The Macs

Friday, May 1, 2009

the best job EVER

Being a mom is by far the best "job" I have ever had. 

Before Cora was born I was a kindergarten teacher. I taught for four years. I loved being a teacher. I loved working with kids everyday. But, when I became a mom there was just no job like it.

I resigned from teaching in May. I went back to work for three weeks to finish out the school year. I knew I could do it for only three weeks. But even for such a short time I hated being away from my baby.

I LOVED being a stay-at-home mom. I have always wanted to stay home with my kids. Joel and I had planned on making it work so that I could stay home when we had kids. It was something that was important to us.  I loved being with Cora and experiencing all the daily routines together. I loved watching her grow and learning new things. I loved being there for all of her "firsts". It was amazing! I loved telling Joel about our day--no matter how uneventful it really was. I loved being a part of a mom's group at church and joining a Bible study with other young moms. Of course I had my days and moments when I needed to get out of the house or needed a break. After all, I am human. But really, I loved it!

I think that is why I am having such a hard time transitioning to this "new job". 

I had thought about teaching again or working with kids in some way. I loved it before. But, I just wasn't ready to make that commitment yet. I wasn't sure I was even ready to be around kids all the time. I prayed a lot about it. I prayed that the Lord would make it really clear to me if I was supposed to work again.  I didn't really want to work, but I wondered if it would be good for me. About two weeks after I started praying about it an opportunity pretty much fell into my lap. It wasn't working with kids or like any other job I had ever had.  I was so hesitant, but Joel and I felt like that was what I was supposed to do--for now. So, four weeks ago I started working part time. This is my fourth week to be back to work. I am working three half-days doing receptionist type stuff. I work with wonderful people. I know a lot of them which is so nice. They know that my life is not "normal".

Even after praying through this and taking the job I REALLY wrestled with God. Especially the first week. I started questioning. Why? Why would God want me to work in an office instead of be a stay-at-home mom? Why would God take my daughter away from me? Why? 

You know that job that I described earlier? Being a stay-at-home mom. THAT is the job that I want to be doing. Being Cora's mom and staying home was part of my plan. Losing her and going back to work was not part of my plan.

Sometime I get to the point when I am so frustrated with my emotions. The point when my heart fills so full of despair because of what has happened. The point when I struggle to understand how such a horrible thing could be part of God's loving plan for my life. That is when I have to fall back on what I know about my Lord. Who He is and what I know to be true about Him and His character. He does love me--more than I could ever comprehend (Romans 5:8). Losing Cora was part of his plan for my life, even though I don't understand. And He promises in all things to work for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). He promises to make ALL things new (Revelation 21:5). He promises me a HOPE and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). And he promises to walk beside me and comfort me along the way (Psalm 23:4). How great is our God! (2 Samuel 7:22)

I am trying to take this new job, just like everything else, day-by-day. I am praying that the Lord will help me to be content with where I am at. To take this time to grow closer to Him and listen to His voice. And I am praying that He will bless us with more kids some day... that I can go back to that job that I love so much.

You can't beat being a mom! 


Blogger Beki - TheRustedChain said...

You are a mom, through and through.

As hard as it is to go to work several times a week, I think God knows that it's better for you than being home. It forces you into a different thought process for a bit.

God bless you.

May 6, 2009 at 10:24 PM  
Blogger Devon said...

even though cora is not here with you, you are are still her mom and always will be!

i still struggle with the "whys" and i've finally concluded that there is no good reason, in my mind. no good reason for my sweet boys to not be here...for your cora to be gone.

so we rest in Him. beautiful words.

i dont know you but i think of you often...

May 6, 2009 at 10:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are always close to my heart and thoughts. Thank you for writing tonight. Praying for you and your family--

another Mom

May 6, 2009 at 10:30 PM  
Blogger Marla Taviano said...

I am so inspired by the strength you have to get through each day. I know it's not your own--God shines through you so brightly!

Praying for you as Mother's Day approaches. Praying you know that you're still a mom--even if your baby's waiting for you in heaven. Praying God continues to love on you and strengthen you. Praying you get to be a stay-at-home-mom again very soon!

Love and hugs!!

May 6, 2009 at 10:32 PM  
Blogger Lacey McKay said...

Hi Jess,

I just wanted to leave a note and let you know that I think about you daily. Your story has impacted my life in a huge way, as I'm sure it has many, many others. I have found my way back to God since I started reading about Cora. I read my scriptures daily, something I have never done in my entire life. Your trust in God is so strong and it has been a great inspiration to me. I cry for you and Joel and I pray for you every day. I can't tell you how much you have changed my life and I wish only good things for you as you move forward through this most difficult time.

I too ask God "why" he took her from this world at such a young age. I believe that you will be together as a family again someday.


May 6, 2009 at 10:38 PM  
Blogger Marie said...

you really can't beat being a mom, that's for sure! that was a beautiful post that gave much glory to our awesome God...thanks for sharing!

May 6, 2009 at 10:42 PM  
Blogger Susan said...

You have been on my heart this week, with Mothers Day approaching, and knowing it will be yet another hard day for you.

I am so sorry still that you lost your sweet Cora. It's just not fair, and I know you've had those thoughts. You are handling this horrible loss with such grace and remarkably maintaining a love for God that shines through your writing.

One day, in His time, His plans will be revealed. Until then, you are still a Mother and always will be.

I know the day won't be happy, but you deserve to be honored so...Happy Mothers a lovely lady who was a wonderful Mommy to Cora, and who any baby will be fortunate to call Mommy.

Many blessings, prayers, and love,
Susan in Indiana

May 6, 2009 at 10:48 PM  
Blogger Holly said...

Being a mom is the greatest blessing I've ever experienced. It hurts when your blessing is taken away from you. God loves us more than we can ever fathom. His will is always good. Thank you for sharing!

May 6, 2009 at 10:48 PM  
Blogger wicker0407 said...

I think about you and sweet Cora on a regular basis. I know in my heart you will get your dream job of being a stay at home mom back again very soon. I can not even begin to imagine all the things you have been through but your strength and grace shine through on each and every post. You and Joel are still in my prayers always!
Summer and Family in California

May 6, 2009 at 10:48 PM  
Blogger Kathryn said...

I think about you & pray for you often. My heart aches for your empty arms & i can't imagine how hard the coming Mother's Day may be for you.

My arms are empty, also. But i never got to hold my little one. I lost her before she was big enough to take a breath. Mother's Day is difficult for me as well.

But you have touched my heart in a special way. I cried when i read that Cora was gone. And it has hurt to think how hard this is for you. I pray that God will provide special grace for you to make it thru Sunday, & every day besides. He does give us many promises & he keeps his word, even if we don't understand. We see only such a small part of the picture.

May the peace of the Lord be with you & may he shower you with blessings.

May 6, 2009 at 11:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I will be praying for you on Mother's Day.
I just became a grandmother 2 weeks daughter taught Kindergarten....and is a stay at home mom only until this school year is over.
I read your blog daily and think of you often...what a sweet and wonderful person you are. God bless you.

May 6, 2009 at 11:02 PM  
Anonymous Robin in Benton said...

I know that some day you will have the opportunity to return to that best job ever - and until then know that God has led you to this job for a reason. I know that this Sunday Cora will be blowing kisses from Heaven to her Mommy on Mothers Day.

