The Macs

Friday, June 19, 2009

first appointment

My first appointment was a little over a week ago.

I was anxious for the day to arrive.  I did ok until the morning of the appointment.  That morning I wasn't so great.  I was a mess.  I was so nervous and anxious and sad all at the same time.  I knew I needed to just trust--sometimes that is SO hard!  I spent some time with the Lord and tried to hand over all of my fears and emotions to Him.  He has been so faithful to walk beside us this far and I knew He would be faithful to help us get through this day too.

I needed that time to just be quiet and listen to the Lord, but I still had this heaviness in my heart that we were moving forward without Cora. I felt horrible. I sat in her room for a while and just cried and cried.  So many cherished memories ran through my head as I sat there.  I remembered sitting in that very rocking chair in the middle of the night looking at my sweet baby and just being amazed that she was my daughter. I felt so blessed.  Cora brought us such joy.  Now another little baby was on the way and Cora wasn't going to be with us to meet him/her.  I know Cora will always be a huge part of our family.  But, it is still so hard.  I was really struggling to sort through the intense pain of loosing Cora and the joy of this new baby.

Joel was just as nervous as I was.  We hadn't been to a doctor's office since Cora was with us. During our days in the hospital we always felt this huge pit in our stomachs when a doctor would walk into Cora's room. That was such a horrible feeling.  Each time we prayed that bad news wouldn't come out of the doctor's mouth.  So often it did.

As we sat waiting for my doctor to come in I think we were both feeling that same pit.  We were praying that we wouldn't here bad news that day.  We didn't know if we could handle any more.  We just wanted to hear the sound of a little heart beat.  We needed to hear some good news.

The nurses and doctors were so gracious to us.  The great thing about living in a small town is that they all knew about Cora.  We didn't have to explain anything.  They understood and were so kind as tears rolled down our cheeks. They were wonderful!

And then we heard the amazing sound of our baby's heartbeat.  We needed to hear that so badly!  We even got to take a peek at our new little one.

For you created my inmost being;  you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;  your works are wonderful, 
I know that full well.

Psalm 139:13-14

Everything looked great so far.  I am 12 weeks along and January 2nd is my due date.  We are so thankful for this new little life!  I am feeling pretty good.  Just tired.  And very emotional on top of already being very emotional.  I am grateful for my amazing and understanding husband. He is so patient with me.

Thanks for your many sweet comments. We loved reading them all! We feel so blessed to be loved and prayed for by so many.  

So, this is the beginning of another new journey...
we will be clinging tightly to the Lord the whole way!


Blogger Cathy said...

I can feel the pain and happiness in your post. I am excited about the new life that will join your family soon. I know that this new one will always know about her big sister. Congratulations again. Oh, and by the way, I can NEVER get a dress for my guys are FAST at buying those beautiful clothes!

June 19, 2009 at 5:10 PM  
Blogger Trasie Bressler said...

I am so excited for you and praying for you all.

Many Many Blessings!

June 19, 2009 at 5:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've read your blog for a while and have prayed and prayed for you to be comforted in your sorrow and for God to give you glimpses into heaven to "see" your sweet Cora being held in His arms in perfect peace.

May God bless you in a zillion new ways with the life of this new little one.


June 19, 2009 at 5:23 PM  
Blogger Kenzie said...

So happy to hear all looks well with the new baby. I bet Cora is telling this new little one what awesome parents you are, how much she misses you and how happy she is that she will forever be a part of your family. I still have a hard time understanding why this had to happen. Your not moving on without Cora. You're just moving along with her by your side!!! I pray she's right there guiding you along. Always praying for you.

June 19, 2009 at 5:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Jess - Thanks for sharing your sweet thoughts. It reminded me of how emotional I was about early OB checkups after losing a baby through miscarriage. I had an awareness of all of the possibilities that I hadn't known about the first time around, and it almost seemed more than I could bear. I thank God for your faith which is exactly what I was clinging to in those emotional days of early pregnancy! God bless and keep you & Joel in his tender care as you await Cora's little sister or brother!

In Christ,

June 19, 2009 at 5:25 PM  
Blogger Love B&P said...

I'm still so very excited for you!! I am due the day before you :) Seeing your baby and hearing the heartbeat is so wonderful...

Your family is still deep within my prayers... take care and yay for your 2nd trimester knocking on the door!

June 19, 2009 at 5:26 PM  
Blogger Holly said...

