The Macs

Monday, September 27, 2010

fall + change

It is definitely beginning to look like fall around here.
















After this weekend it is finally feeling like fall outside...and around my house. 
We have been picking pumpkins out of our little pumpkin patch, 
putting on sweatshirts for a morning walk, 
watching football with daddy,
enjoying the wild sunflowers along the dirt roads, 
pulling out blankets for an afternoon nap, 
planting mums and putting pumpkins on the porch, 
and scattering pumpkins all around our house. 
{We have a lot of pumpkins.} 
I love fall. 
What a welcome change that is so needed and so refreshing.

And although I need change in my life, 
I am finding that change has become so hard for me. 
It never used to be. 
I grew up in a world that was full of change. 
My family moved every two or three years it seemed. 
And although it was sometimes hard, I was really okay with that.
Change never bothered me much.
And sometimes I even yearned for a little change in my life. 
But, ever since Cora died change has all of a sudden become hard. 
Change means moving forward without someone I love. 
And even though this is not our first fall without Cora, 
it means she is getting further and further away. 
It means that we are experiencing the fun of fall 
without a member of our family. 
Change also can mean closing the door 
on a place or time in life that Cora was a part of. 
It feels like you are having to let go of another piece of her. 
I want to resist change and hold on so tightly 
because it feels like that is all that I have left of my little girl. 
Change means I feel like I need to grieve again.

But, change is inevitable, right? 
Change is part of our everyday.
And if change means I am drawing closer to God
and becoming more like Him,
it can be SO good. 
I can kick and scream and feel sorry for myself, 
or I can embrace change as being 
part of God's loving plan for my life. 

As I was thinking about fall and changes that are happening around me 
I was reminded of how our God never changes. 
Isn't that a relief to you? 
It is to me. 
Seasons change, 
people change, 
our circumstances change, 
but there is one person we can rely on to never change...Jesus. 
His character and His deep love for us will never change or fade away. 
That is something that I can rest in today as we leap into the fall season.

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.
Hebrews 13:8

* * * * * * * * * * *

How are you getting ready for fall around your house?

Do you resist change or welcome it?

37 Comments:

Blogger Melissa at Perry Jayne said...

I do love Fall. Definitely my favorite season. But I resist change too. Trying hard to hold onto my unchanging God and hold the things and places in my life in an open hand no matter how badly I want to close my fist around them and resist the changes.
Continuing to pray for you and your family for God's love and grace to be your strength.

September 27, 2010 at 12:54 PM  
Blogger Just the Two of US said...

I'm loving fall too! We decorated our house this weekend with fall theme! Your little boy is adorable!!!!!!

Praying for you as your face change in your own way!

September 27, 2010 at 1:02 PM  
Anonymous Jenae {I Can Teach My Child} said...

Beautiful! You are such an inspiration to me!

I have such a hard time with change...

But am so comforted by the fact that God is always the same.

September 27, 2010 at 1:06 PM  
Blogger Our Life :) said...

I have always feared change, it reminds me that we as humans really have no control over anything in our lives. But what is great is that we do know that God has control over Everything! Thank you for reminding me that God never changes and is always in control! Thinking and praying for you :)
And by the way, Levi is PRECIOUS!

September 27, 2010 at 1:15 PM  
Blogger Heather at Blessed Little Nest said...

i know just what you mean, about resisting change but agreeing to embrace Jesus to help you through it. today is the 3rd anniversary of my son going to live with Jesus and i'm embracing him just as tightly as i did that first fall. i was going to wait to pull out the fall decor, but after reading your post i think i need to embrace the day and the season the same way. it's so helpful to be able to read about someone that's experiencing things that you understand, especially when so few others do. thank you for sharing your journey. it helps me. xoxo-heather

September 27, 2010 at 1:29 PM  
Blogger The Schilling's from Cimarron said...

Jess,

I love fall too! I haven't had a chance to get any of my fall things out, but I love the colors and feel of "fall"... I too often think of little Miss Cora... We have your family picture right next to the fridge.... She always makes me SMILE.... and Jaylee loves pointing to her and Levi's pictures too! We pray for continued peace and love in your hearts.....