Thinking of you and praying for you often.


May 6, 2009 at 11:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hope the jobs helps ease the pain a bit...being focused on something else a few hours a day much be somewhat of a mini-vacation. I know you will get your dream job back. You are an amazing person and mother and God will be sure to bless you with more. He knows how great you are. Take care and hug your mom extra tight this Mother's Day. Lean on your family and remember the good.
Bless you and Joel.

May 6, 2009 at 11:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Although God's plan seems SO unfair, you seem so willing to give Him the glory. Your emotions are so REAL, askin why, is okay and I believe God expects this, He knows how you will feel tomorrow, and in the days and years to come. He also has a plan for you. I don't know God's plan, so it would be unfair for me to say that I KNOW you will be a Stay-at-home mommy again soon. I CAN just pray that God places more children in your loving arms while He holds your precious daughter in His. While this plan would not HEAL your wound, mask your pain, or bandage your heart, it would help you feel "normal" again. It would give you someone to read Cora's books with and read their books to Cora. It would fill your home with something you SO desperately miss. May God's plan for you be revealed soon. Although we don't know His plan we can pray that He will bless you and comfort you in a way that only HE can.

May 6, 2009 at 11:13 PM  
Blogger texasinafrica said...

Sometimes a routine is a bit of grace. It helps to break up the days and gives you someplace you need to be. It means there are people depending on you so you're not alone with your thoughts all the time. I'm thankful for that gift in your life.

I don't have answers about God's plan or why Cora is gone. Having lived in central Africa, I've seen mothers lose their babies in numbers that are almost impossible to fathom, most of them in ways that were entirely preventable if they hadn't been born in one of the poorest, most dangerous places on earth.

After awhile, I stopped worrying about God's plans and started thinking about how to be the hands and feet of Christ to prevent it from happening again.

I don't believe that pain and suffering in and of itself glorifies God. That turns God into some kind of cosmic sadist who's just out there messing with us. But God knows what it is to feel pain and sadness. So it may not be that God is glorified because of Cora's death but rather that God is glorified and good is worked in you despite her death. And I think that's okay.

Hang in there.

May 6, 2009 at 11:29 PM  
Blogger The Moffats said...

Jessie - Praying for you as you are working and adjusting. Thinking about you lots this week. Love and hugs.

May 6, 2009 at 11:32 PM  
Anonymous Maureen said...

I have been thinking about you this week, asking the Lord to be ever near to you. After having a still birth in 2001 @ 31weeks I ache when you talk about the emotions of the heart. I am so very blessed to hear you articulate standing on the promises of God. He is so big and I am always so blessed by reading your blog. My continued prayers are with you.

Praying in WA,

May 7, 2009 at 12:08 AM  
Anonymous Christina said...

Oh, Jess, your words are so powerful. Your trust is such an example. I will pray your own words, that you will continually fall back on what you know, who you know God to be, that you will remember His ultimate promises, lean heavily and fully on Him, cling to the hope we have in Him, and continue to praise His name with all of your pain and any joy that you find in your days. I think it is beautiful that you express your desire for more children, and whatever God's timing is for that, I will pray for it as well. From a human perspective, you deserve a family, no, a family deserves you. What a woman God has made you to be.

May 7, 2009 at 12:16 AM  
Blogger Jess said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

May 7, 2009 at 12:35 AM  
Blogger Jess said...

You have got to be the strongest momma I know. You love our God and that is amazing. You aren't bitter after such a loss, you are AMAZING & so is Joel. Thank you so very much for sharing your feelings. I have ran across a ton of blogs about sick babies and even sick twins, I have twin girls. My girls are a month younger than your sweet baby Cora. I found Cora's story on craigslist and I decided to read from the very first post. Cora's story has crushed my heart into a million peices and has also been the most uplifting blog I have ever read. Thank you! You and Joel are so amazing. Happy Mother's Day, you are the best!


May 7, 2009 at 12:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You two are incredible... what a journey and impossible load!... BUT the Lord has been right beside the both of you every step of the way. You are so strong & although I have never walked in your shoes, from my perspective, you couldn't be doing a better job!!! Good for you. :)

Prayers & well wishes,
Nichole from Tulsa

May 7, 2009 at 12:51 AM  
Blogger Jess@craftiness is not optional said...

wow. you are amazing! I admire how you've dealt with this tragedy and the loss of sweet Cora. I wish you the best with your new job, and even though I don't know you I think about you and little Cora often, as her and my daughter were close in age. I can't imagine what you've gone through and are going through. I pray for you often and hope the days get easier for you...

(another) Jessica

May 7, 2009 at 12:52 AM  
Blogger Mommy said...

You are a true inspiration. Being a mom is the most wonderful job! Thank you for the reminder. My heart aches for you, but I know God is carrying you through. You are amazing! Thanks for opening your heart to all of us! Many blessings to you! Good luck with your new job!

May 7, 2009 at 1:11 AM  
Blogger Mum2twopreciousgifts said...

Dear Jess

Your post today move me to tears. It was so beautifully written. I just wish I could hug you. Not that would change anything but I want to let you know how much you inspire me.

I am a Mum to a child with special needs. I'm also a Mum to a 'normal' child. But for many years now, I've been praying for and blogging with as many NB children as I come across.

Your Faith, trust in our Lord and wisdom is inspiring. You remind me why we are walking the road HE chose and you remind me of his constant love for all of us.

I had a not so great day yesterday. Two ill children and on not a lot of sleep, I was cranky. But as I sat and cried a prayer for patience, the Lord answered me by thinking of you. HE reminded me that although yesterday (or a child with a disability) wasn't in my plan, it was in his and I had to trust. I then smiled.

I hope your current 'job' helps a little until you can be a Mum to another bouncing baby here on earth. You will forever be Cora's Mum and from what I've read, she couldn't have asked for better parents.

God Bless you, Joel, your families and thank you for sharing Cora's and your journey with so many.

May 7, 2009 at 1:21 AM  
Blogger Jon & Sarah said...

My heart breaks for you. I am praying for you...that God would fill you with His perfect peace as you trust in Him. Thank you so very much for your witness. I am so blessed to see God working through your life...Thank you!!!

Praying from Japan,

May 7, 2009 at 1:22 AM  
Blogger Candice said...

I know it probably doesn't feel like it to you, but you have an amazing attitude and outlook. I know this can't be easy and you must have many low points, but you are so strong to even get out of bed in the morning. I'm so sorry little Cora isn't here with you. I'm still praying for you daily. Next time, I will pray you will go back to that job you love so much one day.

May 7, 2009 at 2:15 AM  
Anonymous Melanie said...

You are an amazing person and I pray for you and your family

May 7, 2009 at 2:28 AM  
Blogger Taking Heart said...

My thoughts fell on you when was reading "the Shack"... and then on my own daughter and how I love her so much it hurts. I don't think words could ever touch how deeply you long for your baby to be back.

But, you are right, God's will and ours aren't always the same, but we can take comfort in knowing that His will is perfect... and He loves us... so much it hurts.

May 7, 2009 at 5:03 AM  
Blogger oneordinaryday said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

May 7, 2009 at 5:33 AM  
Blogger oneordinaryday said...

