The Macs

Monday, September 19, 2011

everything is about to change...

This week things are going to be changing around here.

I have been spending as much time with this little man as I can...and cleaning and getting ready for Baby Brother in my spare minutes. While I can hardly wait to see Levi and his brother TOGETHER, my heart is aching a little at the thought of not being able to give Levi my undivided attention. Baby Brother will be my third child, but I have never been mama to more than one child at a time here on earth. Cora had me to herself and Levi has had me to himself until now. I know it will be such a good thing and we will adjust. I know I will love being mama to two boys. But it is a change.

I never used to struggle with change like I do now. I think I have told you before that I moved around my whole growing up. My life was constantly full of new places, new houses, new schools and new friends. While every move was hard, I grew to embrace change in many ways. And I learned to see how good change was for me because it forced me to rely not on my surroundings, but on the One who never changes...Jesus.

When Cora died I faced a new kind of change. A change that was painful. A change that would change my family forever. A change that would change me forever. And ever since then I have struggled with change. I think the hardest thing is that I know with each new change {good or bad} it means we are moving on again without Cora. My family is about to change in an awesome way...a new precious life...but that means my family is changing again without Cora. And that is hard for me. I long for her to be a part of these changes too.

As my growing family is about to change, I am thankful for the One who never changes. I am thankful for God's truth that is an anchor in my life even when I am feeling emotional and uncertain about the future. I don't quite know what to expect with this new sweet baby, but I am confident that I can trust Him to be faithful no matter what the upcoming days look like. Although I hate facing change, I am learning that change is often the window through which God shows his faithfulness in my life.

This week I have been thinking on this:

Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."

Lamentations 3:21-24

We taste God's faithfulness when we begin to trust him with our tomorrows and then watch to see what he does. Every morning presents us with an opportunity to experience a brand new creation, beyond the unique design of the day itself, unlike any other in history. Jeremiah learned to greet each day with an assurance that the Lord was his "portion"--that God is the one solid, unmovable, reliable part of any day. No one else delivers like he does.
- Chip Ingram

So, here we go...it is time for a change.

40 Comments:

Blogger The Moffats said...

Praying, sweet friend. Cora will forever be in our hearts and never far from our thoughts. Can't wait to see this new little one... your 3rd precious miracle.

September 19, 2011 at 10:52 PM  
Blogger Bethany said...

You're in my prayers, Jess! Hoping tomorrow goes well. You'll do well, and I'm sure Levi (sharing momma with baby brother) will, too!

September 19, 2011 at 11:00 PM  
Blogger Davene Grace said...

Oh my! This post brings back such vivid memories of how I was feeling right before our second son was born. As silly as it sounds (and believe me, I felt ridiculous), I almost had to go through a little time of mourning that the stage of just-Mommy-and-Josiah was ending. Of course, God eased me through the transition; and it didn't take long until I couldn't imagine our family without our second son. But I, too, clung to those final moments and days of being a mommy to just one.

Thank you so much for the way you share your heart in such an open, uplifting way. You are an inspiration to many!

September 19, 2011 at 11:03 PM  
Blogger Mindy Harris said...

so excited for you guys and u r precious to me. thank you for sharing your heart.

September 19, 2011 at 11:04 PM  
Blogger Nirupama said...

thank you for sharing your heart with us! It is a big change having to take care of two babies at once, and, for me to be honest, it comes with lots of mixed emotions. I love seeing them together, but I feel guilty lots about ignoring one or the other. Good luck and God bless. Having a new newborn is so precious!

September 19, 2011 at 11:41 PM  
Blogger Amanda said...

This is a beautiful post! Thank you for being so transparent and real. Praying for you this week!