How hard the appt must have been for you! I praise God that your little baby is doing wonderfully and he or she will bring you much joy! Cora will always be a part of your lives and the life of your new little one. (((hugs)))

June 19, 2009 at 5:26 PM  
Blogger susan wilson said...

I have been following your blog since Cora was admitted to the hospital when I was asked to pray for her.
Our 2 kids went to Berean in the late 80's and 90's. I remember Ivy being born. They both had Mr. Mac and of course they loved him and considered him a favorite.
As I have watched your blog your strength and faith in our Savior has been such a witness and example to me. Thank you for sharing the your true self.
I was elated to know you are expecting a new little one. May God bless, comfort and give you peace throughout your pregnancy.

June 19, 2009 at 5:32 PM  
Blogger purejoy said...

somewhere in the middle of fourth of july dresses and outfits i missed your big news!!
i have tears streaming down my face as i think of all the emotions surrounding this time. we will be praying for you heart, for this baby for good health for you both!
joyful joyful joyful!! and blessings to you!!

June 19, 2009 at 5:34 PM  
Blogger April said...

I have only posted on your blog once before, but I have been following the past few months. I went back to review your story on my first visit and I am so thrilled for your pregnancy! Your little peanut will bring your family some much needed joy! Congratulations!

June 19, 2009 at 5:37 PM  
Blogger kati said...

what a precious new little bean. i wish you all the best from here on out...

June 19, 2009 at 5:46 PM  
Blogger Courtney and the Boys said...

Oh what a blessing!!!!! Praise God for this new little life. My prayers are with you for a healthy pregnancy! God Bless!

June 19, 2009 at 5:54 PM  
Blogger Erica said...

oh jess that made me cry! i'm so excited for you but can understand how hard it can be too! there is no beauty like new life, is there? what a beautiful, precious little one you have! i pray an easy and healthy pregnancy and delivery for you... a baby born already filled with the Spirit of the Lord & the fullness of His love! congrats again!!!

June 19, 2009 at 5:58 PM  
Blogger Heather | Cookie Mondays said...

just amazing.

June 19, 2009 at 6:01 PM  
Blogger The Drama Mama said...

Praying for all three of you! I pray you feel a peace that only HE can give! HUGS!

June 19, 2009 at 6:01 PM  
Blogger Joanne : The Simple Wife said...

Thanks for sharing your first picture with us!

Praying for all of you each and every day,

Joanne and the Heim family

June 19, 2009 at 6:09 PM  
Blogger sarah @ life {sweet} life said...

I have been reading your blog for quite some time now but don't comment often. You are an inspiration to me and I pray for you guys often. I am SO excited for y'all and this new chapter of your life! I'm praying blessings and a peace that passes all understanding for you as you move forward. :)

June 19, 2009 at 6:12 PM  
Blogger Tricia said...

Tears are streaming down my face as I write this. My daughter just came in and said ,"Mom, you look like you're crying." I said "I am, baby. Happy tears."
Such a sweet little bean! I am so happy for you guys that I can't even form a coherent sentence.
God is good.
Congratulations again, and many blessings. I will continue to pray for all of you. You have brightened my weekend with your wonderful news and picture.
As always, love and prayers,

June 19, 2009 at 6:13 PM  
Blogger lil misses' mama said...

I am so happy to hear that all is well with Cora's precious little sibling! This new baby will surely always be in awe of the strength of his/her parents and older sibling as you will undoubtedly share tender stories and pictures and memories of Cora with your little one(s). I have been praying so much for the Lord to bless your family beyond measure and to renew your joy a thousand-fold since I first read about Cora in January. Your story has touched me so much because our daughter and yours were born only minutes apart on that special March day in 2008. I think about your family all the time and every time I do, I beseech our glorious God to be your all in all every moment of each day. This new little "Mac" will now be a huge focal point of my prayers for you. Here's to a wonderfully peaceful journey over the next 28 weeks to meet your newest blessing!

June 19, 2009 at 6:18 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

We (my daughter, son amd me) were overjoyed when we saw your post of a new life going to be added to your family! I've been following your blog since I heard about Cora in the hospital. I cried and prayed for you everytime I read your writing. Our God is an Almighty God and I am so glad that He is healing you and your husband. I will keep you in my prayer for this pregnancy.
God bless you!

June 19, 2009 at 6:23 PM  
Blogger vera said...

