mother's day
Today has been a really hard day.
It is now on the list of top 10 worst days of my life (as my mom would say).
I knew it would be hard for me, but I didn't expect how hard it would be on Joel too.
We both walked through today thinking about what Mother's Day would have been like if Cora was still here. I knew that Joel would have had so much fun with Cora making this day special for me. We talked about some of the things he thought he and Cora would have done for me. It is hard to let go of those dreams.
Last Mother's Day we stood in front of our church family and dedicated our little girl to the Lord. We were so in love with Cora and we truly wanted the Lord's best for her life. We were committed to seeking His guidance as we raised her.
As we dedicated Cora that day, we had no idea how short our time would be together. We had no idea that the Lord would call our little girl home so soon. We had no idea that He would ask us to walk this hard road without her.
We prayed that God would use Cora's life to glorify Him. He did. I am still amazed that God could use a sweet 11 month old little girl to impact so many people. He had a plan for her life. A BIG one!
I am so thankful that the Lord chose me to be Cora's mama. I wouldn't trade those precious 11 months we had together for anything. And even though I don't really feel like a mom today, I am so thankful that I am Cora's mom.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6
posted by the mcclenahans @ 9:34 PM
120 Comments:
I can't even tell you how many times you crossed my mind today. So many! You have been an incredible mommy to Cora and you definitely still are as you honor her memory. I wish I could say something to take the sting out of this day for you...but instead just know that another mommy is praying for you. Praying for Joel. Praying for your family and all who miss Cora so deeply.
I have thought of you often and prayed for your comfort today. God bless you.
I'm so so sorry. You don't 'know' me, but i thought of you and your beautiful little Cora today. She is in my prayers, as are you and your husband.
Yes, you are Cora's mom, now and forever. My mom said she used to struggle when people asked how many kids she had. She lost two to tragic deaths, a girl at age 4 and a boy at age 14. Finally she decided that she would always be their mother and instead of questioning how many kids she had, she would respond with all of us, nine in total. I have been so touched by your story and Cora's life. She is with God and touching more lives now than she may have had a chance to if she lived until she was 100. I hope this note brings you some peace and eases the pain you're feeling bz that's how I meant it. God bless you all. Cindy
I prayed for you often today. My prayer was for you to feel God's presence as you walked through this difficult day. Happy Mother's Day! You are most certainly still a Mother.
I am so sorry this has been a hard day -- a worst day --and I sure wish I could think of something to say to make you feel more whole. I pray so fiercely that you and Joel find peace....I know it will come in time. Not that it will ever be good, but that you will find some peace with things. All I can do-- in some little way-- is send my prayers and love to you. I also want to say that you and Joel have pretty amazing mothers.
Liz from WI
You were in my thoughts and prayers many times today...I can only imagine how hard today was for you and your husband. God bless you and know your little girl is watching down on you!
You were one of the first people I thought about today when I woke up. I remember seeing you at the hospital, and again and Cora's service, thinking, "man, she is an amazing mom. God really trusts her and loves her to put her on this journey and give her Cora." Jess- I have prayed and talked about you today. I hope you know that I truely belive that you have experienced true motherhood, the way Mary did. To love so much, and to let go. I know I don't get to see you much, but I think of you often, and fondly. Happy Mother's Day, to an amazing mommy! Thanks for making me a better mommy too...
I'm just another stranger following your blog, but you are in my prayers. Wishing you the Lord's peace and comfort.
You were in my thoughts today. I pray that the days will only get eaiser for you. You are and will alwasys be Cora's momma.
I thought you often this week!
While we don't know each other I want you to know that I am praying for on this difficult day. Keep trusting in God who will continue to carry you through these trying times.
You were on my mind SO MUCH today, even more than usual. I couldn't sleep very well last night and I cried thinking of you waking up and facing today. So thankful that you know where to find strength. You are an amazing mother with the most beautiful heart. Praying for you and Joel.