Your post is beautifully honest and I tried to comment but ended up deleting it. I know I've been changed by your family's experience and I pray for you. Cora and you have changed us all.

May 7, 2009 at 5:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh Sweet are still a Mom. It is so much easier for all of us here on the outside to say that this is all part of God's plan, you are so brave.

This job is part of his "Comfort"...takes your mind off of every single memory that surrounds you at home. Hang in there...God is Good and his Blessings will be abundant!

May 7, 2009 at 6:00 AM  
Anonymous savanna said...

You are still a mom!!!!! I am praying for you. You are being faithful to the Lord, and He will bless you for it. Just think of the reunion you will have in heaven one day with sweet Cora! You are such a light to us all, and even though I don't know you personally, I wish I did. You are beautiful, inside and out!

May 7, 2009 at 6:36 AM  
Blogger hoosier68 said...

I am in awe of your strength and want you to know that I continue to hold you and yours in my thoughts and prayers.

May 7, 2009 at 6:37 AM  
Blogger The Noble Steeds said...

Several months ago, I faced losing our newborn son. I have always known that we are on this earth to prove ourselves to God, to turn to Christ and exemplify the life he led. Through my recent trials I have also learned that I have to prove myself to me. God knows what I can handle more than I do.

I can't begin to understand the battles you face each day. I so admire your honesty and your continued faith. You have touched so many. You have touched me. Thank you.

May 7, 2009 at 6:58 AM  
Anonymous Megan said...

Thank you for reminding me of some of my favorite verses today.

May 7, 2009 at 6:59 AM  
Anonymous Toni :O) said...

I don't know you personally either but I feel I know you through your blog. I think of you and your pain in losing your sweet girl daily. I pray for you so often and every time I hug my children, I give them an extra Cora hug. Your family changed my life and how I see things. If anything, know you have inspired so many of us to appreciate every single day we have with our children. I hope you have a nice Mother's Day and that your memories of your beautiful Cora will comfort you. Thank you for sharing these posts, I can only imagine how difficult it must be to put your emotions into words, but you do it so well. God must have provided you that wonderful gift and please know how much I appreciate it. Continuing to send you love and hugs for support from Michigan.

May 7, 2009 at 7:33 AM  
Blogger lauren said...

your story continues to touch my life and i pray for you and your family so often. your perspective has helped me a lot with my own perspective.

May 7, 2009 at 7:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You continue to amaze and inspired me with your honesty, faith and strength..So glad you have the distraction of the not your dream job but just helping you get through the days.
Thoughts and prayers!


May 7, 2009 at 7:35 AM  
Blogger Misty Rice said...

I had 'one of those' days yesterday and am about to post about it later today on my blog. One of those days where I am frustrated, not as patient as I normally would be and feeling just cranky. I very much needed to get out of the house, so my neighbor came over and she took Morgan and I on a bike ride to her daughters house. It was exactly what I needed to do. JUST GET OUT.

I ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS humble myself and think of you and Cora, and then I squeeze my daughter and love her so much more.

You are a mom, and your purpose (for now) I think, is God is using YOU as a great example of how to be better moms. I AM a better mom because of you.

And I have a great feeling.... that God will not deny your heart of more children. I actually thought of this the other night while rocking Morgan. Wondering if you would have more and hoped that you would, so they can hear all the wonderful things about Cora, and seeing bits and pieces of their big sister Cora in them, will give you a piece of her back here on earth.

So although its supposed to be HAPPY MOTHERS DAY to you...... I will say BLESSED MOTHERS DAY to you.

I pray for you all the time.

You are a beautiful mother..... and always will be. I pray that God help me to be a parent more like Him. And through you, He is showing me exactly that.

Thank you.

May 7, 2009 at 7:39 AM  
Blogger ~C~ said...

I cannot fathom what you are going through. I cannot find the right words to even begin to offer comfort. You seem to have such a strong faith and that is a miracle in and of itself. To lose a child and not lose your faith is a struggle. Being a Mom is the best/worst/hardest/easiest job there is and I pray that your prayers are answered and one day you can do it all again, that in the meantime you find the peace you need and the comfort you so long for. I know some others who have been touched by childhood cancer and do a local Relay for Life with a 5 year old survivor. God will make sure that you are where you need to be when you need to be there, it's for Him to know all the reasons why or why not. I will keep praying for you and when I walk next weekend at Relay for Life, I'll walk for Cora too.

May 7, 2009 at 7:48 AM  
Blogger Kelli said...

Praying that you are able to be a stay at home mom so soon sweet girl. Cora was SO BLESSED to have you as a mommy at home with her!

May 7, 2009 at 8:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My heart absolutely breaks for you. While I agree that, yes, God does have a plan even though we may not understand all or parts of it; I still would be as confused and angry as you are. I cannot fathom the pain of losing a child at birth; however, losing a child that you have built a relationship with, I'm not sure that wouldn't just plain suck more! I feel for you so much. Keeping you in my prayers. I never know exactly what to say...
Prayers & Love, from one mother to another!!
Julie B

May 7, 2009 at 8:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't understand "WHY" either? She was so loved and such a beautiful little girl. Everything happened so fast, it's so hard to process. I wish we could know "why" he took her back home so young. I do know she is a Daughter of our Heavenly Father. He loves her, and loves you. I'm so sorry your arms are empty right now and that you hurt so much. I do hope sweet Cora is right near you carrying you along this new "most difficult" journey. I do pray that you know you are still a mom to sweet Cora, and I do pray that one day your amrs will be full again with a child to love. I know it wont be Cora, but I think all your fourthcoming children will have a piece of her in them. They must be with her right now and I'm sure she's telling them what amazing parent's she has, how much she misses them, and how wonderful it will be when her siblings get to meet you.

I know none of my words take away your pain. I hope this coming Mother's Day wont bring on more awful pain. I hope you can celebrate being a mom to Cora, even if it's different now.

I just pray that the day will soon come when we can all meet our Maker and it will all be OKAY!!! I can't wait to meet Cora, give her a big hug, and tell her how much she changed me. Until that day, may God's love shine ever so brightly over you, and may his loving arms hold you tight. All My Love to you and Joel!!!!!

May 7, 2009 at 8:18 AM  
Blogger Lauren said...

You're precious and I'm praying for you as you transition into working again! We love you!! :)

May 7, 2009 at 8:26 AM  
Blogger Amy said...

I have been following your blog since January and praying for you. I recently downloaded the song "blessed be your name"...everytime I play it on my ipod I think of you and pray for you. Amy from Mississippi

May 7, 2009 at 8:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This was so beautifully written. I have been thinking alot about you lately and have had something on my heart that I wanted to say to you, but didn't know when would be the right time. I think this might be it. My parents lost a child years ago (my only sibling) and I remember growing up wishing that they would have another one (I wanted another brother or sister so badly). They never did because they were worried that people would think the were "replacing" the child that they had lost or that THEY would feel that way themselves. YEARS later my Mom realized that she was wrong...people would have supported her, understood, and rejoiced with her...she could have loved another baby and seen he/she for who he/she was and not as a "replacement". I am not going to pretend to know what emotions or thoughts you have when it comes to deciding when or if to have another child, but maybe this touches on one of them. Praying for you always.

May 7, 2009 at 8:49 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

WOw! that made me cry a little. You are a mom. Good luck with your new job.

