The Macs

Friday, May 1, 2009

a visit from...

fairy princess.

My little niece Ellie came to stay with me for two days last week.  She even spent the night. She is so sweet. I really enjoyed having her around. She would just follow me around and help me do things. She talked a lot too. I loved having someone to talk to. Oh, and she ALWAYS wanted to wear her princess outfit. ALL DAY. She actually brought along two. It was fun. It made me miss Cora so much though. All the things that I did with Ellie--those were the things that I had dreamed about doing with Cora this spring and summer. Just hanging out. Together. I miss the noise and joy that a child brings to your house. I miss that so much.


Ellie called everything in our house Cora's. I LOVED  that. I loved how Cora was still such a part of our family to her.  She wanted to go in Cora's room, read Cora's books, play with Cora's toys, take a bath in Cora's bathtub, and blow Cora's bubbles.


She told me that she was going to blow some bubbles to baby Cora up in heaven. With tears in my eyes I told her that I thought that baby Cora would love to get bubbles from her. She blew them as high as she could.

The day was filled with lots of tears, but good tears. Tears because of all the wonderful memories I have with Cora. Tears because I miss her smiles and noises filling our home. Tears because I miss feeling like a mom. Tears because Cora wasn't there to have a sleepover and play princess with her cousin Ellie. And tears because Cora wasn't here to meet her newest cousin, Esther Marie.

My sister-in-law had a little girl last week. Ellie stayed with us because her parents were in the hospital with her new baby sister. The emotions we were feeling when we heard about Esther and saw her for the first time were so hard to deal with. We were feeling such joy that Bill and Olivia were blessed with a healthy little girl.  Truly a precious gift from the Lord.  But we were filled with such sadness as we remembered the joy that overwhelmed us when Cora was born. The reality that she is not here for us to hold and love hit again. Bill and Olivia were so sweet and understanding. They told us we didn't need to come to the hospital because they knew it would be too hard. It was the same hospital where Cora was born. It is so hard to balance such a joyful thing with the deep sadness that our hearts are still feeling.


Thanks Bill and Olivia for letting us spend time with Ellie. Thank you for being so understanding and crying with us even during this joyful time in your lives. Esther is precious. She is so blessed to be a part of your family. We love you!






120 Comments:

Blogger TeeTee said...

How adorable!

I am praying for you and your family.

I cried when I read this post, it was beautifully written.

~TeeTee

May 1, 2009 at 9:52 PM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

What precious little girls! Praying for you!!!

May 1, 2009 at 9:52 PM  
Blogger Candace said...

Praying and crying along with you. Much love... and loyal reader in Cincinnati.

May 1, 2009 at 9:56 PM  
Blogger Marla Taviano said...

What a touching post, Jess. I don't cry too terribly often when I read blogs, but yours always gets to me. For some reason, I can just feel the pain of missing Cora.

Praying God continues to heal your heart and blesses you with another little one in His perfect timing.

Loving you guys!!

May 1, 2009 at 9:57 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

That would be so hard. So hard it would be easy to quit living, and lock yourself away. But it would still hurt and then you would not only miss Cora, but Ellie and her new sister. I'm glad you are able to find the strength to continue on. Congratulations on being an Aunt again. Prayers and blessings for you and your family.

May 1, 2009 at 9:58 PM  
Blogger Becky said...

I'm thinking of your family always. I am so so sorry for your loss. I cry whenever I read about how sad you feel. My heart aches for you to hold your baby again.
With lots of love in my heart,
Becky from California

May 1, 2009 at 10:04 PM  
Blogger Lauren Kelly said...

So sweet and continuing to pray for you all!!! We love you!! :O)

May 1, 2009 at 10:06 PM  
Blogger Polka Dot Moon said...

Your words tug at my heart. They make me smile, but I often cry.

Just know that you are thought of and prayed for daily.

Denise

May 1, 2009 at 10:18 PM  
Blogger Sheryl said...

praying for you in michigan tonight!

you have such a beautiful spirit!

May 1, 2009 at 10:23 PM  
Blogger kate said...

I don't know you and you of course don't me. I don't have kids...or a husband - but I pray for those kind of loves. I hurt for you and I pray for your heart to be light....someday.

May God continue to hold you in the palm of His hand....kate

May 1, 2009 at 10:25 PM  
Blogger Ang said...

I also cried when I read this. What a sweet post. Praying for you.