God has placed that precious life into you so that you can rejoice in it and in Him - so never feel guilty for that joy! But I know you will be missing Cora more than ever, and for that I am crying with you... you are still very much in my prayers!

June 19, 2009 at 6:24 PM  
Blogger Bri!!! said...

There are not many more things that are more miraculous than hearing your baby's heartbeat for the first time. I feel blessed that I will be able to follow you through your journey of bringing miracle number 2 into your life. We long to post the same news.

Much love,


June 19, 2009 at 6:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are remarkable..My heart still hurts for you and Joel. I am so excited for you with this new little blessing!Thanks for continuing to share your journey with us.
You are in my thoughts and prayers!


June 19, 2009 at 6:36 PM  
Blogger Wendy said...

Your little bean is beautiful! I'm so glad that you got to hear that lovely little heartbeat at your appointment. I really am so happy for the two of you!

June 19, 2009 at 6:39 PM  
Anonymous Angela Leaverton said...

praise God!!! we're so excited for you and will be praying for and with you every step of the way :)


June 19, 2009 at 6:42 PM  
Blogger Bonnie said...

Yeah, I'm so excited for ya'll! My due date is the first week of January too. According to my appointment yesterday, I am 11 weeks, 5 days today :) I love reading your blog & if I have a girl - she WILL be getting a Cora dress someday!
<3 Bon

June 19, 2009 at 6:46 PM  
Blogger Kelly said...

Congratulations on your new little one! You and Joel continue to be in my prayers daily. I think about Cora often. I have a 9 month old little girl and I can't imagine ever losing her, as I know you couldn't imagine ever losing Cora. I've prayed that God would help to heal your hearts, and I actually prayed that at some point he would bless you with another child. I will be praying for the new life inside you, and will continue to remember Cora. I know she would have been a wonderful big sister. God bless you.

June 19, 2009 at 6:58 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I am just so full of emotion when I read your posts! I received the Cora shirt I bought my daughter for the 4th. I know I will think of Cora when she wears it. It's just precious. Thank you! Congrats again!


June 19, 2009 at 7:01 PM  
Anonymous Courtney said...

I am crying with you, I remember the feeling of going to the Dr. after Dylan. I was so excited to be pregnant again yet so sad at the same time. I can't tell you how excited I am for you guys and I pray for you all the time. I can't remember if I told you about it is an amazing web site for families who have lost children. Congratulations again I am SOOO happy for you and your families.

Courtney Mayfield

June 19, 2009 at 7:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That is great!!! I am so happy for you guys so happy:)

June 19, 2009 at 7:06 PM  
Blogger Polka Dot Moon said...

Tears of sadness and joy are flowing as I read your posts.
So happy for you, Joel and your future wee one. I know you have a sweet little Angel smiling down upon you.

June 19, 2009 at 7:08 PM  
Blogger Falling Around said...

Thank you for sharing your baby's first picture with us! I am so happy for you guys.

Rest in the Lord, sweet Jess. Take care of yourself for that precious little one who grows inside of you.

Prayers & blessings to you.

June 19, 2009 at 7:10 PM  
Blogger Al's World said...

Yeah!!!! Little one looked so good!! Will continue to pray!

June 19, 2009 at 7:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You continue to be in my prayers!

June 19, 2009 at 7:13 PM  
Blogger wicker0407 said...

Jess & Joel Congratulations again. I am so happy you have been blessed with another child. I hope it eases your pain a little. I think Cora sent you this new baby to help you fill that piece of your heart that is missing. You will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers!
Summer in California

June 19, 2009 at 7:25 PM  
Blogger Our Life in Pixels said...

I think I've posted a comment before, but I just could help but comment again for such an occasion as this.
God truly is amazing and he gives us what we need all the time. I know that Cora is sorely missed, but he has chosen to fill the huge hole in your heart up a little bit by this little baby. I will pray for a happy and healthy pregnancy.
Love and Prayers,

June 19, 2009 at 7:31 PM  
Anonymous Tiffany C said...

I can't imagine the mixed emotions you must be feeling. I pray as the days and weeks pass that your joy will grow and swell as the life in your womb also grows. Blessings and peace be with you!

June 19, 2009 at 7:49 PM  
Blogger THE ZELLERS said...

Congratulations from Wimberley, TX!

How fortunate you are to have such a precious guardian angel watching over you!

Can't wait to follow along as your family continues to grow.

I am also SUPER anxious to watch Cora's playground take shape! (That, and hoping to purchase a Cora dress if I can make it fast enough next time!)