May 7, 2009 at 9:03 AM  
Blogger Tricia said...

A mother's love really is like a circle, with no beginning and no end. Being a mom really is the best job ever. You will always have that job.
My heart breaks for you. I had to stop reading half way through to see through the tears. I can not begin to imagine what it feels like for you.
God has blessed you with a support system that many people could only hope for.
You continue to be in my prayers.
Love from a stranger in NY,

May 7, 2009 at 9:05 AM  
Blogger onlymehere said...

I have been following your blog for some time now. I believe that Cora is a very special spirit and did not have to prove herself on this earth so God took her home to be with him. I believe the rest of us are sent here to be tested and tried. Our church believes that children under the age of 8 do not know the difference between right and wrong to commit sin so those who die before then (we're baptized at age 8) go home to live with their Heavenly Father. I believe that you will be a family with Cora again. I know that doesn't help ease your pain much and it doesn't explain why but I just wanted to comment today to let you know that there are people like me who may be quiet on your blog but who are touched by your story and who pray for you and your family. Cindy

May 7, 2009 at 9:21 AM  
Blogger meg duerksen said...

i love your honesty jess.

May 7, 2009 at 9:22 AM  
Blogger April said...

I can't even tell you where I came across your blog - I think God was leading me in your direction. I have been reading for a little while, but have never posted.

I believe that God wants me to have a conversation with my mom. I love my mom and she's so incredible. I just had my first baby in October and I feel I can truly related to my mother on a whole new level now. Back to my main point though, my mother lost my brother as an infant 20 year ago. She has never really expressed much about it, and I suppose that is because I never asked. Now being a mother myself, I understand. I understand what it means and feels like to be a mom, but I can only imagine a fraction of the emotions a mother goes through when losing a child. My heartaches so badly just looking at my little boy, trying to imagine what it would be like if he were called home.

I know my mother has held on to so much anger and resentment. I know that her faith hasn't been the same in over 20 years now. I know that God wants me to talk to her and help her forgive. Reading your words through your own experience, I believe has helped to arm me with a further understanding on how to approach her. I pray that God will use me as a vessel to speak through and I pray that her heart be softened to receive my words. I thank you for sharing your deep emotions, even though trying to sift through them to form them into actual words must be very difficult. I am sorry you have been through this heartache. You are inspiring to me because I know now it is possible for my mother to see the light through such terrible tragedy. Thank you,

May 7, 2009 at 9:30 AM  
Blogger k and c's mom said...

Still praying for you in Austin. You have my heart! Please keep sharing your needs. We want to hear and we want to pray.

May 7, 2009 at 9:56 AM  
Blogger Melanie @ Whimsical Creations said...

You will always be cora's mommy. hugs!

May 7, 2009 at 10:32 AM  
Blogger Jenae said...

You are always such an inspiration to me!!! I'll be praying that this new job brings you comfort and maybe even some joy. Thank you for reminding me of what a wonderful blessing it is to be a stay-at-home mom. I admit that sometimes I forget this...thank you!!!

May 7, 2009 at 10:34 AM  
Blogger Emily said...

You are right "you can't beat being a mom". I hope someday to be able to stay home with my ittle one and future ones, I envy those that can. I am so glad that you could with Cora and will again with your future babies. Much love to you and Joel.
Always praying for you!

May 7, 2009 at 10:38 AM  
Blogger The Jones' said...

I LOVE this post! There is seriously nothing like it! It is so good to hear that..sometimes I seem to get discontent with being at home and it is good to be encouraged and reminded how blessed we are. Thank you Jess for pouring out your heart!

May 7, 2009 at 10:45 AM  
Blogger From the Dotte said...

You will always be Cora's Mom, and one day a wonderful, loving mother to another sweet baby.

May 7, 2009 at 10:47 AM  
Blogger Kerry said...

I still think of you and pray for you. I am glad you update your blog. You have tough milestones still ahead and I pray that as they come and go you feel the prayers and love that are sent up to Him on your behalf.

I pray too for more children for you and are a great mom and will be even better for all that you have been through. Your kids will see Jesus in you every day...I see Him in you in the words you type on this blog and I know that is where you are getting your strength.He will bring you back to the job you love.God Bless you and be with you on Mother's Day. Cora will be rejoicing over you with Him.

May 7, 2009 at 10:56 AM  
Blogger Micah said...

It is so hard to see God's plan sometimes. I'm glad you're so trusting. *praying*

May 7, 2009 at 11:05 AM  
Blogger Angela said...

I can't imagine how hard it would be to return to the workforce in your situation. I get so sad just thinking about it. Please don't think there is a magic timeline where everything will feel "normal." It's okay for you to grieve for your little girl. God understands. We understand. And we're still praying for you.

May 7, 2009 at 11:24 AM  
Blogger Heather's Home (aka Chez Hez) said...

Jess, you are a one will ever take that from you. I can't imagine how hard it is for you to write the things you do and yet you persevere and move through the hard and the heartbreaking with a lot of dignity and a lot of grace. We're still praying for all of you.

*hearts* and God Bless

~ Heather

May 7, 2009 at 12:26 PM  
Blogger kristin said...

Jess, As I previously posted(I was way down the list so you might not have read it)you are still a mom
and always will be Cora's mom. I keep you in prayer everyday and I also pray that you & Joel will be blessed with another child. It will happen when God knows the timing is right for you. Much love, Kristin

May 7, 2009 at 12:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

crying with you...

it's all I can say...


May 7, 2009 at 1:21 PM  
Anonymous Karina said...

You express it all soooo well. I am a SAHM too, after many years of office work, and I also appreciate the difference enormously. I am thinking of you, especially for Mother's Day, and hoping for more children to fill your life and return you to the job you love.

May 7, 2009 at 1:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Have you ever considered putting these experiences into a book or devotional? Just a thought.

May 7, 2009 at 2:05 PM  
Blogger Marsha said...

It is so hard for me to see God's plan in situations like this--but I have to rest in knowing that He does have a plan. We may never know the plan while we are here. I am in prayer for you each and every day. I pray that God will bless your family with more children so that you can go back to your "best job ever:" Thanks for continuing to be a rock solid role model of faith and courage for me and many others.

Love and prayers,

Marsha in VA

May 7, 2009 at 2:08 PM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

Praying for you often and especially this weekend -

May 7, 2009 at 2:22 PM  
Blogger starnes family said...

Such a lovely post. Thinking about you!

May 7, 2009 at 3:05 PM  
Blogger Jamie said...

I've been following your journey for a while now. My husband went to seminary with your cousin Nate P and that is how we first heard of Cora. I had told shared the story on my blog and I know it touched some of my friends as well. One friend purchased 4 Cora dresses for her girls and I reacently had a photoshoot with them. The girls all looked so adorable in their Cora dresses and I wanted to share that with you! May God grant you PEACE that passes all understanding.

May 7, 2009 at 3:26 PM  
Blogger Kaitlin and Taylor Dance said...

Praying for a great mom this mothers day! You are still her mommy, and you always will be! You did a great job with her while she was here, and you are doing a great job with her story now that she is with Him, and you will do an AMAZING job when you are with her again.

May 7, 2009 at 3:45 PM  
Blogger The Gayden's said...