Change is hard for me in some ways and refreshing in others. But as I look back at times past, it reminds of an awesome God and lessons learned. I too wish that time could stand still at many times. Like when I am holding my babies, or just cuddling on the couch with Jason.

Thank you for sharing your feelings of honesty and truth. You are ALWAYS an inspiration to me!

love you always!

AMIE

September 27, 2010 at 1:38 PM  
Blogger purejoy said...

beautiful photos… and i know what you mean about change.
fall is good. i'm so glad to be seeing the end to these blisteringly hot days… so exhausting. but the thought of "falling" my house makes me weary. i'm not a big decorator anyway… need more inspiration in my life, i think.
love, love LOVE what you said about Jesus. The same yesterday, today and tomorrow. how awesome is that!!?
change can be exciting… hope your fall is wonderfully exciting.

September 27, 2010 at 1:59 PM  
Blogger Jody said...

I love the fall...pumpkins, chili, my birthday, hoodies, falling leaves. But what I love best about fall is I feel closest to my dad then. Ohio State football was a huge part of our entire family and we all spent many Saturdays gathered around our living room tv. It is also a good distraction from the upcoming anniversary of my dad's sudden passing (a volunteer firefighter, he collapsed while fighting a barn fire on 12/13/99). The only regret I have this year is that my pumpkins in my first garden didn't grow. I planted Connecticut Field Pumpkins and Jack-Be-Littles...and got nothing, not even a bloom :(

September 27, 2010 at 2:09 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Southern said...

I'm loving all of your pumpkins and you've given me some great ideas for Fall too! Thank you for the simple reminder that we all need to learn to accept change even when we don't want to but to remember that God's love for us never changes. Praying for you in the season as change happens for you.

September 27, 2010 at 3:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You don't know how much I needed to hear these words today. Thank you for the reminder that God never changes :)
-ashley

September 27, 2010 at 3:29 PM  
Blogger merlin said...

I love fall because it is when I can dream of spring while planting bulbs. Fall, for me is the season of promise: Promise(s) fulfilled , the harvest from the land and Promise of what is to come laying dormant in the soil ready to burst into life come spring.

And I admit I hate change, hate it and I marrried someone who helps organizations deal with change, I am surrounded by books on change....God has a sense of humor.

Not until reading your post did I ever wonder why I hate change and question its source. Your insight and sharing is providing a major breakthrough for me because I am reminded that I too used to love change. Maybe now I won't have to fear and hate change so much with my new understanding of why I feel the way I do.
Thank you for blessing me with your courage to share.

September 27, 2010 at 3:54 PM  
Blogger Tricia said...

I just started reading Max Lucado's "Traveling Light" today, and one of the first things that he touched on is the fact that God is unchanging. The one constant in a world of change, God never does. He is the same now that he was on the day of creation. A comfort indeed, in times of struggle.

Thank you for continuing to share your heart, and your sweet family, Jess. That Levi has the most wonderful smile!

xo*tricia

September 27, 2010 at 4:50 PM  
Blogger Stef said...

Wow. This post pulled at me in places I didn't know it would.
Change for me is mostly good. I don't like when my kids pass up a baby milestone and become bigger kids. I have a really hard time with it. I have some friends that get annoyed with me and say things like "be thankful your kids are healthy and quite being sad that they're growing up!" - I AM thankful my kids are healthy... very thankful. But I get so sad at how quickly these days are passing by.
I read this post and remembered how I felt after my Grandpa & Uncle died. They died in the same week... my Grandpa died a month after he had a stroke. He was in his 70's and even though he was at a time in life where dying was almost expected... it was so hard. Two days after we buried Grandpa, we got a call that my Mom's brother had killed himself.
I just remember that year being SO hard. I remember wishing things would just stop changing and especially the difficult changes. I hated them.
But, its the year God saved me. Its the year He showed me that HE never changes and yet He changes me moment by moment, day by day. He's working on me and molding me in such a way that I began to hope and pray my change would literally take place each minute of every day.
And yet, I remember feeling angry at how quickly we all seemed to adjust to our family members passing. Even my Uncle, who's death came as a total shock.
I remember feeling sad about how quickly we humans just adapt to change and move on.
I still miss them. Holidays have certainly never been the same.
So for you, I imagine its much more than holidays. Its the every day moments. This is why I still try to remember to pray for you often. I am so glad Jesus holds you up during those times, Jess. I'm so glad He shows His love and mercy to you, when you're feeling complete defeat.
Levi's smile is totally captivating. When I see his pictures I often wonder if that smiles helps wipe away the tears that stream down your face. I think its beautiful the way God reveals His goodness to us - even in the deepest of sorrow.