May 1, 2009 at 10:25 PM  
Blogger Ang said...

I also cried when I read this. What a sweet post. Praying for you.

May 1, 2009 at 10:26 PM  
Blogger Sara said...

Those little girls are so sweet and cute!

My heart goes out to you guys, you handle everything with such grace though.

In my prayers...

May 1, 2009 at 10:26 PM  
Blogger Vera said...

I cried through this whole post... I am praying for you every day.

May 1, 2009 at 10:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I read your post daily...and I think of you often. What a strong person you are. I will continue to pray for you...

May 1, 2009 at 10:39 PM  
Blogger Erica said...

i am glad you have such a wonderful, beautiful family to love you through all of this. your nieces are dolls, i know it must have been hard, yet you are so blessed!

May 1, 2009 at 10:49 PM  
Blogger Natalie H. said...

I have never written before, but I have followed your blog since about the end of January. I have grieved with you and prayed faithfully for you. Next Sunday is going to be another hard milestone. I have an idea to try to help you through it. I believe the Holy Spirit inspired it. This week you and your mom make as many onesies, blankets, etc as you can and at the end of the week donate them to a crisis pregnancy center. This is a way to honor Cora and your own motherhood by giving to babies who almost did not get to experience life and to mothers who thankfully do not have to live with that guilt and regret. You are a mother forever and while this mother's day will be most likely the saddest one you will ever go through, know that since I can't even sew a button on straight, I am going out this week and buying a pretty dress and donating it to our CPC in honor of you and Cora for Mother's Day.I hope this eases your burden in even the smallest of ways. Proverbs 3:5-6

May 1, 2009 at 10:53 PM  
Blogger Karen said...

Ellie is just so precious! How nice that you had time together.
I still think that your Cora is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen.
I have followed your journey. I have cried thousands of tears for you.
Cora changed the course of my life. I am back in school. Applying to the nursing program next yearand hoping to work in Peds Oncology...all because of Cora.
hugs...and thanks

May 1, 2009 at 10:57 PM  
Blogger The Jarmans said...

You're in my thoughts & prayers... Remember that even though you don't feel like a Mommy, you should... because you are Cora's Mommy and you forever will be...

May 1, 2009 at 10:58 PM  
Blogger Jennifer W. said...

Beautiful post. And beautiful nieces. I think about you and Cora quite often; your story has changed me. My heart is with you.

May 1, 2009 at 10:59 PM  
Blogger ryanne said...

Whoa. Jessica, such a wonderful writer. You conveyed your emotions so clearly, my heart is breaking. Cora is so lucky to have such a loving family. Bless you.

May 1, 2009 at 11:02 PM  
Blogger beckley said...

oh...
grace and peace to you today.

May 1, 2009 at 11:04 PM  
Blogger Trasie Bressler said...

You are so amazing!!!

I admire your strength, your faith, and your ability to move forward.

I sit here tonight holding my Ellee and wiping away the tears from reading your post. I know that God must be so proud of you. May God continue to bless you!!!

May 1, 2009 at 11:08 PM  
Blogger PamperingBeki said...

Jess, you are such a beautiful soul.

I cry for you daily, still.

Ellie is such a gorgeous little girl! Y'all have some darn good genes in that family.

One Sunday your mom had her at our church and I couldn't stop staring at her. I went over to her after church to say "I just had to tell you what a stunning baby that is!" and then I realized who I was talking to. haha! "Oh! Your Jessica's mom!"

You are still a mom! Just because you're not taking care of a little one right now doesn't take away from the fact that you're a mom and will always be.

May 1, 2009 at 11:09 PM  
Blogger Becky said...

This is just precious...it's so sweet that Cora will always be a presence in your family and remembered and loved....you are in my prayers. Becky

May 1, 2009 at 11:10 PM  
Blogger Judy said...

What a cute little fairy princess! Whew..I'm crying and can totally understand all your varying emotions, but I'm sure it was great to have special time with Ellie! I LOVE how Cora is still such a part of her life. So sweet! I'm reading Randy Alcorn's book "Heaven" right now and it's been making me think of you guys a lot. I don't know if you've read it. I'm not much a non-fiction reader and the book is pretty long and deep but I'm learning so much. I've been walking with the Lord for decades but had so many questions about Heaven and everything surrounding it. My heart has been so broken over Cora and our little friend Alex with cancer and my little 2 year old cousin Olivia with leukemia. I've had so many questions, such struggle in my heart and this book is bringing me so much peace to learn more about the place God is preparing for us. One of the things that was mentioned that brought me so much comfort is the fact that Heaven will be a familiar place to us. It won't feel like a foreign land that we've never been to. We'll find it to be comforting and familiar because it was made with each of us in mind. Isn't that encouraging? I thought so. I just think of how safe and comfortable Cora felt in your home and in your presence. She feels all of that and more with her Heavenly Father in the place he created for her.