Being a SHAM is the best job in the world, but you have been fufilling a even great job for our Lord. You have through your sweet Cora, reached millions of people who have been inspired and even brought to the Lord. You are doing the work of God in your suffering. I know its not fair, and I know its so hard. I too question, and wonder why God would take your daughter from you, and why he would make Kayleigh suffer in NICU for 10 months just to have it end the way it did...
I don't have any answers for you other this...

Someone, very deep in his faith. A man so wise and so intuned with God, you could feel it coming from him. He said God knows the future of every one of his children, and sometimes something is so bad in that child's future and God loves that child so much that he chooses to take them so that he can keep them from that pain or keep them close to him. God loved Cora so much, that he wanted her with him.
I know this doesn't help ease your pain sweetie, it wouldn't ease mine at all. Just know that you are doing a wonderful job at working for God, and you are still a wonderful mommy and I pray that you will be blessed with many wonderful things in the future because of your obediance to God...
SHAM or not, you are still a woman of God and because of that you have the best job ever!

Praying for you daily


May 7, 2009 at 3:52 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Once a mom, ALWAYS a mom...
God Bless You! You remain in my thoughts and prayers.

May 7, 2009 at 4:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

He wants you to be working that is why you have the job you are at. He wants you to work to take your mind off of the pain & the sorrow. You will start to feel a sense of normalcy in your life. It is important that you work and be doing something productive. Even if the job seems mundane, he gave you a simple job that you can handle. Our paths are laid out for us, everything happens as it is supposed to. Keep up the blogging. It's good to get your emotions out.

May 7, 2009 at 5:09 PM  
Blogger Jen Ekeland said...

I completely understand your stuggle with going to work and not doing what you REALLY want to be doing. I feel for you that way and ache when I think of Cora and the void that you and Joel must feel on a daily basis. Bless you guys!

May 7, 2009 at 5:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know you have so much faith and love of our Heavenly Father, I want you to know how much that is helping me to hug my kids a bit tighter and pray a bit stronger. Thank you so much.

Cora has other work to be doing right now. Work only she can do. And remember how beautiful it is that you and only you get to be that wonderful girls mother throughout all Eternity.

May 7, 2009 at 5:54 PM  
Blogger Cathy said...

I read your post today at work and needless to say, the waterworks were in full force. I just wanted to wish you a Happy Mother's Day. I hope that doesn't make you sad or mad, but to me, you are and always will be Cora's mother and I know that you will be blessed with more beautiful children in the future.

May 7, 2009 at 6:33 PM  
Anonymous Sarah @ said...

Once a mother, you are always a mother. Always. Right now, you may not be a mother at home, but I'm praying for you all the time and I know that when the time is right, you'll be back where you love.

And Cora will always be there with you, right in your heart, where she belongs and where she can never be taken from you. Ever.

You are such a source of inspiration for me and you are being so strong. Just keep hanging in there.

May 7, 2009 at 6:42 PM  
Blogger Falling Around said...

First of all, you have such amazing strength to be able to go back to work only two months after Cora's journey to see Jesus. I am in awe. But like Beki said, it's better for you to focus your attention on something specific for a time. Hard though, I'm sure.

Thank you for reminding me once again how blessed I am to be able to be a stay-at-home mom. I tend to lose sight of that from time to time.

My thoughts and prayers are with you as we approach Mother's Day. You may not feel like making a big deal over it, you may even want to just stay in bed, but Cora would have wanted to celebrate having you as her mother. This Mother's Day is just as much for you as it ever was... don't forget that.

Warm Hugs,
Christy Klein

May 7, 2009 at 7:15 PM  
Anonymous Courtney said...

I pray too that God will bless you again with a beautiful baby. I still nine years after Dylan's passing wonder why? Why couldn't I see all of his first moments? I'v realized that the answer to why is just not meant for us to know here on earth but someday we will be together again and I just hold on to that. I will be praying for you extra on Sunday and I know that Cora will be sending you lots of love from Heaven. Happy Mothers day and I hope you will be able to stay home again very soon.


May 7, 2009 at 7:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I pray for you daily and I know that Cora is so happy in Heaven.
Just remember you will always be Cora's mom! Happy Mother's Day to you!

May 7, 2009 at 8:07 PM  
Blogger Al's World said...

You will always be Cora's mommy, always. Someday, you will get to stay in the home she has prepared for you and play all day! I am sorry you are feeling that pain, you are such a precious person, a loving soul, that I hate that you are going through this, but you are a shining example of how we are to live our lives...for we live my faith not by sight.

Thank you for reminding me that He does love me, thank you for giving the scripture that says it all. I am facing the first mother's day without my mom, and I am not doing too well with it, so I thank you for remiding me all that God is!

May 7, 2009 at 8:39 PM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

I am praying he blesses you with more children too...more than anything!

I pray for you are still Cora's mommy whether she's here on earth or not!!

Happy Mothers Day!

May 7, 2009 at 9:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jessie: I have been following your blog ever since your daughter went into the hospital. I was referred to it from Kayleigh Freeman's site. Ever since, I have checked in on you daily to see if you have written anything.
I know this Mother's Day will be very hard for you, but you have to know that you ARE NOW a mom and will ALWAYS be a mom to Cora. She is real - her spirit is alive and she is just waiting for that joyous day for you to hold her again.
Time here on Earth seems slow, but it is like a blink of an eye compared to the time we will have with our loved ones in Eternity.

You are such an inspiring young girl; very special; a shining light on this Earth for many of us in this world. God has huge plans for you and though we never understand why things like this happen, like you say, we have to trust in His plan. We have to hold on to that promised love and comfort that He gives every day in times like this. God is all around you and holding you up each minute.

I will be praying for you this Mother's Day. You are being honored in Heaven and by so many of your blog readers - every child should be blessed with a mom like you.
I think this job is good just to keep busy and have people around to talk to. Part time is good. I do hope that more children are in God's plan for you because Cora could not have been loved more by anyone -- I can tell that you were the best mom in the world to her! You were HERS and she will ALWAYS BE YOURS.

Karen Andwan, Cincinnati, Ohio

May 7, 2009 at 9:41 PM  
Blogger The Schilling's from Cimarron said...

Hi JEss,

Just checked in to see how things are going for you..... I sighed with sadness when I read your blog! I find myself questioning why he would take her also sometimes, but thank you for bringing it all back into percpective for me through the Lord. You are such a strong and loving individual! I know you miss Cora every minute. I still am praying for peace and comfort for your hearts! You are truely an inspiration to us all about how to be a wonderful mom and person inside and out! Miss you all lots and hope to see you soon. Things are crazzzzyyy busy here tying up the end of the year.... I am looking forward to staying home for 3 months also. Love you and give everyone a hug from us!


May 7, 2009 at 10:00 PM  
Blogger Lacie and Stephen said...

A job was helpful to me when I was going through the greif of losing my daughter. I had the support of those around me. It was so hard because my only option was a job with children. For the first several weeks, I came home sobbing because I saw children doing things I would never see my daughter doing. It was very difficult, but I knew I had to face it at some point. My co-workers were so understanding and encouraging and I didn't even know them before losing my daughter! I am so glad you have found a new role in your life. It won't take your grief away, but it will help to curb your greif for short times during the week. I pray for you as your first Mother's Day without Cora approaches!