June 19, 2009 at 7:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I cannot imagine the conflicting emotions you are enduring right now, and as you said, pregnancy is full of emotions. Having two sets has got to be tough. Hang in there. There are a lot of people praying for your strong family and thinking about you!

June 19, 2009 at 7:58 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

I can feel you pain and happiness in your post . I do not know you but I think about you and cora every day . I am so happy for the new baby coming :) You need to feel your house with babies. You guys are so great. I am sure that Cora is watching over you and that she is happy that her mommy and daddy will have another baby to love.
She will always be with you.

June 19, 2009 at 8:15 PM  
Blogger beckley said...

so happy for you, knowing the feelings inside you are so complex.

grace and peace to you-

June 19, 2009 at 8:20 PM  
Blogger Tina... said...

I too have been following your blog after being asked to pray for you all....I have been so moved by your honesty and willingness to share your heart with all of us. Thank you. This post was just one more honest look at the ups and downs you are facing. I am praying for you and this precious life within you. May God give you all that you need when you need it!

June 19, 2009 at 8:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wonderful news....thinking about you...

June 19, 2009 at 8:42 PM  
Blogger Misty Rice said...

You continue to win my heart all over again, and I know that sounds a bit weird. Almost too romantic, but its the words that come to heart. Your walk, your faith and your love for Cora.

Oh how my heart rips in two each and every time I read your words. Not only that, but so often I rock Morgan to sleep, you and Cora will just pop into my thoughts and prayers. I mean often too. I wonder if it will always be that way? I wonder if although we never met or meet, Cora will be this part of my life as I watch Morgan grow, knowing Cora would be in her class, her age, doing all that she does.

In away I pray that God brings you a boy. Not that it will make things any easier, but because it will be different to have a boy, and not so much pressure to share and use all of Cora's things just yet. However, God know exactly what you need right now and that was exactly what you got today GOOD NEWS of a healthy new little life being wonderfully knitted together in your womb, even as I type this.

I praise God for this post today, for your good news and I can't wait to walk through this new journey with you guys.

God Bless.

PS: I still need help purchasing a dress for Morgan, I want the new red, white and blue you just posted. Can you help?

June 19, 2009 at 8:44 PM  
Blogger Kristen said...

Jess and Joel - my prayers are with you, asking Him to grant you comfort and strength through these next months of pregnancy. God bless!

June 19, 2009 at 8:44 PM  
Blogger k and c's mom said...

I am so very happy for this joyful journey you are beginning. Blessings on you all.

June 19, 2009 at 8:55 PM  
Blogger Bec74 said...

beutiful baby allready...may God bless you and caanot wait to find out if Cora's baby is a brother or sister!! Love~

June 19, 2009 at 8:56 PM  
Blogger Courtney Kay said...

he gives and takes away... but always is faithful

June 19, 2009 at 8:57 PM  
Anonymous Julie said...

So many emotions...and I can relate in some way to them all. I've been there and walked a similar road. I know it's hard...some days will be tough, but there is also so much joy. I know you are feeling that, too. Cora is forever a part of you and Joel...and will be a huge part of this new baby's life as well.

Know you are in my heart....

June 19, 2009 at 9:01 PM  
Blogger Carrie said...

Glad to hear that everything went great! I am sure Cora was right there with you, holding your hand looking at her little brother or sister. Enjoy your pregnancy :)

June 19, 2009 at 9:22 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...


June 19, 2009 at 9:23 PM  
Blogger Wendy said...

What a beautiful baby...I think he/she will have Cora's cute chubby cheeks!

Thank you for continuing to share your journey.

God bless both of you always.

June 19, 2009 at 9:25 PM  
Blogger 3LittleByrds said...

I have lurked on your blog for awhile and I just wanted to say I'm thinking of yall as you start this new journey.I know it has to be hard to feel like your moving on but that's what Cora would want. I'm sure she's dancing in Heaven at the thought of her new brother or sister. Many hugs and prayers.

June 19, 2009 at 9:28 PM  
Blogger Anna said...

How exciting...what a blessing that a new life will soon become a part of your family! She or he will always hear and know about Cora and even get to meet her one day in heaven! May God give you strength and hope as you experience all of these emotions! God bless! So happy for you...

June 19, 2009 at 9:35 PM  
Blogger Tabitha said...