Hey Jess. As Adam was singing worship this morning, I was thinking about the words to the songs (esp Blessed Be Your Name) and thinking about you and how hard this day must be for you. Then I thought of all the other mommies in the church who have lost their babies (who weren't necessarily babies at the time) and how they were feeling. I was definitely praying for you and Joel today. Dave's message fit so well with how you and Joel were stewards of Cora while she was here, and you did such a great job with her. Praying that you continue to feel God's presence.
so sorry for the hard day you went through today. we continue to pray for your family.
and what a wonderful mom you are - still loving and cherishing your sweet cora girl. i wish it didn't hurt so.
lifting you and your beloved joel up to the Lord in prayer today. hoping you had a moment where you felt the love of the Father touch your heart.
my kiersten girl and i will be faithful during schooltime to keep your family in our prayers.
I thought about you today and knew it must have been excrutiating.
But I'm so glad you see just how special Cora was for God to use her to help so many. And you will forever be known as Cora's Mom!
I know today must have been hard for you and your husband. So sorry!!
You are (still) an amazing momma!
I'm so sorry. You all seem like such lovely people. I hope you found some comfort today.
I have been following your blog for a while, but have never posted anything. I just wanted you to know that I can tell from your blog that you and your husband are amazing, kind people as well as parents. May God bless you with more opportunities to have children who are amazing and wonderful, just like precious Cora. Thank you for sharing your story.
Bless you and Joel today. Little Cora was thinking of you and watching over you. The love you all have for each other is so beautiful. You ARE a mom to a baby in heaven, and even though that is so difficult, it is so selfless and special too. Take care and GOD BLESS YOU.
I am so sorry that today was difficult and painful for you. We don't know each other, but you have been on my heart and in my prayers all week leading up to today. I pray that you would simply feel the nearness and tenderness of our Father as he grieves with you, and that he would pour out unexpected blessings onto you and your husband that bring you joy.
Oh you dear sweet mother of Cora, my heart aches as where you were 1 yr. ago. I don't understand this trial at all. Too hard to understand. I do know you are amazing. You are a wonderful mother to your beautiful Cora. May loving Angels be with you today and always, one of those Angels being Sweet Cora.
Once you are a Mommy, you are ALWAYS a Mommy!!!
You are an amazing mommy to sweet Cora, even now. I am praying for you today.
Wishing I could borrow her from Heaven for you right now. My mother's heart wants to do something, anything to make this day not so hard.
You have strength and beauty that surpasses anything I can imagine. What a light you ALL have!
You have been in my prayers today.
I still pray for you and think of you often. I am sorry that today was such a hard day for you. I cannot imagine the pain you must feel. Cora is so blessed that you are her mommy. You will always have the legacy of being a good mom to Cora.
I am so so sorry. It pains me to think today was so hard for you, and I am so sorry! I am praying for you. ((hugs))
My prayers are with you!!! Hugs coming your way!!!
You and your family have crossed my mind many times today. You are an amazing mother, you are most definitely Cora's Mommy still! I'm so inspired by your strength, God's grace is very evident in your life. I prayed for you just now... one day at a time. God bless you and your family.
I'm so sorry it was a hard day. You were in my thoughts today. Your time on earth here without her will seem long, but in her little angelic eyes it will go by in the blink of an eye. I'm sure she was celebrating you today.
~Keri
I thought of you and prayed for you today, Jess. It isn't the same thing at all, but my husband and I struggled for three years before conceiving our daughter, so I do know that mother's day can be so incredibly difficult for a lot of people. May God bless your grief and bring you the peace and healing that only He can give.
I thought of you and your family today. I am sure Cora was feeling your love on this special day. God bless and keep up your positive attitude! You are an amazing girl! God never forgets your pain. He knows your every thought. He will reward you in many ways. Much love to you!
I'm almost 30 minutes too late but I am praying for you on this hard day...I don't know you and you don't know me but I pray for you often...You gave your Cora to the Lord a year ago and He is using that devotion to show His Love to others I pray that you felt His hands around you today.
Amy Holland
I'm so sorry that today was such a hard day. I am so sad for you and your husband. I am thinking of you and sending my love your way.
You and your family have been in my prayers today. I have thought about you so much lately and knew this would be one of the most dreaded days for you. Cling to the hope that God gives and YOU WILL have the opportunity to celebrate with your precious Cora again one day. Cora's short life is still working for the good of the Lord. May you have peace.