In Him,
Wichita, KS

May 7, 2009 at 10:33 PM  
Blogger carollai said...

not like you need another comment- but thanks for sharing. i can't imagine... i hear your struggles though. as being another human, struggles are rather prevalent. i hope you peace. i know it will take time. blessings...

May 7, 2009 at 10:38 PM  
Blogger Todd and Courtney said...

You are a wonderful mom and I wish you a happy happy mother's day this weekend. I can only imagine how Cora is playing on her playground in heaven, telling you Happy Mommy's Day and thanking you for being the best mom to her!

May 7, 2009 at 11:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thinking of you and breathing prayers for you and Joel.

May 7, 2009 at 11:38 PM  
Blogger Robyn said...

What a wonderful mom you ARE to Cora and any future children. In my prayers!

May 8, 2009 at 12:19 AM  
Blogger Mom2Drew said...

You don't know me, but I've been reading your blogg for the past few months (and sent a little something in the mail to you) so just so you know I'm not a weirdo:)

I just wanted to comment on something you said. I don't know what the Lord has is in store for you, so I can't say anything for certain, but I know He knows the desires of your heart, that I DO know for certain.

When we lost our daughter, I had similar emotions that you are facing. I remember not wanting to be around other kids and definitely not to see other pregnant women, but that's all I could see if that makes any sense? I just felt like everyones life was continuing but ours had just stopped and we were stuck in somekind of a time warp. Surely no one knew what we were going through.

I have 2 little boys now, perfectly healthy and thriving. I am believing for that to happen with you guys too. Right now it's probably too hard to even think of any other kids beside your cora and being that you had just about a year with her...I can't imagine that particular pain as we lost our Kendall much eariler. I remember feeling guilty when I was pregnant with our first son after her was heartbreaking. With a lot of prayer and a lot of support, we did get through it.

I know you have a wonderful support system and that's a HUGE blessing. rely on them, they don't mind. I'm also glad that you seem to be communicating and talking. I didn't for months and it was not good.

I will continue to pray for the little moments. sometimes it's all you can do to take the day, minute by minute.

I will also pray that work becomes a haven for you and that you find meaning and purpose there like you never thought you would.

God bless your family!

Heather Bauers

May 8, 2009 at 7:33 AM  
Blogger Danyele Easterhaus said...

praying for more peace and strength as you continue into this new job...why's are hard and almost never are fully answered...and you inspire me with your honesty and faithfulness and love. thank you...and praying for you to be blessed as you wish with a new "SAHM"" job in the future.

May 8, 2009 at 9:17 AM  
Blogger Amy said...

I have to say, you are the BEST mom I know... and the very BEST witness for Christ. You are an amazing woman.

And, when God blesses you with more children, you can know that they were taken GOOD care of by their wonderful big sister before they were even born.

Bless you, sweetie!

May 8, 2009 at 9:19 AM  
Blogger Tricia said...

Hello Jess,

Kendra at My Insanity is having a Magnificent Motherhood Celebration. She has asked us to give this award to one mommy blogger who has affected our own life personally. A mother that can allow us to fill in this sentence:
"This blog makes me want to be a better mother because...."
I am giving this award to you.
You have touched my life in the most profound way.
Her Mr. Linky will be up later today, and hopefully I can actually give you this award then.
If you get a chance, my blog is I have a small tribute to you there. If you can't check it out, that's okay. What matters to me is that you have touched my life.
Thank you. Thank you for just being willing to share your life, your walk with us. with me.

May 8, 2009 at 11:18 AM  
Anonymous Mandi @ It's Come To This said...

Oh, I don't have any words that would be adequate, just know that I join my prayers with so many more around the country ... still praying for you!! And I'll be saying extra prayers this weekend.

God Bless You & Joel,

May 8, 2009 at 11:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are always in my prayers.

May 8, 2009 at 12:03 PM  
Anonymous Maria said...

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I hurt for you and am blessed to be able to pray for you all the way in Williamsburg, VA!

May 8, 2009 at 12:59 PM  
Anonymous Melissa said...

You ARE still a mom and will always be and that is a beautiful thing! Thank you for sharing your story and reminding us all how precious each and everyday is.

May 8, 2009 at 1:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

From the writings of Samuel Rutherford, a godly man from the 1600's who is full of rich spiritual wisdom and insight from walking through both the sorrows of life and the joys of faith in great abundance, this is quote that I hope will bless you:
"Your children are not lost to you that are laid up in Christ's treasury in heaven. At the resurrection ye shall meet with them; there they are, sent before but not sent away. Your Lord loveth you, who (daily works in your life) to take and give, borrow and lend. They are not lost to you, they are laid up so well, as that they are coffered in heaven, where our Lord's best jewels lie."
I have 2 baby grandchildren in heaven - coffered in heaven where our Lord's best jewels lie, gone before my daughter and me, but the sorrow of our hearts is bathed in the joy of knowing that they are in the safest of keeping in the Lord's presence and each day we are one day closer to being reunited with them. Meanwhile, we do what you are doing, and face each day here seeking God to do His will trusting Him completely to do ALL things well. Daily we pray for comfort, His comfort, who only He can give. And it is sweet. I pray for you daily and see the beauty of Christ shining forth in you. And that beauty comes through the many sorrows and sufferings of this life on earth, preparing us for heaven by the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ.
As I am praying for my daughter to be blessed with another baby, I am praying for the Lord to also bless you with another!
Amidst your sorrow this Mother's Day, I pray you will have sweet joy in celebrating your motherhood, that you did with excellence, which God called you to do in being Cora's mother, in the exact time He had for her here on earth. Nothing was in vain, nor is what you are being called by God to do now in vain. He ordains each day and we must trust Him implicitly to do ALL things well in our lives.
The Lord continue to bless and comfort you!
Thanks for continuing to share your journey here.
Love from your sister in Christ

May 8, 2009 at 2:19 PM  
Blogger Townsendpartyof5 said...

You have given me such a gift today. To read your words and know how much you loved being a mom, makes me a better mom. You have made me more appreciative, more aware, more alive in the moment.... and sometimes the moments seem endless...
Thank you for sharing (again) your gift of words and wisdom with me. You and Cora continue to be a blessing in my life.
Happy Mother's Day... You are a mom... your baby lives in Heaven. You will again be a mother to an angel here on Earth.

May 8, 2009 at 3:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are amazing. God is using you to touch me. I am praying for your heartache.

May 8, 2009 at 4:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thinking of you

May 8, 2009 at 5:23 PM  
Blogger Paula Aspacher said...

You are very wise mature woman. God is holding you in his arms each minute of everyday. You make us all grow up in many ways no matter how old we are. We grow up with you through your faith and you honesty. Thank you for sharing your heart and your raw emotion.

May 8, 2009 at 5:40 PM  
Blogger  The Morris Family said...

You are are doing the "right" thing, trusting in His Person and Character and Who He is! I too have found this is the safest place of peace as I miss my little Joel.

You will forever be Cora's mommy and what a blessed little girl to have you! I am still my Joel's mommy as well!!

Stay upon Jehovah...

I read this and it is a blessing I speak over you; Even by the God of thy father, who shall help thee; and by the Almighty who shall bless thee with blessings of heaven above, blessings of the deep that lieth under, blessings of the breasts, and of the womb. (Gen. 49:25)

May it be so for you.....