May 1, 2009 at 11:38 PM  
Blogger Elle's Mom said...

I cry every time I read your blog. What a beautiful picture of your niece blowing bubbles to heaven. How special to have had that time with her. Thinking of you and your family.

May 1, 2009 at 11:49 PM  
Anonymous Christina said...

It's so amazing that hearts can be broken and full at the same time...it doesn't make sense, really, but so much about what God does is a mystery to us, even the wonderful things. I pray that God will continue to carry and comfort you all. I pray that you will always allow yourself to feel what you are feeling. And I pray that our heavenly Father will help you remember that you will always be Cora's mommy.

May 2, 2009 at 12:09 AM  
Blogger Lori Danelle Wilson said...

I still can't read you blog without crying. I don't think I've left your page dry eyed once since I started reading in January.

How my heart goes out to you! Since I can't make it through reading about it without crying, I'm amazed at your strength and reliance on God to make it through each day without falling apart.

You stay in our prayers.

Inksomnia

May 2, 2009 at 12:18 AM  
Blogger Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

Still here...still praying for you...I remember after our losses, my son was such a blessing because he loved to talk about and remember his brothers and sisters. Most of the world didn't. His childlike faith and enthusiasm were such blessings to me.

May 2, 2009 at 12:40 AM  
Blogger Ruth said...

Such a beautiful, honest post. Still praying for you guys!

I bet Cora loved the bubbles.

May 2, 2009 at 2:47 AM  
Blogger oneordinaryday said...

What a lovely post.
Congratulations on becoming an auntie again.
And also on taking one step at a time and one day at a time in searching for your new "normal." You're doing great.
God bless.

May 2, 2009 at 6:31 AM  
Blogger hoosier68 said...

I'm in tears again and think of you so often. Just one day at a time, step by step, that is all you can do.

May 2, 2009 at 6:50 AM  
Blogger mommyof2sons said...

What a beautiful post. I cried! I am sure Cora loved the bubbles. Your nieces are adorable!! Prayers for you!

May 2, 2009 at 6:56 AM  
Blogger Whimsical Creations said...

What a sweet, precious little girl.

May 2, 2009 at 7:29 AM  
Blogger Amanda said...

What sweet little girls.:) I didn't know Olivia had another baby! They are both beautiful. I cried when I read this post. I appreciate SO MUCH how willingly you share you heart. I needed to hear it. I have 4 children, and sometimes I get so caught up with the messes they make and the trouble they get into that I forget to just sit and enjoy them. They could return to our heavenly Father anytime. Your post today made me realize that. I continue to pray for you. Joel was especially on my heart the other day. I wonder how he is coping with it all. Let him know I said a special prayer for him! I'm sure it's not easy. I love you guys and am praying for you!

May 2, 2009 at 7:44 AM  
Blogger Becky said...

A beautiful post and beautiful photos. Praying for you!

May 2, 2009 at 8:07 AM  
Blogger Kristin Stegent said...

Wow...I can see how so many things are over and over again going to bring you to miss Cora so deeply! I am sure it would be the same for me. I still think of you and your family so often and tell people about your story and Cora. I cannot imagine the deep overwhelming sadness you must feel a lot of days. You are very precious, Jess!

May 2, 2009 at 8:26 AM  
Blogger tami said...

I love seeing how Our Heavenly Father is using your beautiful spirit to minister to those you have not met or know, like me! May God continue to carry you through these days! My three year old never forgets to mention Cora's name or Cora's mommy and daddy during our prayers!

May 2, 2009 at 8:45 AM  
Blogger The Sweigart Family said...

Jess, that got the tears flowing. Your honesty is inspiring. Praying for you everyday.

May 2, 2009 at 9:24 AM  
Blogger Yankee Mama said...

In tear with you.

This is such a bittersweet post.
You have beautiful nieces. And they have a beautiful Aunt.

Still praying.