A blogger in Arkansas
I wanted so badly to write to you today and let you know that you were on my heart ALL DAY. I have goosebumps reading your post and tears in my eyes. Although you may not 'feel' like a mother day.... on beautiful mommy, YOU ARE! You are Cora's mommy last year, yesterday, today and forever and ever.
My heart aches with you....there were so many times that Cora's face popped in my mind. Then I instantly thought of you.
Often Joel is forgotten about, because as a mom I relate to you and my daughter to Cora. Oh how my heart aches tonight for Joel too. We often forget that these men who are supposed to be so strong and not show emotions.... are people too and he is hurting also.
I pray, pray, pray.... and PRAY for you you all.
Happy Mothers Day Jessica.
God Bless YOU sweet sister.
Thinking of you on this difficult day. ♥ and prayers.
you will always be a mom. cora's mom. I am sorry this mother's day was hard for you. I am sure she is looking down on you and is very thankful for her momma.
I thought about you a lot today, imagining how hard this day would be for you. I'm so sorry. Keeping you in my prayers.
Continuing to pray God's comfort as He carries you....
You are a beautiful, precious mother...
oh jess you crossed my mind last night and i cried and prayed for you. i'm so sorry i didn't think of you sooner in the day so i could have been praying for you longer. i don't know you but feel like i do, the way God lays you on my heart it's the same way He does with my close friends.
i was also wondering if you have read the shack or if anyone has suggested it to you? i think it would bring a lot of healing, the book changed my life.
happy (late) mothers day to a wonderful mom, and a beautiful example to us other moms of how to draw our strength from our Heavenly Father, in all circumstances (good and bad). love to you!
So, so sorry. You are in my thoughts and prayers EVERY day.
I thought of you so many times yesterday and prayed for strength for you to get through the day. You ARE a mother, you are Cora's mother and you are an amazing mother, never forget that! I hope that you found some joy in remembering how special Cora is on Mother's Day and I continue to pray for you and Joel everyday.
Hugs and prayers,
Heather~ On the Homefront
No words. Just lots of prayers.
Kim
With tears streaming, my prayers and love continue to go out to you both.
*Tricia
I know we don't know each other, but you are never far from my mind. Your sweet Cora has touched my heart from the moment I heard her story. She is one special little girl. Never forget you are her Mom...and you are a wonderful mother to your daughter. I know yesterday was hard...I wish you didn't have to feel this pain. It is something no parent should ever have to feel.
Know you are thought of many times each day. Saying many prayers for you today.
My Mother's Day gift every year is a little garden that my husband and kids plant for me. I wonder if Joel could plant a little flower garden for you from him and Cora, that would be a late Mother's Day gift?
You are the perfect mommy for Cora. I'm so sorry that the day was so hard for you. You crossed my mind a hundred or more times during the day and I prayed.
Take a big breath and consider that one more terrible milestone that has passed as you start a new week.
God bless you!
I thought of you so many times yesterday! And I prayed for you. Yes, you are Cora's mom FOREVER. And she was SO lucky to have you!! HUGS!
I thought of you and prayed for you many times yesterday.
Praying for you.
I so appreciate your honesty through this blog. Thank you for sharing your grief and allowing us to grieve along side you. I'm praying for you today.
i don't usually leave comments but I had to tell you that you were in my prayers yesterday. We are strangers but your story has touched my life.
You crossed my mind yesterday as you cross it often. You are someone to admire...the strength you show is amazing. You and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers.
I know you were probably feeling a wife range of emotions yesterday! Praying for you and we love you!
I've thought of you a lot around this Mother's Day. I can only imagine the hurt of that day for you and even Joel. I am so sorry!
Thinking and praying for you always, especially today!!! Our #1 goal as parents is to make sure that we will someday be reunited with our kids in Heaven, no matter what happens on this earth. You and Joel have already accomplished that!! And your sweet Cora is safe in the arms of Jesus. Even knowing all of that, I know it will never take away the ache in your heart. Happy Mother's Day, Jess!!!