I'm just another of your many readers who has never commented until now. I can't even remember how I found your blog but I know God led me here. Not a day goes by that you don't cross my mind. Like so many others, your story made me appreciate life in such a new way. I have a 9 month old daughter, Ella, and a lot of times her and I will pray together for you. Thank you for sharing your heart. Have you ever read the book Crazy Love? It's amazing to think of the vastness of God's love for us. How good of Him to bless you with this new life. Ella and I will be praying for you. Sending love from your sister in Christ.

June 19, 2009 at 9:41 PM  
Blogger Beki - TheRustedChain said...

You made me cry.

God is good, all the time.
Someday, 20 years from now, you're going to look back and wonder how you survived this time in your life. And the only answer is God.

I heard a song today that was at Cora's celebration service, and interestingly it had a whole new meaning again since you're pregnant.
I thought I knew what the song said, and then when I heard it at the service, it struck me differently. And then today, I heard a new line that I'd never heard (or payed attention to) before.

I love that.

June 19, 2009 at 9:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have been following your story since Cora was admitted into the hospital through Kayleigh Freeman's site.
I was just so happy to see Cora's announcement about her little baby sibling. God has truly blessed you with this new little life. You are a wonderful mother and any child is so blessed to be especially made just for you.
I know you are full of worry and so many emotions - excitement and also sadness that Cora is not on this new journey with you here on Earth. BUT she is ALWAYS there in spirit and a part of you every day. She is also a part of this new baby and you will see so much of her in this new sibling.
Just know you are in my prayers and I'm so looking forward to the day you hold this baby in your arms.
Congratulations on your baby! I'm just so happy for you and your husband. That pain of missing Cora will always be a part of you, but hopefully you will get to a point where you can feel joy, happiness and peace without feeling sad. Cora would want you to be just as good of a mom you were to her and just as happy. You deserve all the happiness in the world.

I don't even know you, but I can tell you are a very special soul!
God Bless you!


June 19, 2009 at 9:46 PM  
Blogger The McBrayer family said...

I follow your blog and have been praying for you and Joel ever since I was lead here. I was overjoyed to hear your wonderful news. I will be praying for your new little one and know that he/she will bring much joy! You are a true inspiration and a beautiful person. Your love for our Lord is true, deep and so real. I love reading your words. Thank you for sharing your story. Praying for you in GA.

June 19, 2009 at 9:57 PM  
Blogger Laura Marchant said...


June 19, 2009 at 10:00 PM  
Anonymous Cristy said...

Still praying for you guys Jess. Congrats to you both on this new sweet little life!


June 19, 2009 at 10:00 PM  
Blogger Cynthia said...

I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. You are probably having so many mixed emotions. Still hurting so badly, but wanting to be happy/excited about this new baby. Nervous and hopeful for the health of him/her. I am so sorry your sweet Cora is not still here with you. It is so unfair that things like this happen. Tears are streaming down my face as I read your post tonight. (((hugs)))

June 19, 2009 at 10:03 PM  
Blogger Todd and Courtney said...

I'm so excited for you two and can't wait to hear the updates as you visit the doctor. Thinking and praying for you all every single day, I mean it...every single day. You are loved.

June 19, 2009 at 10:03 PM  
Blogger Marla Taviano said...

Cora's little sibling is BEAUTIFUL. And he/she will love Cora even though they won't meet until heaven. I've never met Cora, and I love her dearly. I can't wait to meet her someday!

June 19, 2009 at 10:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA for you guys! You are in my thoughts and prayers. Much love!

Jenna Gudalis and family
(Lauren McCay Byrne's friends)

June 19, 2009 at 10:06 PM  
Blogger Dawn said...

I am truly happy for you guys. I have a daughter and a year ago we lost the baby we were carrying, we were almost 20 weeks. That loss was very hard for us, mostly because I am 41 and I kind of knew that was most likely my last chance. Since then I have to be happy for people when I hear they are pg. And most the time I am and I want to be, but envious too. It's been a roller coaster of emotions.
But when I read your annoucement post, for the first time I felt exactly how someone should feel. TOTALLY HAPPY FOR 2 PEOPLE. I have cried over many of your blog posts and if any 2 people deserve this, it's you two. This baby won't replace her but only add and fill that void of taking care of someone. Congratulations.

June 19, 2009 at 10:16 PM  
Blogger Melanie @ Whimsical Creations said...

I am so excited for you guys!

hugs and prayers are with you

June 19, 2009 at 10:22 PM  
Blogger mommyof2sons said...