May 8, 2009 at 8:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lovely Lovely Jess, you will always be sweet Cora's dear mother and so many of us are praying that you will also be mother to Cora's brothers and/or sisters. As a previous message stated, Cora's siblings will love to hear stories about her sweet little self. God bless you and Joel.

May 8, 2009 at 9:28 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

Happy Mother's Day Jessica! You will always be Cora's Mommy:) I love readig your blog and I am inspired by your faithfullness. Thank you for sharing.

May 8, 2009 at 9:28 PM  
Blogger Lori said...

thought about you so much today. i know what day today was, and just wanted you to know you're in our hearts and prayers. hugs!!!

May 8, 2009 at 10:12 PM  
Blogger Kelly @ Sufficient Grace Ministries said...

Praying for you as you continue to hope in Him...

May 9, 2009 at 8:48 AM  
Blogger Mrs. MK said...

Special Prayers for you this very very hard Mother's Day. I'm sorry and I weep with you!

May 9, 2009 at 2:31 PM  
Blogger Marlene said...

I'm thinking about you today, and especially tomorrow, Jess! God will bless your heart on mother's day in His own unique way. You are and always will be Cora's mom, and truly are such a wonderful mother.

I just want to let you know I really appreciate all you share with so many of us you don't know. Really, really - you are such a blessing. You have blessed me in ways I can't even put into writing. Thank you so much for sharing your walk with the Lord.

your sister in Christ,

May 9, 2009 at 2:38 PM  
Anonymous Nan said...

May you have a blessed Mother's Day Jess... I know it won't be a happy one in many ways. What a wonderful mother you *are*... and how blessed little Cora was to have you as hers. May God's comfort be with you tomorrow as you are celebrated by those who love you.

I pray that when the time is right, God replenishes the blessing of motherhood for you again. But until then, you are just as much a mother now as you were the day you discovered you were pregnant with Cora and the day you gave birth to her and the day you said goodbye to her... Your job is not over.

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,

3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, [a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD

May 9, 2009 at 6:47 PM  
Blogger Ethansmom08 said...

I think about you and your family all the time and I pray for you so often. You are such an amazing and strong person. You will always be Cora's mommy and I admire your words so much. Reading your blog and Cora's story has made me a better mother and a stronger Christian, thank you so much for that!

Happy Mother's Day to an amazing and beautiful mom...YOU!!!


May 9, 2009 at 7:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am glad to hear that you are working. I am sure that the devastation from your tragedy will last for years to come but I truly beleive this is a step in the right direction for you. I have been worried about you, especially when you don't post for a long time. There will always be a void in your life without Cora but some how you must find a way to move past the pain. I have no understanding of what you have been through but I feel sometimes you are consumed with greif and that really scares me. I hope you and Joel are still connecting as couple, so often people loose the romance in these types of situations. You and your family is always on my mind and have touched my heart. I think of you daily and pray for you often. Be strong and God will guide you.

All my love,
Jade, Mom of Two

May 9, 2009 at 8:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thinking about you on this Mother's Day! You should win the best mom award. You have inspired many of us to be better moms. I do not take my children for granted anymore after hearing about sweet Cora. I pray that you continue to find peace in Jesus.

May 9, 2009 at 8:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am praying for you tonight. I lift you up by the name of "Cora's Mom" to our Lord. I pray for your mother, too, as I can only imagine the pain she feels seeing you,her precious daughter, with this heartache that really is beyond words and she can't take it away. Praying God's loving arms are so very real wrapped around you.

May 9, 2009 at 9:42 PM  
Blogger Linda S said...

Tonight our church prayed for moms and said a special prayer for moms who have lost a child. I thought of you, thought of the thousands of prayers that went up to heaven this weekend for you. I hope you can feel those prayers tomorrow and every day, and that they help, even just a little.

May 9, 2009 at 11:29 PM  
Blogger Colleen said...

You are in my prayers and thoughts. Thankyou for your beautiful witness-and for shining for Him.

May 9, 2009 at 11:30 PM  
Blogger Angie said...

Happy Mother's Day! Praying for you today.

May 10, 2009 at 6:58 AM  
Anonymous Angie said...

Thinking of you today. Happy Mother's Day!

May 10, 2009 at 7:34 AM  
Anonymous savanna said...

I woke up this morning thinking of you, and I pray that today will bring its own blessings. I know it will likely be a very hard day for you. My heart aches that you can't be with Cora today. Stay strong! May I suggest a book? "The ShacK"....can't think of the author's name right now. Since reading it, I have been much more aware of the Lord being with me every moment. Also, I have heard many references lately to how God collects our tears, and they are precious to him. So, if some come today, let them flow as worship to Him. Sending you much love today-Savanna

May 10, 2009 at 7:49 AM  
Blogger Tina said...

Jessica -

I am thinking of you on Mother's Day today. I posted this poem on my blog, but I am not sure if you will see it so I thought I would post it on your commets, too. It has been comforting to me and I hope it does the same for you.

Can You Be A Mother When Your Baby Is Not With You? ~
Author - Unknown

I thought of you and closed my eyes and prayed to God today
I asked, "What makes a Mother?" And I know I heard Him say.

"A Mother has a baby" This we know is true
"But God can you be a Mother, when your baby's not with you?"

"Yes, you can," He replied with confidence in His voice
"I give many women babies, When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime, and others for the day
and some I send to feel your womb, but there's no need to stay."

"I just don't understand this God I want my baby to be here."
He took a deep breath and cleared His throat, and then I saw the tear.

"I wish I could show you, what your child is doing today.
If you could see your child's smile, with all the other children and say..."

We go to earth to learn our lessons, of love and life and fear,
my mommy loved me oh so much, I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a Mom, Who had so much love for me
I learned my lessons so quickly my mommy set me free.

I miss my mommy oh so much but I visit her every day.
When she goes to sleep, on her pillows were I lay
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek, And whisper in her ear
Mommy don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here."

"So you see my dear sweet ones, your children are okay.
Your babies are born here in my home and this is where they'll stay."
"They'll wait for you with me, until your lessons through.
And on the day that you come home they'll be at the gates for you."

So now you see what makes a Mother, It's the feeling in your heart
it's the love you had so much of - right from the very start.

May 10, 2009 at 8:21 AM  
Anonymous Angels Everywhere said...

“The most important person on earth is a mother. She cannot claim the honor of having built Notre Dame Cathedral. She need not. She has built something more magnificent than any cathedral—a dwelling for an immortal soul, the tiny perfection of her baby’s body...Even the angels have not been given such a grace! What is more glorious than this—to be a mother.”

Joseph Cardinal Mindszenty Reason

May 10, 2009 at 8:47 AM  
Blogger Trasie Bressler said...

Happy Mother's Day to one of the greatest, strongest and most amazing Mother's that God ever created.

You are in my thoughts and prayers and I pray that God will give you peace today.

Many Many Blessing!

May 10, 2009 at 8:49 AM  
Blogger Ruth said...

Happy mother's day Jess... you're one of the most incredible mothers I have ever come across. God bless your heart on this hard day.

May 10, 2009 at 9:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Have a Blessed Mother's Day..another very hard day for you. WE are all praying and hoping for you to get through the day. Cora was blessed to have YOU as her MOM and you were blessed to have CORA as your daughter..You will always be her MOM!
Thinking of you, shedding tears for you, as usual multiple times a day..
Maybe some part of your day, thinking of your Cora, will bring a smile.