Much Love,
Suzi

May 2, 2009 at 10:10 AM  
Blogger Instant Family of 4 said...

You are so strong. I can't imagine how sweet and yet sad it must have been for you to spend time with your niece. May God bless you as you continue to share your life and Cora's for his honor.

May 2, 2009 at 10:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As usual tears are streaming down my face. My heart aches for you. You are truly AMAZING! Although life must seem unbearable you keep going and find the joy around you. ENJOY the wonderful memories you have of your seet Cora.
Thoughts and prayers multiple times a day!

Kim

May 2, 2009 at 10:30 AM  
Blogger Mission of mamahood said...

What a sweet moment to share with your niece. I'm sure Cora is blowing bubbles right back at you both.

My heart goes out to you and your family...your beautiful daughter will never be forgotten and you will always be her mommy.

May 2, 2009 at 11:02 AM  
Blogger Holly & Helen's Hassack said...

i hope you know how inspiring your honesty, strength, grief & grace are. thank you.

May 2, 2009 at 1:20 PM  
Anonymous Karina said...

Another beautiful, heart-wrenching post. With Mother's Day coming, I think of you more often than ever.

I hope you will have more children, Jess, and I hope it doesn't hurt or offend you for me to say so. Not to replace Cora in any way, but to give the gift of yourself as mother to more sweet babies. You are made to be a mother - you have a loving and patient yet strong nature, and while you will always be Cora's Mommy, I hope Cora will have brothers and sisters for you to love too.

Many hugs and congratulations on being an auntie!

May 2, 2009 at 2:33 PM  
Anonymous Kim said...

What an absolutely beautiful post. I admire you so much for your faith and positive outlook on things. I tear up whenever I read your blog. I don't know you, but my thoughts and prayers are with you!
Kim from Oklahoma

May 2, 2009 at 3:54 PM  
Blogger Kat said...

Oh my. Blowing bubbles to heaven for baby Cora, words cannot express how incredibly precious that is. Still crying and praying for you.

May 2, 2009 at 4:13 PM  
Blogger Kristi said...

I am still praying for your sweet family. Your niece is so blessed to have you as her aunt :).

May 2, 2009 at 4:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your niece is adorable! I'm glad that you were able to spend some time with her. I am still praying for your family daily.

Ashley

May 2, 2009 at 5:31 PM  
Blogger Julia said...

Girl, you are so strong. I know that strength comes from the faith you have in Him, but I still admire you.

May 2, 2009 at 5:43 PM  
Blogger Lynn said...

Jess, you are one brave woman. Someone is going to need all of the courage you have gathered someday, and there is no question you will generously give it to them open-handed, and the blessing you receive will be amazing. Only God knows how to deal with those wrenching contradictions that come our way, and He knows how faithfully you are leaning on him. One second, one minute, one hour at a time. We all love you, sweet girl.

May 2, 2009 at 5:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You write so well. I feel like I am in your shoes when I read your posts, and I cry and cry. I will pray for you and your beautiful family.

May 2, 2009 at 6:13 PM  
Blogger Jessatsea said...

continuing to pray for you and for Joel. I have heard that the hardest time is not necessarily when you first lose them but when time goes on and well... the "attention" isn't as much as it was.

Please know that strangers are out here praying for you each and every day and that well... I just ache for you still.

I am glad that you had this precious time with your niece and congratulations on your new niece. You handled it beautifully!

God Bless,
Jess in Texas

May 2, 2009 at 6:47 PM  
Anonymous mandi said...

Very sweet words! I have so much respect for you ... keeping you in my prayers.

May 2, 2009 at 8:11 PM  
Blogger Kelly said...

How great of you to serve your family by taking care of their little one, even when it was hard. You are an amazing example of God's grace, strength & peace.

May 2, 2009 at 9:07 PM  
Blogger Lindsay said...

Your beautiful and honest words always make me cry, but your hope and willingness to share these very personal feelings and the life and memories of your sweet daughter with us lift me up. I so wish that I could carry some of your pain for you...I will continue to pray.

May 2, 2009 at 9:18 PM  
Anonymous autumn said...

Your strength is amazing. What a sweet thing your niece did by remembering Cora and blowing her bubbles. That made me cry! Praying for you.. God Bless.

May 2, 2009 at 9:34 PM  
Blogger Falling Around said...