September 20, 2011 at 12:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I felt the same way when my second son was born...like I "missed" my first son. And then people would take him to help me out and I would be sad b/c I didn't want him to be away from me! Good thing the emotional beginning goes away! :) Now we are about to celebrate my second son's first birthday. I love the relationship between these two, and am so glad they have each other! :) May God give you the grace you need during this change! ~Kristina

September 20, 2011 at 12:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Like others, I felt the same way when I was about to have baby #2. My kids are all 2 years or less apart, and my first 2 are 21 months apart, and I was so sad to think of my time ending with just my oldest. But as soon as my daughter was born, it was fine. My son acted as if the baby was always there; he actually woke up each morning and signed "baby" as soon as I got him :). And my mom reminded me of all the love the next baby gets from the older one(s). My babies (4 now) have always thought their older siblings were the best things ever.
And I am so sorry about the loss of your sweet Cora. She will always be a part of your family, and you are moving on with her, just in a different way...
I think your blog is lovely :). I'm a mom of 4 up in Alaska, so quite a bit different from where you are! I LOVE your decorating/crafting, and was so excited to see your post on ohdeedoh, one of my favorite sites. Blessings to you this week

September 20, 2011 at 12:50 AM  
Blogger Erin said...

So excited for you! Come on Baby Brother! (I still suggest Boaz or Cort, just in case you're still not sure of a name.)

I have two boys, and it is so much fun!

September 20, 2011 at 1:40 AM  
Blogger Mum2twopreciousgifts said...

I went to take the package to the post office today. And in my haste to leave the house with two children in tow, I left the package at home!!!! Can you imagine how silly that felt when I was standing at the post office with nothing to post??? So Baby Brother will win the arrival race. Hooray for him.

I will be praying, praying, praying, praying for you all on Tuesday.

God Bless you and your family Jess.

Michelle from Australia xxxx

September 20, 2011 at 1:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The wonderful thing about having another child join your family is that you won't have to divide your love, it naturally multiplies with each child you have. You have such a sweet family! You can rest knowing that you have an angel watching over you all. Good luck with your new addition!

September 20, 2011 at 2:08 AM  
Blogger TimandCeri said...

I do not like change. So I totally understand your emotions. Although I have not yet moved on to baby number two I hope to one day, and then at the same time I think about all the things that will never be the same. It was the same way right before I gave birth to my son. I remember laying on our bed with my husband just holding him and sobbing because it was never going to be just us anymore. Not that it was a bad thing just a different thing. Oh from what I hear be prepared to be how shocked and grown up he is all the sudden. It happened to every one of my friends. :) I'll be praying for you!

September 20, 2011 at 2:09 AM  
Blogger Anne588 said...

You are in my prayers and one thing I know is that God will make it all ok. Maybe there are struggles in the beginning but they are worth it. And Levi will certainly love bis baby brother. His brother will be the best gift you ever gave him:)

September 20, 2011 at 5:55 AM  
Blogger amber said...

The verses from Lamentations have been a huge comfort to me too over the past years. Thanks for the reminder. Praying for your changes!

September 20, 2011 at 5:58 AM  
Blogger Natasha said...

What a beautiful post......change is so hard and it's even harder after losing a child. Every change feels more and more like you are leaving them behind. I'll be praying for you all as you welcome Baby Brother this week. I can't wait to see him and hear his name!

September 20, 2011 at 6:20 AM  
Blogger Shannon said...

Good luck! Raising two boys will be an exciting adventure!!

Just keep breathing!! And remember to be kind to yourself!

September 20, 2011 at 6:56 AM  
Blogger Beth Norman said...

Can you share this with your readers please? Mother with a week old baby and a 4 yr old suffers brain bleed. In ICU. Urgent prayers needed! Thanks so much! https://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=253571274681255

September 20, 2011 at 6:57 AM  
Anonymous Carla said...