September 27, 2010 at 5:09 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

Beautiful post! Beautiful pictures!

September 27, 2010 at 5:34 PM  
Blogger danielle said...

i have been reading your blog since your sweet cora went to be with jesus,. i know i have commented before, but not recently. i think of you and your family so often. i watched the video of cora's funeral you posted a while back and every single time blessed be the name of the lord comes on in my car, or we sing it at church i think of you. i pray for you and for god's comfort and grace to be so real to you every single day. thank you for making your story known.... and even more, for making HIS story known.

September 27, 2010 at 7:13 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Your posts still bring tears to my eyes. I love the way you put your thoughts into words. I can tell things have been a little hard lately - still thinking about you and pray for you and your family.

September 27, 2010 at 8:18 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

Jess...Do you watch Greys Anatomy? Well...I know there are things about it that aren't the greatest..BUT last week at the very end they had this little "reading" on change. It was so insightful and deep for this show. I think you could probably get online and read it somewhere. It was the season premiere show.

I HATE change and have a real hard time with it...I LOVE fall as well and I love those big orange pumpkins on your blog.

September 27, 2010 at 8:27 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

Jess...Do you watch Greys Anatomy? Well...I know there are things about it that aren't the greatest..BUT last week at the very end they had this little "reading" on change. It was so insightful and deep for this show. I think you could probably get online and read it somewhere. It was the season premiere show.

I HATE change and have a real hard time with it...I LOVE fall as well and I love those big orange pumpkins on your blog.

September 27, 2010 at 8:28 PM  
Blogger The Sieberts said...

i love this post Jess. Hugs :o)

September 27, 2010 at 8:40 PM  
Blogger Candice said...

I can see how change would be very difficult. You don't want to move on with out your precious girl. I don't really know what to say. The only thing I can think of is that as time passes, you are farther from her here on earth, but closer to seeing her in heaven. Much love to you and yours!

September 27, 2010 at 9:11 PM  
Anonymous Jessica said...

Jess, I love your blog. My name is Jessica too! You are SO good at putting into words how it feels to have lost a child. (even though I know you could never really put that pain into words completely!) I haven't lost a child, and I can only imagine, but you put it into words so well.....I cried when I read this post....I am still SO very sorry for your loss of sweet little Cora. I have cried and cried, and hugged my own children a little tighter, after reading Cora's story. Thank you for sharing it. I hope you know that no one who knows you could EVER look at you and not think of you as Cora's mom, always. :)

September 27, 2010 at 10:24 PM  
Anonymous Jessica said...

Jess, I love your blog. My name is Jessica too! You are SO good at putting into words how it feels to have lost a child. (even though I know you could never really put that pain into words completely!) I haven't lost a child, and I can only imagine, but you put it into words so well.....I cried when I read this post....I am still SO very sorry for your loss of sweet little Cora. I have cried and cried, and hugged my own children a little tighter, after reading Cora's story. Thank you for sharing it. I hope you know that no one who knows you could EVER look at you and not think of you as Cora's mom, always. :)

September 27, 2010 at 10:26 PM  
Blogger Allen and Debby Graber said...

Sophie came over today and helped me bring out all the fall decorations! And I love that He doesn't change. Resting in Him. Thanks Jess!

September 27, 2010 at 10:39 PM  
Blogger Sue said...