Oh, Jess... I don't know what to say. I cannot begin to imagine the depth of sorrow you face, but still,you are filled with such grace. Grace that I know only our Heavenly Father could provide. You continue to shine for Him. He *will* bless you & Joel for enduring.

With Love,
Christy

May 2, 2009 at 11:33 PM  
Blogger BugaBoos Creations said...

I recently came across your blog and read every bit of it in one night and just cried and cried. As a mom I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through, and my heart breaks for you. Though I do not know you I feel blessed just to have read your blog, your incredible strength is inspiring. You and your family are in my prayers everynight. God Bless, Nicole

May 2, 2009 at 11:56 PM  
Blogger Micah said...

What a sweet, sweet story. You are an amazing person. I'm so thankful God blessed you with such a wonderful, understanding family to help you through this tough time.

May 3, 2009 at 8:25 AM  
Blogger Heather's Home (aka Chez Hez) said...

Still praying for you and yours, Jess! What a lovely little treat for you to have! One very nice thing about children, is that they don't understand taboo subjects and that to Ellie, Cora is still here....we should all learn so much from Ellie. *nods*

Take care and keep making your darling dresses when you feel like it, hon!

~ Heather

May 3, 2009 at 8:29 AM  
Blogger coffeeloves said...

thank you for sharing your feelings.
and articulating what you are experiencing in your heart.
You are beautiful.

May 3, 2009 at 10:23 AM  
Blogger The Moffats said...

I love this post, Jess. And I love you :) There you have it...I'm back to commenting :) Who cares if there are hundreds of other comments. It's still you. And it's still me. :)

May 3, 2009 at 11:46 AM  
Blogger wicker0407 said...

You are an amazing mother and you always will be. I think of Cora often she touched my heart with her smile and she will never be forgotten. I still continue to pray for healing for you and Joel.
God Bless

Summer and Family in California

May 3, 2009 at 1:15 PM  
Anonymous Suzie said...

I just have one word to sum up what I think about your WHOLE family!! "Phenomenal" You are all such a blessing to everyone that you have touched with your amazing little princess!! I find myself referring to baby Cora all of the time and my 10 year old daughter wears the Cora's playground to school everyday...see how Cora's life has touched so many strangers(friends). You are so eloquent in your writing and my heart weeps with you!! Praying for you!!

May 3, 2009 at 1:30 PM  
Anonymous Suzie said...

I meant to say Cora's Playground necklace...Oops!! While I'm adding and editing :) I just wanted to add that you are a mommy...now and forever!!

May 3, 2009 at 1:32 PM  
Blogger Jana said...

I admire you for the way you just keep going day by day. I admire the way you take joy in the small things in life like bubbles. You are truely a joy and an inspiration. I am praying for you and your family.

May 3, 2009 at 1:32 PM  
Blogger Warm n Wonderful said...

Six months after my partner died suddenly, I was having Christmas dinner with a friend and her family. It was so refreshing when her 7 year old started talking about last Christmas when George had bought him a special toy. Everyone else held their breath. They didn't want to talk about George in case it made me sad, but I was so happy that someone else was thinking about him that day.

May 3, 2009 at 1:37 PM  
Blogger The Mershawn's said...

Just read a comment about you being a mommy forever. You most certainly will be. Our hearts are never the same when they've swelled to love our babies. Keep hanging on. Jesus loves you so much, and He knows....
Still praying for you both!

May 3, 2009 at 5:42 PM  
Blogger Angela said...

That was so heartfelt, wonderful, and devastatingly sad all at once. Thank you for sharing your joy and your pain with us. It is truly a testament of God's love, sovereignty, and faithfulness.

May 3, 2009 at 7:56 PM  
Blogger THAT GIRL said...

The photos of your niece are just precious. I am so very sorry that your heart is so sad...

May 3, 2009 at 8:04 PM  
Blogger Ethansmom08 said...

Ellie is so precious blowing those bubbles to your sweet angel Cora! Your post was so beautiful, it brought tears to my eyes. I can't imagine all of the emotions your family is experiencing - missing Cora, welcoming a new addition to the family and everything in between. My thoughts and prayers are with you daily. You are such an amazing mother and aunt!

Love,
Sara

May 3, 2009 at 8:40 PM  
Blogger Hank and Mary said...

I think you are a remarkable young women and thank you for your expression of love for your little Cora AND your love for your nieces (and nephews).

You are being prayed for, I think of you often.