Such a beautiful post. I thought I could sense in your posts the last few weeks that you felt the same twinge of regret at no longer having all your time for Levi as I felt just before my little boy (my No. 2) came along. But as you know already, when you see Levi with his new little brother for the first time, or the first time you see Little Brother gazing adoringly at Levi or giggling at each other's tricks, you will know that what Levi looses this week in your time he will gain immeasurably and forever, in having a little brother. Before long, you will feel ganged up on lol and they will play together in ways that much as we try, adults just don't do. I hope i'm making sense, a little sadness is so understandable and in your case, its always even moreso but these two together, with big sissy looking down on them from above, are going to be quite the unstoppable duo. Thinking of you and very much look forward to the update xx

September 20, 2011 at 7:02 AM  
Anonymous This Farm Family's Life said...

I felt the same way! My daughter was 2.5 when I had my second and I suffered from some huge mommy guilt, but now I ask her if she remembers what it was like before Mel. She says she doesn't and she thinks we bought her at the store!;o) Best of luck to you. Can't wait to "meet" the little guy.

September 20, 2011 at 7:07 AM  
Blogger Krystal said...

Praying for you at this time! Exciting, but unsure! God is good all the time and he is always with us!

September 20, 2011 at 7:58 AM  
Blogger Rachel said...

Continuing to lift you all up in prayer! Can't wait to see the new baby and to see big brother in his new role :-)

September 20, 2011 at 7:59 AM  
Blogger Meggie said...

Praying for you as you face this change and transition with your family! I'm going through a change/adjustment period myself now that I'm mama to 2 boys. I keep worrying about my oldest and hoping and praying that he's okay with everything, especially me taking care of his baby brother. Thankfully it seems I'm the one needing time to adjust instead of him!

September 20, 2011 at 8:08 AM  
Anonymous meg duerksen said...

praying for you TODAY!!!!! :)
you can write out your feelings so well.
i love that.

September 20, 2011 at 8:22 AM  
Anonymous EricaG said...

Thank you for your words today. my husband and children and I moved over 1000 miles from our family about 6 weeks ago. I am learning to rely on Jesus for the stability that life can never provide. I wrote about the things that do not change, namely God's love: http://warmaspie.wordpress.com/2011/09/01/finding-normal/

September 20, 2011 at 8:32 AM  
Blogger McKenzie said...

Thank you for this post, Jess, as this is how I am feeling right now with our upcoming 2nd boy on his way. My husband had been gone several nights the past few weeks and my son as learned "Just you and me today, Mommy?" It breaks my heart that the time of just him and I is coming to a close, but he is excited about his baby brother and helping his Momma with him (he is about to turn 3) It has just been him and I for so long! Good luck to you and prayers for your family as always!

September 20, 2011 at 8:38 AM  
Blogger Cristin said...

Prayers for you all. Just keep having faith that God will provide all the strength you need. :-)

September 20, 2011 at 8:47 AM  
Blogger My name is Amee said...

Change is hard!!!!
I had the same feelings as you years ago...my boys are 2 1/2 yrs apart. I PROMISE it will happen so naturally you will get to a point that it's hard for you to imagine when you didn't have two boys. :)
My heart aches for your Cora. I'm so sorry she's not hear to be with y'all. I know she's watching down & smiling. :)
((hugs)) to you! Good luck in the delivery room too! I'll be praying everything goes smooth...well as smooth as it can go! lol
God Bless Y'all.....

September 20, 2011 at 9:04 AM  
Blogger Selena said...

Bless your heart, Jess. I can't, in any possible way, understand your heartache. And I am so sorry for the continual ache for your sweet Cora... and I so admire your courage and faith as you carry on. I hope in the coming days that God's constant will be very clear in each new step as the mom of two earthly children and one heavenly child. You are going to do a great job. All three of your babies are gifts from God and He chose YOU to be their mama... long before they were thought of... isn't that beautiful? I remember the waiting for our 2nd little boy. My biggest fear was "can I do this and can I do it well?" Mine are still thriving, and through the strength of God, life has continued to move full-speed ahead. Our boys are 23 months apart... now 3 and 16 mos. Beautifully busy. Keep your chin up with your eyes on Him who is never changing. :) I am excited to meet him and to see Levi love on him. Our oldest was soooo sweet with the new baby!! My labor and delivery was a breeze and I hope yours is, too. Much love to you and your family... thank you for allowing us to be a part of your life and esp for sharing our Lord. He loves you so... may He bless your heart with peace that surpasses all understanding in the days and weeks to come. I hope you will "see" Him today and that He will cause you to smile!

