a little messy
Sorry about my absence.
Do you ever have weeks where everything feels like a mess?
That has been my week.
My house has been a mess.
My emotions have been a mess.
My spiritual life has been a little messy.
Levi has had a few days where he has been a mess.
And the Cora's for Calla fundraiser...
well, it had turned into a mess.
It turns out that my little Levi DOES cry. I know, it is hard to believe. Earlier this week he spent lots of time trying out his lungs. He found out he can scream pretty loud. I think the poor guy has had some belly aches. And maybe a growth spurt. It is hard to know. But every time I started to get frustrated or tired, I just squeezed him a little tighter. I reminded myself of how blessed I am to be able to hold him at all, even if he is screaming. Although sometimes even my exhaustion overtakes my common sense. Thankfully Joel is around to keep me level headed. Oh, and the past few days have been much better. And Levi has started smiling at us all the time (when he is not screaming of course). And cooing too. It is SO sweet.
I have been struggling. Struggling to find time to spend in the Word with little Levi around. Things are all of a sudden busy again--life has changed, again. And just like so many times before, I am having a hard time keeping my priorities straight. I remember going through this same thing after Cora was born. But this time I feel the absence so much more. My time with the Lord has been so sweet since we lost Cora. He has been my friend, guide, comforter, and so much more. I needed Him desperately to get through each day. And I still do. I have never longed for time with the Lord like I do now. I miss Him. I can tell a difference in my day and emotions and attitues when I haven't taken time out to talk to Him. Everything else starts feeling like a mess. And I don't want to keep moving forward like this. I am making it a priority from here on to set aside time each day for the Lord. At least I am praying that this would be my priority. My time with the Lord may look a little different now, than what it did before Levi was born. And that is okay. But I still need it. Not just a few passing seconds, but quality time. As my life becomes busy again with being a mom, I don't want to be so distracted by other things that I miss out on what is most important. I need to be solid in my relationship with the Lord so that I can be the best wife for Joel and the best mama for Levi. I need Him.
I was getting so frustrated with the Cora's for Calla thing. I have been praying that the Lord would work in this "mess" and that I would be able to continue to love my friend through this fundraiser. Every idea I had or someone else suggested seemed to lead to a closed door. I thought I had everything cleared up with PayPal and then I got another e-mail saying that my account had been restricted again. Really?? I called, sent in more information, wrote several e-mails and then finally resolved the problem yesterday. I found out that they WILL allow me to accept donations as long as it is just a donation, no strings attached. NO RAFFLES. Apparently they are illegal, so I wouldn't suggest hosting one on your blog. And auctions are okay too. So here is the plan for Cora's for Calla...
I am going to try a combination of giveaways and auctions. I will also be putting up the donations button again. This time we will just be taking donations from anyone who feels led to give, any amount. Even a few dollars, when added up with everyone else, goes a long way. The giveaways WILL NOT be tied to a donation. Although if you want to give and enter the giveaway that would be awesome...but you don't have to. Anyone can enter the giveaways. All I ask is that you would pray for Calla and her family and maybe even hop over to their blog and encourage them. The giveaways will be smaller and more frequent. And then every once in a while I will auction something off too, with the item going to the highest bidder. Believe me, I have looked into a lot of things, and this just seemed like the least time consuming and best way to finish off Cora's for Calla. I have okayed everything with PayPal, so I think we are good. I know this is different than the original plan, so if you donated an item for Cora's for Calla and have a problem with what I am doing, please e-mail me. Otherwise, Cora's for Calla will resume tomorrow. Yeah! I am so relieved and excited to have this all figured out. I can't wait to see the Lord continue to work through this fundraiser. I am praying that this will be a huge blessing to the Johnsons.
I know that a lot of you think that I have it all together. I don't. My life is...well...a mess sometimes. But I am so thankful that my God can still use the messes in my life to accomplish His purposes. All that He asks is that I draw near to Him and He promises to draw near to me (James 4:8). I am so thankful for the hope and grace we find in Jesus. I am thankful that I don't have to live in fear of failure because of all of my messes.
Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to Me. Get away with Me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with Me and work with Me--watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with Me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly.
I read this translation of Matthew at my Bible study a few days ago. I just love it! See you all tomorrow!