I remember feeling like this after my husband passed away - I felt like he was a little satellite drifting off into space, getting further and further away from me. 6+ years down the line and I now look at it differently. Each day that passes brings us closer to being together again. I love life and I'm very happy with all that I'm blessed with, but it's good to know that we'll all be together again at the end of this life. Another thought that managed to get me through some difficult days - life is an instant against all eternity together...

Stay strong,
Sue X

September 28, 2010 at 3:45 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

Hugs to you! I love that gray pumpkin! Did you grow that???

Enjoy Levi and bask in the assurance that you will spend eternity loving on sweet Cora!!

September 28, 2010 at 8:40 AM  
Blogger Lauren said...

This was so beautiful!!!!! And the pictures are beautiful as well… Change is never fun but a necessity!! Thinking of you!!!

September 28, 2010 at 9:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I check your blog regularly and my heart hurts for you and I pray for you often. Your words, "It means she is getting further and further away" made me cry, and I can't imagine how you must ache and long for your baby girl here on earth. But I did think how with the hope of Jesus, each day that passes here on earth, we get closer and closer to Him and to heaven...and you to your sweet, sweet, Cora.

JoAnne

September 28, 2010 at 9:56 AM  
Blogger Lindsey said...

My heart hurt for you after reading this post. You are such a strong mother, to admit you still hurt and have hard days is amazing. I love reading your blog because your faith inspires me so much. You are such a beautiful person.

Enjoy the Fall! Look forward to hearing from you again ;)

September 28, 2010 at 10:16 AM  
Blogger the breedens said...

I don't know if you have heard this song but I think it may be fitting for you. beautiful and the perfect words for Cora to sing to you from heaven.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4ksqykqet0

September 28, 2010 at 12:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We don't really have fall here in Florida so I love, love, love your pictures and all your pumpkins! They are amazing! We go from blazing hot to having a few weeks of cool weather usually the first of the year!

I'm not a huge fan of change and I love what you have said about God being unchanging, so true! This is such a beautiful post, your ability to put your feelings into words is really something special. I pray for your family every night and I miss Cora even just "knowing" her from your blog, little things in my day will bring her to mind and will pull at my heart. I so admire your strength and your faith, thank you for sharing with us and for being a source of inspiration to so many.

I hope that handsome little man of yours brings comfort to your arms. I love the picture of him with the football! Too cute!

Take care :)
Krista aka babykatesmom

September 28, 2010 at 1:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what varieties of pumpkins do you plant?
Great pictures
Levi is a cute little pumpkin, also

September 28, 2010 at 3:05 PM  
Blogger Kelly said...

Very well written!

As I have gotten a little older, Fall is my favorite season. I love EVERYTHING about it! Its truly divine! I have a hard time too changing...stepping out of my little comfort zone. I think the more you step out, the more chances you are taking to try and experience new things, yet I have such a hard time doing that. Change is scary to me. But, I think thats okay...I think its normal. I also think beung aware of it allows you to be more willing and open to change.

September 28, 2010 at 6:51 PM  
Blogger Kelly said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

September 28, 2010 at 6:52 PM  
Blogger The Koehns said...

Well said Jess.

Fall is my favorite time of year. I love the colors and scents and decorations. The cooler weather is nice, too. Fall is easier to adapt to than other times of the year, at least for me.

I hope the changes get easier for you. Praying for smooth transitions,

Amber

September 28, 2010 at 10:30 PM  
Blogger the brokaws said...

Thank you! What a great reminder. Love your blog and the photos are just beautiful!

September 29, 2010 at 10:25 AM  
Blogger lauren haddox said...

LOVE all the pics! couldn't agree more...change is tough...it's not comfortable but knowing God goes before me is such a relief.

"the LORD will guide you always..." Isaiah 58:11

jess, you are so good with words and expressing yourself. i'm praying for you during this time of change...i can only imagine how difficult it is. thank you for sharing!

lauren

September 30, 2010 at 12:36 PM  
Anonymous Christina said...

Sweet post...I love all of your pictures.
Change is so hard. I don't like it at all. But I have just been reminding myself, like you, that God doesn't change. I said something very similar on my blog the other day. I am rediscovering joy. :) Thanks for your words...you are always inspiring.

October 1, 2010 at 4:29 PM  

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