Mother's day is always a hard day. I do have three healthy children but, mother's day will never be the same without Dylan here to share it with. We still include him in every way possible but, I want him here to hug me and say I love you mom. Always praying for you and Joel.
Courtney Mayfield
You have crossed my mind so many times in the passed few days. I have prayed that with the Lord's help, you would find yesterday tolerable.
Thank you for taking the time to update your blog. I am sure at times it is the last thing you want to do. My family and I will continue to be with in in prayer.
The Hunecke Family
Batavia IL
My heart is just broken reading your post...I am so sorry that you had such a difficult mother's day. I know your precious Cora was looking down on you from heaven and loving her mommy so much! What an amazing family you, Joel and Cora are...and always will be!
I pray for you all the time.
Sara
Hugs! I thought of you many times on Sunday.
Happy Mother's Day to an amazing mommy!!
{{hugs}}
I knew in my heart that yesterday was going to be a hard day for both of you and prayed for God to make it a little easier. I think your realization of how God has answered your prayer that Cora's life be used to glorify him - and how abundantly that has happened - is his way of answering. God bless and keep both of you on this walk - I am continuing to pray for you.
Robin
happy mother's day. i am so sorry you are having to go through this day without your baby girl. trust in God. lean on your husband. you continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
You'll always be Cora's mom and this day will always hold special meaning for you. Thank you so much for being honest with your feelings in front of so many people. You are truly an amazing person. I'm so sorry it was a hard day.
I also thought of you a lot! Infact, I have a little something for you. You all weren't in church yesterday so I'll get it to you sometime.
I remember when Al's mother was in the hospital her final week, a nurse asked her how many children she had. She said 12. She included all of us in-laws. So sweet!
Yes, Jess, you are mother!! Cora is much alive and one day she will run into your arms to greet you!
I thought of you first thing yesterday morning and prayed for you!
Cora's life is still having an impact. And you are too as her mommy. You are an amazing example of grace & strength to all of us fellow moms.
It is so hard to face a Mother's day without your child with you! I have been there. For me that first Mother's day didn't even make me feel like a mother even though I was a mother to a little girl in heaven and one on the way. I have been there before! I am so sorry that you have to go through this! Know that Cora's life has made a big impact on SO many people! Those you know and those you don't know! We all love you with the love of the Lord and are here as you make this journey in your "new" normal that life is now.
In Him,
Lacie
Wichita, KS
Mommy to Babe B. (Stillborn July 11, 2007) and Jesstine (age 9 months)
Praying for you! Love you!
I prayed for you a lot this past weekend...and you and your family were on my mind all day yesterday.
Your strength and faith in God is inspiring.
As I spent Mother's Day cleaning up after three children with the stomach flu, I thought continually of you and Cora and was thankful for every messy, tear-filled, sleepless moment. I also thought of how I would probably never have heard of you or Cora if it weren't for the agonies you are going through. There is small consolation in reaching so many people; I am sure you would still trade this for having your baby in your arms. But, whatever it means, you are now in SO MANY more people's hearts and thoughts. I ache for you in your pain and wish I could understand...
I'm sorry the day was so difficult. You are a wonderful mother.
Still praying for you.
I thought of you and prayed for you several times yesterday. I am sorry that it was such a hard day for you. Cora was so blessed to have you as a mommy. I will continue to keep you and Joel both in my prayers.
As I sat at my computer last night reading everyone's mother's day tributes my mind wandered to you and I wondered how Mother's day was for you....I don't even personally know you but I feel like I do! I am so sorry for you loss, I know that the first mother's day without my child was heartbreaking so I can somewhat empathize with you but I will never ever say that I know what you are going through. I am again so sorry for your loss and I thank you for sharing your faith and courage with the world.
I am so sorry for your loss! We lost our son to NB at age 4. But he is still my son and I am still his mother. That doesn't change. I think of you often and can't imagine what you went through in such a short amount of time. (our son lived 1 year and 3 months after diagnosis) Again, I know there isn't a thing I can say other than I'm sorry and I'm praying for you all.
I think of you all every single day. We don't know one another but I have a 6 month old little girl that looks so much like Cora to me. You all are so loved and you are the best mommy in the entire world!