God is so good! Love the picture!! Praying for you!

June 19, 2009 at 10:25 PM  
Blogger Kristi said...

Let the Lord be your Rock at this time. Continue to cling to Him and let Him carry your sweet family. I am so very happy for this new, precious life growing in you!

June 19, 2009 at 10:34 PM  
Blogger hoosier68 said...

Isn't modern technology wonderful? To hear the heartbeat and see the ultrasound have to be so reassuring to you. My 18 month old granddaughter wore the Cora dress I ordered to her grandfather's retirement dinner tonight and was the center of attention! Still praying daily for you.

June 19, 2009 at 10:45 PM  
Blogger Melissa at Perry Jayne said...

We continue to lift you up in prayer, praying for His comfort, blessings, protection, and favor for your family. So happy to see that little ultrasound photo. Hearing that heartbeat is such a rush of emotions.

June 19, 2009 at 10:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Excited for your wonderful news! Cora HAS to be smiling too!!

June 19, 2009 at 10:51 PM  
Blogger Lacie and Stephen said...

My situation was different than yours, but I can identify wholeheartedly with the emotional struggle. I had such a difficult second pregnancy after losing my first child. You will have to tell yourself many times to give it to God. Hopefully Cora IS sharing in this moment with you! Perhaps not in the way you imagined. If she can't see you from up in Heaven, she is still in your memories. You will remember her milestones as you make new ones with this baby. Best of all you will be able to tell him/her all about his/her big sister! I am looking forward to the day when my little one wants to know more about her big sister! Until then, I talk about her off and on, so that she knows there is another person in our family who isn't with us right now. May God bless you! Know that we are all out here praying for you! We love you!

In Him,
Lacie Hutchins
Wichita, KS

June 19, 2009 at 10:53 PM  
Blogger maddie/cadesmimi said...

I found your blog a month or so ago and have been following since then. I was heartbroken when I read what your family has been through. I am thrilled to hear your news of another baby! I will be praying for you and following your blog...Kathy B. in GA.

June 19, 2009 at 10:54 PM  
Anonymous Christina said...

I just cry...
I'll pray too! Hearing that heartbeat is an amazing thing. Beyond words.

June 19, 2009 at 10:56 PM  
Anonymous Jackie said...

I have tears running down my face for you! Such a miracle!
I hope you have a smooth 28 more weeks!

June 19, 2009 at 11:01 PM  
Anonymous Paula said...

What a blessed picture of your baby!

Thank you for your transparency!

June 19, 2009 at 11:04 PM  
Blogger Doug and Sarah said...

You write so beutifully and honestly about your feelings. I really admire that. I know your heart is heavy with sadness for Cora and happy too to be carrying her little sibling. We continue to pray for you. We know God and Cora are looking out for you and Baby Mac. Glad you're physically feeling well. Congratulations again. Praying for and wishing you all the best!

June 19, 2009 at 11:09 PM  
Blogger Becky said...

I am so happy that everything is going well. My heart goes out to you. I am thinking of you.

June 19, 2009 at 11:11 PM  
Blogger The Schilling's from Cimarron said...

OH how sweet that picture is! :)
I cried as I read your blog, happy but yet feeling your fear and sadness also.... Cora will be by your side every step of her new brother or sisters way! I know she and the Lord got together and made this wonderful event happen for you! Be Happy she is telling you I am here with you always!

I got a new blog so check it out...
Love you both!


June 19, 2009 at 11:17 PM  
Blogger Alice said...

How exciting!!! I am praying for you guys and the new little baby.

June 19, 2009 at 11:30 PM  
Blogger Kate said...

I am so happy for you two. I am sure that Cora and God are perfectly weaving this new little one together w/ more love for you and Joel than you could ever imagine. My husband and I have two daughters ages 3 and 17mos. They are the greatest gift we have ever been given. Sometimes my heart aches as I see them growing so quickly. I know this time we have w/ them is so precious. Something that my whole life will reflect upon. I have followed your blog since Cora first became sick. I have cried for you and ached for you and the empty hole that has been left in your life. I can't begin to imagine the emotions you are dealing w/. But please know that you've been such an inspiration to me. To love & appreciate every waking minute w/ my children. But most importantly to have faith.

June 20, 2009 at 12:22 AM  
Blogger Amber Filkins said...

So glad you got to hear the baby's heartbeat and take a peek! I will be saying lots of prayers for you both.

Congrats again!!