From someone else's "Grammy"

May 3, 2009 at 9:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm on tears now at the same time wish to be able to say something that can make you feel better but I don't think that exist only time and keep praying. I wish if I could understand but I don't is not fear for you or any Parents to go trough this pain, I do have faith on God that one day we will understand and I have never meet you but my family and I love you and Cora she will always have an space in our harts.
Elda

May 3, 2009 at 10:01 PM  
Blogger Brittany said...

What a touching post...with tears in my eyes, I said a prayer for you.

Blessings,
Brittany

May 3, 2009 at 10:35 PM  
Blogger The Morris Family said...

Your Cora's mommy and I am my Joel's mommy forever!!!
Cindy

May 3, 2009 at 10:56 PM  
Blogger Lipstick said...

Wow. Another beautiful post...thank you so much for your writing.

May 3, 2009 at 11:13 PM  
Anonymous Toni :O) said...

Still praying and thinking of you often. So glad you had some special time with Ellie. May God continue to bless you each and every day.

May 4, 2009 at 8:51 AM  
Anonymous Robin in Benton said...

More tears, smiles and prayers for you. I love your niece blowing bubbles to Cora in heaven. And while you may not feel like it you are and always will be a terrific mom.

Robin

May 4, 2009 at 8:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I remember trying to have my first child, after a miscarriage, and my sister and brother-in-law telling me they were expecting. The feelings of happiness for them, sadness for me and just plain jealousy (sorry to admit that). It happens. Even with the person we love the most. After they had their baby and I still had none, holding her and carrying her and dreaming what it must be like. You too will get past this. God will see you through. My life during that time was incredibly hard as I know yours is too.
Praying for you!

May 4, 2009 at 9:10 AM  
Blogger Marsha said...

What great pictures! My heart hurts for you as you miss Cora so much. I pray for you daily.

Love and prayers.

Marsha in VA

May 4, 2009 at 9:16 AM  
Blogger Miss Em said...

You are very blessed to have such amazing family. I keep praying for you and Joel.

Sending hugs.

May 4, 2009 at 9:28 AM  
Blogger Happiness Is... said...

The story about Ellie blowing bubbles to Cora brought tears to my eyes. I think about you all often, even though we've never met. (((hugs)))

May 4, 2009 at 10:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We don't know each other, but my heart just breaks for you. I don't understand alot of things, but I do know that God is good. I am praying for you as you go through missing Cora. I'm sure that next weekend will be especially hard with it being Mother's Day. Know that a sister in Georgia is lifting you up to our Father for an extra measure of peace...

May 4, 2009 at 1:05 PM  
Blogger athans' family said...

I somehow came across your blog last week and still really don't know how. I have read it over and over and just cry for you and your husband and for your family.
I have and will continue to pray for you. What a true reminder you are of how bad things happen to good people, but you can still have faith in such a wonderful GOD!!
Thank you for being an inspiration to all of us moms!
I can't wait to buy clothes soon! :)

May 4, 2009 at 2:12 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

My heart breaks for you. I think of you often and hope that somehow, someday the pain lessens for you. God bless you.

May 4, 2009 at 2:27 PM  
Blogger Enos Family said...

Jess-
I haven't commented for awhile, but I continue to follow your story and "check in on you." This post was so touching and so heartfelt. I haven't cried like this for awhile. You are truly an amazing woman, and a great writer. I just don't know if I could have the strength, love and understanding that you do. You are an inspiration. Maybe you should write a book...
Take care and bless you and Joel.

May 4, 2009 at 2:38 PM  
Blogger Kylie, Jesse and Asher said...

It's wonderful that you are letting other children help your heart heal. As painful as it was to be around Ellie and Esther it's good for your soul. I'm sure it will NEVER be easy to be without Cora but it's so good that you are giving to others and loving with such compassion. Thank you for sharing your heart and being vulnerable...you are amazing!!!

May 4, 2009 at 4:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Watched your tv segment again..although as usual tears streamed down my face..hearing yours and Joel's voices talk about your sweet Cora and your FAITH, well I just have no words to express...You continue to inspire and amaze me with your faith..THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR CONTINUEING TO SHARE WITH US, hopefully we haven't become a hindrence to you...we just wish to support you in some small way.
You, Joel and Cora continue to be in my thoughts and prayers multiple times a day.