You were in my prayers so much this weekend, but I never thought about how difficult it would be on your husband - of course he was looking forward to helping Cora give you a wonderful Mother's Day. I can totally see how difficult it would be for him on Mother's Day just like you. Still praying for you - Cora's mama.
Hey guys. We're still praying for you. My heart is so heavy for you right now. The pain does seem unbearable. Cling tight to His promises, and remember how He loves you. Praying the pain will ease, and that sweet memories will flow. Hold tight to each other. You're the ones who know most how terribly hard this is. Keep running...
you are a mom.
once you are one...you are never NOT one.
you were such a wonderful mommy to sweet cora.
you did the best job.
no one else could have done better.
she was your gift.
it must have been an awful day.
i am so sorry jess. i prayed for you many times...and i still will.
You're still a mom, hon. It doesn't matter what day it is of the year, Cora is always going to be your baby girl. You were on my mind a lot yesterday and you continue to be in our thoughts and prayers. *hugs*
I thought of you so many times yesterday. I wish it could have been easier, and I'm sorry. As always, your family is in my prayers.
Love you so much. Hope to see you soon.
My heart breaks for you. This is a tough journey you are on, I can't even imagine. You are in my prayers. God bless.
I have never written to you before, but I thought about you yesterday. I want you to know that I prayed for you and I was trying to imagine what you & your husband were going through...Thank you for sharing your life on this blog. I pray God's richest blessings on your life.
We've been so inspired by your strength. Although, I'm sure for you guys it seems very difficult to find that strength, especially on days like these. It's amazing how Cora, a sweet 11 month old touched so many lives. Reading your blog always brings me to tears.
~Praying for you in Saint Louis.
I thought about you so much yesterday and knew it had to be horribly difficult for you to get through. Love and prayers, Jenny
I sat in church yesterday and thought of you. I love being a Mom also and while I know that Mother's Day is meant to honor all moms.... it seems to cause so much pain to those who have lost, never had and want, or may never have children. Needless pain. But, I believe that God will bless you and your husband with more children and you will always be Cora's MOM and nothing can ever take that and your wonderful memories away. My prayers are with you that God will relieve you of this horrible pain of loss and replace it with the sweet memories of love. You have the sweetest, most generous heart... Blessings sweet young lady!
The first of everything is so painful after a loss. I am told that it will get easier and I live for that and for the memories to become sweet instead of painful.. I pray that for you as well.
Just wanted to let you know you and Joel are in my thoughts and prayers. Your sweet Cora really touched my heart and I pray for peace and understanding for you and your family.
Summer in California
Jessica and Joel,
Man, I am sitting here crying for you!! My heart just aches as I read this post.
I sat at church on Sunday morning thinking of you and praying for the God of comfort to comfort you. We sang blessed be the name of the Lord on Sunday and I just thought of you and singing that song at Cora's funeral.
I am so sorry that you have to go through such big time pain!
Love love
Heather
You are continually in my prayers. And you are a mom. A loving mom who has been asked to give back to God her most precious gift, and then has shared that gift with many by sharing your heart through this blog. God's blessing to you in the days and months to come.
Believe me Cora's life has touched many people...many people your family has never met or would even recognize if you walked by them. I have been so touched(to tears many times) by her life and your journey and your strength as you cling to God in this tough, tough time. It is so hard to understand sometimes...
Praying for you dear one.
You were on my mind SO much yesterday and in my prayers. My niece, who is only 6 weeks old, is named Cora, and I always think of your Cora when I see her or think of her. I prayed most of all that God would really fill you and Joel with happy memories of your sweet girl yesterday. Praying for you...
Ruthie
Just thinking of you Jess, Joel and Cora...wishing that I could help ease your pain. My heart hurts for you...
Praying for you everyday.
Kim
I read you all the time, and I always struggle with comments....I just never seem to be able to convey how deeply your lifestory touches my heart.
Of course, it is just impossible to look at the pic of your husband holding Cora and not have tears streaming down one's face. All I could think is...this year, Jesus is holding her instead.
I thought of you many times yesterday. I can't imagine how tuff the day was but I knew you would get through it. Still praying for you!!