September 20, 2011 at 9:33 AM  
Blogger I'M MEG! said...

Jess, as I clicked on the link for your blog in my favorites, I was so humbled to see and read exactly what I needed to hear today, and in the coming weeks as I, too, am faced with handling change (though of a different sort). Thank you for your sweet message. Your family is in my prayers as you prepare to welcome Little Brother to the family! xo

September 20, 2011 at 10:21 AM  
Blogger I'M MEG! said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

September 20, 2011 at 10:21 AM  
Anonymous Shawn said...

I know exactly how you feel, Jess, about the sadness of not being able to give Levi your undivided attention. My daughter came along when my son was just 13 months old. I cried a river over not being able to have enough time, thinking that Chase was going to be short-changed somehow. How awesome it has been to look over these last 13 years since my daughter arrived and be able to say, with my WHOLE heart, that Jesus knows the exact best time for sibling spacing. And something amazing will happen--you will soon never imagine it any other way! You are a doting momma. It makes sense that there is a little ache there. I so enjoy reading about your mothering experiences. My heart is with you as you welcome a new child and remember the one who is waiting for you in heaven. Much love to you during the transition, Shawn

September 20, 2011 at 11:24 AM  
Blogger Melissa Joy said...

This is beautiful, Jess. Gave me chills. Thank you for sharing your heart with us in the midst of your changes!
While I am mother to nine, I too have never been mother-on-earth to more than one. As I close in now on having two boys in my home, too (God willing), your thoughts and encouragements really hit home for me. So thank you.
Your timing, thanks to our great God, is impeccable.

September 20, 2011 at 11:34 AM  
Blogger The Drama Mama said...

Praying for you, sweet girl! You have been an amazing mama to three beautiful children and you are right, HE never changes! Prayers & HUGS!!

September 20, 2011 at 12:10 PM  
Anonymous January Britt said...

So excited for you and this new adventure. Knowing your heart is torn and memories of sweet Cora are raw! She will have another precious soul to angel over! Can't wait to hear about that precious, God sent baby Boy!

September 20, 2011 at 12:24 PM  
Blogger erin reeves said...

You should read "Heaven Is For Real". It is a 3 year old true store of heaven and back. It gives you a real peace and comfort! It might help you think of things as not moving on without her but moving closer to seeing her again!!

September 20, 2011 at 12:30 PM  
Blogger The Ekeland's said...

Praying for you today Jess! You will be an awesome momma to both of your sweet boys! I really struggled too with the thought of adjusting to two and not having as much time with just Julia...but you already knew that! :-)

September 20, 2011 at 12:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We just bought our little boy those same Puma shoes!! So cute :)
Praying for you!

September 20, 2011 at 1:13 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

praying, praying, praying....for you, your babies, your heart.

I remember having those same feelings of guilt about sharing one mama. know what's awesome? Levi will soon never remember having you all to himself. he will do GREAT as a big brother! And you will do great being a mother to all three of your babies.

blessings from Michigan,

Beth

September 20, 2011 at 2:06 PM  
Blogger Kelly Ford said...

Thank you so much for your honesty and willingness to share in this journey. I know it must be such a mixed bag for you... hating that life must go on w/o Cora and being so excited for the blessing God continues to give. I cant begin to imagine. But i'm praying for you and Joel and Little Levi as you prepare your hearts to welcome this precious baby into your lives and hearts!
EXCITING times, friend!

September 20, 2011 at 7:51 PM  
Blogger ss fashion world said...

so cute :) and congratulation for giving a birth ;)
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October 2, 2011 at 9:49 AM  

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