Kim

May 4, 2009 at 5:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you have done in an amazing way what all of us parents need to do. That is you have submitted your daughter to the Lord for His glory . No doubt, this was not the way you had thought He would use such a precious girl. Yet, He clearly has used her and we are all the richer for your giving her to Him. We are blessed because you have taught us what it means to submit to our Father and you have taught us that in doing this what is His is also yours. Some of us pray that our children will bring glory to our Lord. You have taught us that this prayer is not to be taken lightly. As you celebrate Mothers' Day you will be feeling an emptiness like we cannot imagine. Yet maybe you can find some strength and solace in the fact that God has used your little precious Cora to touch so many of us.
We love you so much and prayer for you many times.

May 4, 2009 at 8:35 PM  
Blogger Trina S. said...

I just read your stories about Cora and I wish you and your family lots of love and light.

May 4, 2009 at 10:25 PM  
Blogger The little things said...

.. I too am sitting here crying at your post- you are so wonderfuly real and so wonderfuly beautiful. Our family loves following you and praying for you and loving on you.

May 4, 2009 at 10:49 PM  
Anonymous t.roe said...

my heart greives for you guys.
we will continue to pray for your heart to mend and heal. mourning is a process and it takes time. time to heal. know you guys are loved by so many people and that your little cora is so very proud of you and the witness you have been for The Lord through all of this!
hugs!!

May 5, 2009 at 12:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I only have boys....Ellie has one amazing sense of Princess style! I LOVE her outfits. I can see why she wears them everyday:)

May 5, 2009 at 12:22 PM  
Anonymous Debbie - Boston said...

I am praying for you and your family...I can't imagine the pain you are going through...No mother should have to deal with that kind of pain and loss.

Your Cora was a beautiful little girl. I cry every time I think of your tragedy and hope for peace and happiness in your future.

May 5, 2009 at 1:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are still in my thoughts and prayers! Keep the faith!

May 5, 2009 at 1:57 PM  
Blogger Amy H said...

I know this weekend is going to be very hard for you so I wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts. You are such a good mommy, even if your baby isn't in your arms every night. She is in your heart and that still makes such a difference. She can feel your love.

May 5, 2009 at 2:52 PM  
Blogger PamperingBeki said...

Wishing you a peaceful rainy Tuesday.

May 5, 2009 at 4:02 PM  
Blogger Judy said...

Hey! I'm praying for you guys today!

May 5, 2009 at 5:17 PM  
Blogger Kristin Stegent said...

I was just thinking of you, Jess, and thinking this must be a really hard week for you with it being mother's day. I went back and read almost your whole blog during Cora's life, and I just wanted to tell you that I think you are a precious and beautiful Mommy...and that Cora must be so glad to be your baby girl! I hurt for you just thinking of this week. And I wish so badly you could dress Cora up and take her to church feeling proud to be her mom. I am so sorry! You are so loved!

May 5, 2009 at 5:57 PM  
Blogger Wendy said...

jess, you really have such beautiful words. i can see the kindness in you. i'm so glad you have a wonderful mother to celebrate mother's day with. i pray that brings you joy in the midst of the absence of your precious girl. I know Cora will be in Heaven, looking down at you, praying so hard that her mommy has a Happy Mother's Day.

love and prayers from North Carolina

May 5, 2009 at 8:13 PM  
Blogger Kelli said...

Beautifully said. Crying and praying with you.

May 5, 2009 at 8:47 PM  
Blogger kristin said...

Jess, I have thought about your comment about missing the feeling of being a mom. My heart goes out to you and I pray for you & Joel on a daily basis. You are still a mom, you are still Cora's mom and you always will be. I pray that when you all are ready you will be blessed with another child. I will uplift you in prayer as this mothers day appoaches. With love, Kristin

May 5, 2009 at 9:12 PM  
Anonymous Cristy said...

Jess...

Still praying for you guys. How precious....bubbles for Cora! Oh, what a sweet post. Your words tug at my heart.

Cristy

May 5, 2009 at 9:55 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

Cora was very blessed to have you as a mommy. The part about blowing bubbles to cora made me have tears...its amazing how kids can say the most innocent of things and touch our lives...

prayers are constantly with you.

May 5, 2009 at 10:03 PM  
OpenID balmingilead said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers continually. - Amy

May 5, 2009 at 10:18 PM  
Blogger jen christians said...