May 10, 2009 at 10:22 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Thinking and praying for you today!

May 10, 2009 at 10:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

praying for you on this day and that you will be honored as a mother.

May 10, 2009 at 11:17 AM  
Blogger 3boysmom said...

I am praying for you today. Happy Mother's Day!

May 10, 2009 at 11:41 AM  
Blogger Disney Freak said...

This is my first time posting here but I have been following your blog for a bit now. I just wanted to leave a note saying Happy Mother's day.
Praying for you in Norwalk, Ohio.

May 10, 2009 at 12:20 PM  
Blogger Melody said...

Happy Mother's Day!! I hope your day is blessed and sweet! ((hugs)) Praying for you!

May 10, 2009 at 12:32 PM  
Blogger Beki - TheRustedChain said...

Happy Mother's Day, Cora's beautiful mommy!!

God bless you Jess.

May 10, 2009 at 12:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Happy Mother's Day. Cora's so proud to be your daughter - cheering from heaven for her Mom.

Love from Texas

May 10, 2009 at 1:11 PM  
Blogger Emily said...

Thinking of you today...Happy Mothers Day.xoxo

May 10, 2009 at 1:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't imagine the pain you are continuing to go through. I know that today must hurt for you. Your sweet Cora is always a part of you, especially today. It doesn't matter what we say to you, no one can feel your heart, your hurt, your longing for your child who is gone. It is ok to question God and ask him why. Jesus himself said why have you forsaken me in the last moments of his life. It isn't easy to always understand His plan for us; you may never know why he took such a beautiful life away so soon. I do know that I have found such incredible inspiration in your story. What it means to have faith, why I should live each day to the fullest, why we should never take anything for granted. I think of you often and your sweet little Cora. She is a beautiful child and heaven shines a little brighter because she is there waiting to see you again. I do hope that you will one day have a full time job right where you want it. May God continue to be a presence in your life and I hope that each day that comes is a little easier to bear for you. Live and love for Cora. God bless.

May 10, 2009 at 1:35 PM  
Blogger Ruthie said...

Hi Jess,

I read this post the other day when it went up, but today is "the day," and I've been thinking of you and will be praying for you as soon as I submit this comment. I am so sorry for the pain of Cora being gone from your arms, and I'm going to be praying that the Lord really loves on you today with his gentlness and grace to help ease the ache a bit.

You are, and always will be, a Mom!!! Cora will always be your daughter, right? That will never end, and so you will never stop being her mom. I know you don't get to "mother" her the same way with her in heaven, but you are her Mommy, regardless!

I love and am proud of all six of my children, and only two of them live with me, the other four went to heaven through miscarriage. I know the ache of wanting to hold your child and know they are okay, etc... I'm praying so much for peace today for you.

Happy Mother's Day. I pray it is filled with sweet memories of Cora and hope for the future too! I'm sending you a huge hug from a fellow Mama and a lot of love too.


May 10, 2009 at 2:06 PM  
Anonymous Rebecca said...

Thinking of you and praying for you today. Happy Mother's Day.

May 10, 2009 at 2:28 PM  
Blogger Amber said...

Just want you to know I'm thinking of you today, what a difficult day this must be for you. I hope you can find some joy in the sweet memory of Cora. Celebrate your own mother today, and smile knowing Cora is in heaven and you'll see her again someday.

May 10, 2009 at 3:10 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Today is Mothers Day and I imagine it is a hard one for you. I hope you find some peace, still praying for you. You are your family are always in my heart. With love and hugs....

May 10, 2009 at 3:14 PM  
Anonymous Cindy said...

Thinking of you today. Happy Mother's Day, many hugs sent to you today.

May 10, 2009 at 4:22 PM  
Blogger rachel vaughn said...

Praying for you especially today.

May 10, 2009 at 5:44 PM  
Anonymous Courtney said...

Happy Mother's Day! I hope you have a blessed day. God bless you and your family.

May 10, 2009 at 5:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know today must be an especially difficult day. Today at church our pastor said a special prayers for those mothers whose children have gone to be with Jesus. I immediately thought of you as I prayed and lifted you up to the Lord. I pray that God blesses you with more children when you are ready. You are and will always be Cora's mother. You are such an inspiration.

Love, Ashley

May 10, 2009 at 8:06 PM  
Blogger Shelly Primm said...

Thinking of you today and hoping that you are feeling the prayers sent your way. God bless you.

May 10, 2009 at 8:09 PM  
Anonymous Sue said...

Thinking of you on Mother's Day. I am crushed that Cora is not with you today. You are a beautiful example of a loving, faithful, godly mother. I'm praying that God blesses you with more children soon so you can get back to your very favorite job. Much love to you today.

May 10, 2009 at 8:19 PM  
Blogger aimee said...

Hi Jess, it's been a while since I posted a comment but I especially wanted you to know that there is another mom today who is thinking of you. I pray for your family regularly, and I am praying extra for you today, as I expect it must be a very tough day.

I want you to know that you will always be a mommy, because death cannot change that you carried Cora in your body and cared and protected her during her sweet short time on earth. I just wish she could be with you.


May 10, 2009 at 9:53 PM  
Blogger Brian and Staci said...

I can just see the sparkle in your eye in all your pictures with Cora. I don't even know you...yet I find myself wondering how you are daily?? Crazy huh!? I sent up extra prayers for you on Mother's Day. I'm praying you will once again get to be a Mommy and enjoy your favorite job.

May 10, 2009 at 9:56 PM  
Blogger Instant Family of 4 said...

I just wanted to let you know that God is using you in ways no one ever would have imagined (as if you didn't already know that). I needed to read this post today. I myself have been struggling with God's will in my life lately and if you can do it in these awful circumstances I can do it too. We pray for you and your family daily and couldn't be more broken by your story.

May 10, 2009 at 10:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You don't know me, but I pray for you. Oh, how I pray for you!

May 11, 2009 at 3:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't even begin to know, understand, comprehend or feel your pain but, my heart aches for you. I love how you are able to process your honest, so pure....God bless you for your growing are an inspiration. Thank you

May 11, 2009 at 7:28 PM  
Blogger Lipstick said...

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with all of us. It is truly a privledge to read.

May 11, 2009 at 10:22 PM  
Blogger Clare Therese said...

I love the way you write. I can truely understand what you're saying, like I'm standing there talking with you one-on-one. I feel your emotion and the realness of it all. Your words flow, easy to understand and putting us, your readers, right there with you in the moment. You could even do childrens' books. I think you'd be great at it! It would give you a chance to work through the sorrow rather than against it. I know nothing compares to being a mother. It's the best and hardest job in the world but I wouldn't trade it for anything just as I know you wouldn't. You'll ALWAYS be Cora's Mommy, and she will ALWAYS be your daughter. NOTHING can ever change that!

I hope you find what's right for you and what brings you the most happiness.


May 12, 2009 at 2:52 PM  
Anonymous Allison said...

You are so amazing and such a mother too many. You have such a beautiful spirit. I want you to know that I think of you and your family a lot. Many blessings to you! HUGS :)

May 14, 2009 at 1:28 PM  

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