I recently moved from Utah to Texas and drove through your town. I have kept up with your blog for so long that I almost felt like I should have been stopping in to say hello. I was hoping that the church would be seen from the highway. I was a part of the Cora Paige Project and I was so hoping to see the place that the playground is going to be built. Maybe one day :)
Continuing to pray for both you and Joel. Thanks for clinging to Jesus. It's such a testimony to us.
Hey Ya'll. I'm not sure you'll get a chance to read this comment as it's way down the list but I've posted a couple times before. I read this quote and thought I would share:
"The best way to have heaven in your home is to have someone from your home in heaven." So sweet!
It came from this blog: http://thegledhillfamily.blogspot.com/
They just lost their sweet little girl to a heart condition
"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." This verse makes me think of you. And I read it the obvious way for a long time, and then one day I thought,"What if it means that if we delight in the Lord, then He will PLACE the PROPER desires in our heart?" And the reason it makes me think of you is because I can't think of anyone that delights in the Lord like you do, in spite of all of the pain and the sadness, the questions and the mystery; you still are in awe of God, and love Him, and bring honor to His name, praise Him, and submit to His will. I've never studied the verse in its original language so I don't know what its full meaning is. But I pray God will indeed give you the desires of your heart, because the desires of your heart seem so focused on serving Him.
I got to spend one Mother's Day with my son, Logan. He passed away 2 weeks later. Mother's day is always somewhat bittersweet, even though I have Logan's twin, Cooper and their little sister now too. It's always hard to celebrate occasions without him, but like you, I am so grateful that I was chosen to be his Momma!
Thinking of you, and celebrating Cora's life!
Yes, you ARE Cora's Mum and always will be. She loved you so much, she knew how loved she was by you and her Daddy. Big hugs to you today.
You are such a strong woman!!
I just found your blog today and read the whole blog. your little baby Cora is a beautiful baby. I will continue to pray for you and your family during a very difficult time in your life. I wanted you to know that your dresses are beautiful. I went to order one for our daughter and saw that they were all gone. I can't wait for more to show up on etsy.
I'm in tears for you. I am *so* sorry you had to celebrate Mother's Day without your sweet Cora.
Prayers,
Christy Klein
Oh, I am hurting for you.
Wish I could do/say something to help ease the pain.
Praying..
I've been following your blog for a while, and I thought you might like to read this:
http://greatestblessing.blogspot.com/2009/05/dear-mommy.html
I hope this will lift you up from your sorrow.
I thought of your family several times on Mother's day, knowing that it would be a tough day for you. You have been in my prayers for months. Your testimony to the power of the Lord and your unwavering commitment to Him is an incredible witness to a world who needs Him. I feel so blessed every time I read your blog.
I know this is a difficult journey for you. You are and always will be a mother. The presence or absence of children never changes that. I am certain the the Lord is smiling down on you and saying "Well done."
You will remain in my prayers.
Kyndra (Klassen) Brown
God bless you. Your faith absolutely amazes me. You and your family will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
I was thinking about you all weekend, Jess. You ARE a mother - a brave one!
Pray for you daily, but especially for you on mother's day. You are a wonderful mom-Cora couldn't have asked for better parents. So sorry you have to go through this.
Prayed for you all day...you are and always will be Cora's mom!
I, like many others, have had you on my mind. Sending good thoughts and prayers from Olathe!
I was thinking of you on mothers day and each day inbetween... Holding you up in prayer....
Praying for you tonight.
I've been following your blog for a few months now, and never commented, just reading along with the rest of the world. I just wanted to say how much of an inspiration you guys are, as parents and as a couple. Thank you for sharing with everyone.
Praying for you both. I couldn't even write anything on Mother's day, your words just broke my heart. But I am lifting you up in prayer. May God bless your heart in a wonderful way today.
Praying for you through all the BAD days!!! I thought of you so often on Mother's Day. May He Bless you and hold you tightly when it hurts the most.
Blessings,
Brittany
God bless you
God Bless you and your husband. Your strength and faithfullness to Jesus through this time is amazing to me! You are an inspiration, thank-you! I will continue to pray for you always...
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