June 20, 2009 at 2:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am so ecstatic about your baby news. :-)

Blessings and best wishes to all,

Tracy (Australia)

June 20, 2009 at 2:58 AM  
Blogger Lacey McKay said...

What a cute little peanut! This whole post had me in tears. I can't imagine the mixture of feelings you must be experiencing right now. I still think about you every single day.

June 20, 2009 at 3:10 AM  
Blogger Monica said...

I can only imagine the mix of emotions you are feeling. I am so thankful your appointment went well and you were able to hear your little one's beautiful heart beat.

June 20, 2009 at 7:08 AM  
Blogger THE SPIVEY"S said...

I can not say that I understand what you are going through but I can say that I am here for you and your family as you go through it. We think about you daily and pray with you daily for baby Cora in heaven and this new baby in your womb. Congrats again for this new life and your are so right God is hearing your prayers.

June 20, 2009 at 7:37 AM  
Blogger Melissa said...

Congratulations on the baby!! I cannot imagine what you are going through. However, there is another blog I read that I wanted to recommend.

June 20, 2009 at 8:23 AM  
Blogger Jane In The Jungle said...

So glad you got to see him/her. It will be a roller coaster ride emotionally. It is hard to move ahead. Praising God for your new little one, and prayers for all 3 of you! And I know Cora is grinning from ear to ear with Jesus at her side....

June 20, 2009 at 8:50 AM  
Blogger Krista said...

oh congrats! i've posted once before and you don't know me (i'm a friend of a friend!) but i pray for you often and am so challenged by your blog! i am so excited for you and will continue to pray for you along this journey...for your baby and your heart. i can't imagine the roller coaster of emotions you must be experiencing, but through it all it is so encouraging to see you cling to Jesus so tightly....

June 20, 2009 at 8:50 AM  
Anonymous Maria said...

I am praying for you and this new life and the journey of grief you are on.

June 20, 2009 at 9:06 AM  
Blogger Lynn Jones said...

Can you grasp how many people already love this new little kidlet? And how many of us will be praying with you through your pregnancy. I pray God will give you an overwhelming sense of His loving care through these next months. Once again, thanks for sharing so generously, Jess.

June 20, 2009 at 9:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am so happy for you both. I know this is such a bittersweet time for you, but I know that God graced two very loving and deserving parents with the joy only a child can bring. Let your tears of sadness melt into those of joy and God bless all of you!

June 20, 2009 at 9:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am so excited for you. I will continue praying for all of you.

June 20, 2009 at 10:26 AM  
Blogger Melissa said...

I am so happy for you! The miracle of life is truly amazing and precious. It never fails to amaze me when a new baby is born...I sob everytime I watch "A Baby Story" on TLC!

I pray every day for you and Joel. You both are so amazing and are such wonderful parents! Cora and this new baby are SO lucky to have you as Mom and Dad.

God is good. Praying for you always!

June 20, 2009 at 10:42 AM  
Blogger greenpastamomma said...

I was reading Ezra 3:10-13 yesterday and praying for you guys...the mixture of shouts of joy and cries of sorrow all happening at the same time brought you vividly before my mind.
Jessica Stroope

June 20, 2009 at 10:50 AM  
Blogger Micah said...

You have such a way with words. I am just in tears 90% of the time I read your blog. I put myself in your shoes and feel right along with you. Praying, and praying, and praying. So excited for this new little life that will be blessed with such wonderful, God fearing parents.

June 20, 2009 at 11:41 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

So thrilled for you. Keep clinging to the Lord. He is the only thing that will sustain us. I pray that somehow the pit you feel will be replaced by love for this new life growing inside you. I pray that the sweet memories of Cora will overshadow the memories of sadness and pain. Your faith is shining brightly for all to see. Continue to exalt Him and lift His name up high for all to see through the joys and pains of life. You inspire me to do the same!

June 20, 2009 at 1:03 PM  
Anonymous heather said...

Beautiful, Mama.

June 20, 2009 at 2:22 PM  
Anonymous katie said...

You don't know me...I've commented a couple of times before. But, anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I am SO happy for you with the news of the new baby! What wonderful news! And of course you'll be feeling so many mixed emotions during this new journey. Keep clinging to God as you've always done...and I know you will! Your faith is truly a wonderful example!
Katie in Nebraska

June 20, 2009 at 2:26 PM  
Anonymous Karina said...

