eleven months & three days
Today Levi is eleven months and three days old.
The same age Cora was when she went to be with Jesus.
Eleven months and three days usually isn't a significant milestone in a child's life, but for us it is. Today we celebrate Levi's life. We know that every day with him is such a gift. We have anticipated this day for a long time, wondering what it would be like when Levi passed his big sister in age.
Today means that all of a sudden Levi becomes older than our last memories of Cora. That is so hard for me to accept since in my mind Cora will always be the "big" sister.
Today means that every milestone Levi reaches from now on we didn't get to celebrate with his sister. From now on there will be no more comparisons between what Levi is doing and what Cora did.
Today means that we are passing the familiar stage of parenting and entering a stage where we feel like new parents again. We have only been parents to babies.
Today is a reminder of the day we were forced to say goodbye to our sweet baby girl. Thinking of what happened that day is almost unbearable.
Today Cora would have been two years and nine months old...exactly. I can hardly even imagine what Cora would have been like as an almost three year old.
This afternoon I came home to my boys after a weekend of being away with some girlfriends. I needed to get away and it was so encouraging to spend time with my friends, but it was hard for me to leave Levi. As I anticipated the significance of today I couldn't help but be reminded of the pain I felt when we said goodbye to Cora on the day when she too was eleven months and three days old. Today brought back a flood of emotions. The last time Joel and I drove home when we had a baby this age we couldn't even go home. We didn't know how to face an empty house or how we were even going to make it through the next day. I can't even describe to you what it was like to come home today to my sweet baby boy. I missed him (and Joel too) so much while I was gone. What a joy to see his sweet smiling face and kicking legs when he realized I was back. This evening we just spent time hanging out together. It was so great. And you better believe that Mr. Levi got smothered with a few extra hugs from his mama.
There are a lot of things that were hard about today, but today is also a reminder of God's sufficient grace. Today is a reminder that the same grace God has given us to move forward since loosing Cora, the same grace that God has given us as we raise Levi, is the same grace He will continue to give us as Levi moves past this eleven months and three days milestone. God's grace is sufficient. His grace is all we need for today and for whatever we face in the days to come. What a great reminder that when we rely on God's sufficient grace instead of relying on our own strength, He will give us the strength to face today.
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.