I have read an re-read this post... You have a way with words that allows us into your heart. Thank-you...It helps me know how to pray for you... Reminds me how to be a better person, and keeps me focused on a Christ centered life.. You are so selfless... In so many ways...Imagine that...YOU helping me... And I am SURE I am not the only one.... God Bless you Jess...

May 5, 2009 at 11:54 PM  
Blogger PamperingBeki said...

Praying for you this morning.
Praying you smile as you think of fond memories of Cora.
Her little laugh, her chubby thighs, the sleepless nights and messes you had to clean. It was all worth it.
Praying you feel a peace knowing that she's sitting in the lap of Jesus today. And as anxious as you are to see her again, she's just as excited to see you and her daddy again!

May 6, 2009 at 8:59 AM  
Blogger mommaof4wife2r said...

bless your sweet hearts...tears are the only thing on my mind right now. prayers continue for you all.

and what a precious fam you have too! your niece is a special little gift...

May 6, 2009 at 9:06 AM  
OpenID shepherdsgrace said...

sniff, sniff...

blowing the bubbles up to heaven...

sniff, sniff...

thank you for sharing...

May 6, 2009 at 10:39 AM  
Blogger Sarah Joy said...

I just wanted to leave you a message to tell you that I was in Targhet buying cards for Mother's Day this weekend and totally started crying thinking about you. I will be praying for you the rest iof this week and this weekend will be especially praying for you as you walk through your first Mother's Day with our your sweet Cora here to hold. I know the Lord is with and I pray he will speak to your heart exactly what you and Joel need to hear.

May 6, 2009 at 11:02 AM  
Blogger The Boyds said...

Jess,
I am still praying for you. Particularly as this weekend arrives. You have been heavy on my heart lately. Naomi an I pray for you each day during our Bible time. May God continue to comfort you!

"May Your unfailing love be my comfort,according to Your promise to your servant." Psalm 119:76

With many prayers,
Kelly
akboyd@blogspot.com

May 6, 2009 at 12:02 PM  
OpenID Ashley said...

Thinking of you as this upcoming Mother's Day approaches. I am sending up prayers of comfort for you...God loves you!

May 6, 2009 at 4:47 PM  
Blogger Marlene W. said...

Oh my, this just left tears in my eyes. You have darling nieces who are so blessed to have you as an aunt. I am sure Cora treasured all those bubbles sent up to her. I am still praying for you and sending you from-the-bottom-of-my-heart encouragement that God will bring you through every day with His love.

May 6, 2009 at 9:50 PM  
Blogger ran shae said...

thinking of and praying for you!

May 7, 2009 at 1:41 PM  
Anonymous Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com said...

You're making me cry too. Oh, I wish I could take this away and make it all better. I'm so, so sorry that I can't.

Congratulations to your family on the arrival of a new, precious little girl.

May 7, 2009 at 6:49 PM  
Blogger The Schilling's from PICU said...

Oh she is sooo sweet. Tell your sister we are sooo glad to finally meet the precious babe that was in her belly! :) I can't imagine what you were feeling at that time. I pray that once again some day you will feel that feeling of having another child to hold and love.... Cora will be a precious angel to watch over her brothers and sisters to come.... I wish I could have just jumped through this screen and hugged you! Take care and know we are praying hard for happier days ahead for you all!
Love ALWAYS!

AMIE

May 7, 2009 at 10:09 PM  
Anonymous Nan said...

How bittersweet... I imagine many things have that flavor nowadays for you both. Those pangs of loss will always be there but I pray that as the months turn to years, God turns them all into sweetness -- sweetness of your memories and God's sweet comfort in the most hellish of circumstances. Your tears and your reliance upon him are sweet and precious to him and he has them counted.

There is nothing like the bond that we have in Christ that enables us to rejoice with those who rejoice and that enables us to mourn with those who mourn... even when we have to do those things simultaneously.

I simply can't fathom your sorrow and that horrible deep pit of emptiness that hits you in waves... but Oh how our Heavenly Father knows it and chose it willingly for our salvation and for the security of our joy -- joy which penetrates even into the deepest of pains. You clearly have that joy even through your tears.

May 9, 2009 at 6:40 PM  
Blogger Tammie said...

i love that you are sharing your heart and tears and days and thoughts and FAITH with us....i haven't been here in a little while but i am so glad i stopped by this morning. I love you heart..... and i love feeling the tears roll down my cheeks as i read your words....and see God' healing in between the lines.....

Your sister in Jesus,
Tammie

May 12, 2009 at 6:28 AM  

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