Congratulations on getting through your first appointment and the BEAUTIFUL first picture of your second child! There is nothing like hearing the heartbeat for the first time.

It must have been a very rough morning. I cry every time I read your posts; your ability to express yourself clearly and simply makes me live some of the agony with you. Knowing that I can get up from my computer and recover my emotions, while for you the grief remains constant, reminds me to appreciate my life and three children more.

Even though this journey will be bittersweet, I am thrilled that you have something so happy to look forward to. Your next bundle of joy will be eagerly anticipated by MANY of us who would probably otherwise never have known about you - because of Cora's legacy and the empathy you inspire in us, this is certain to be an exciting journey for us all!

June 20, 2009 at 3:08 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

I am praying for you two! Such excitement and such sorrow all at once...this must be so so hard!!

I know you are clinging to the KING!


June 20, 2009 at 5:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Joel and Jess-
What a blessing! We are thrilled for you. We continue to pray for you and will begin praying for a healthy "baby Mac"! God is so good.

The Raile's

June 20, 2009 at 5:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow! We are thrilled for your family and still praying for you all the time :) We think of you alot and enjoy checking your blog for updates. Continue to take care and remember that God is always watching over you...

June 20, 2009 at 6:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Congratulations on your pregnancy! As a labor and delivery nurse I understand the conflict between joy and sadness you feel. It seems that there is a common fear that if you let go of the sadness you will lessen the memories of the child that has been lost. The best way to honor Cora is to love this child with all of your heart. After all it was Cora who taught you to be such a wonderful mother! My best wishes to you and your family!

June 20, 2009 at 6:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ho Jess, There is so many things that I would like to say to make you feel better but there is no words, but please note that you and Joel are always in our prayers. We have learn to love Cora trough you and she will never be forgotten as she already live in our harts. Congratulations on the new Baby and we will also be praying for a healthy baby. Lots of hugs on your way.


June 20, 2009 at 7:25 PM  
Blogger Hoover Family said...

I am excited for you new blessing, you guys deserve some happy days. Cora is looking down from above and will touch this new babies life in many special ways, that only Cora can.
Thanks for continueing to write! God Bless!

June 20, 2009 at 8:17 PM  
Blogger Hoover Family said...

I am excited for you new blessing, you guys deserve some happy days. Cora is looking down from above and will touch this new babies life in many special ways, that only Cora can.
Thanks for continueing to write! God Bless!

June 20, 2009 at 8:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY JOEL! What a fantastic Dad you are to Cora and the new baby Mac!
I will be thinking of you! Prayers!


June 20, 2009 at 9:34 PM  
Blogger Kelly said...

Whoo boy! I'm all teary over here reading about your anxities and fears and then seeing that little bean of a baby! WOW!

God is good.

June 20, 2009 at 9:39 PM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

Moving on is hard but we know that this is what God would want for our families. Little blessings from above - that is what each child is no matter how long they are with us.

June 20, 2009 at 9:49 PM  
Anonymous Angie Thieszen said...

I'm not sure I've ever even posted on here or not, but we have been following your story from the very beginning. My husband is a cousin of Collin Siebert, a friend from your church. I feel as if we have many connections to husband, Micah, is an RN at our Cancer Center and he lost his mom to cancer at age 6 so he has such a passion for cancer patients and families. Our niece also was diagnosed with cancer at age 2 1/2 so we also know what it's like to be a family member of a cancer hard. In addition to that, our second child, Toby, underwent emergency heart surgery 1 week into life so I feel like I know what it is like to have a very sick child fighting for their life in the hospital. However, despite all these things, I know we still can't completely connect in what it's like to lose a child--Toby thankfully pulled through and is doing very well, as is our niece. My heart has always ached for you and I just wanted to let you know that I have shed many, many tears over the journey God has carried you through. Anyways, we are now pregnant with our 3rd (due late Oct.) and I just wanted to share that the Lord certainly knows our fears of carrying another child when it all seemed to be so hard with our last one. He desires so desperately to know the real depths of our hearts even when they aren't "pretty" so I encourage you to continue being open with Him as you seem to be doing. We have been somewhat anxious that this baby could have more heart defects like Toby and we could experience the same horrible ordeal all over again. Some days this has been my focus--worry--and other days, I focus on the joy of another life and trust that God is protecting this little growing miracle. We are certainly "human" and like you said--extra emotional with all the pregnancy hormones! We just went through our extensive ultrasound and echo at Riley Children's Hospital this past week and all is looking well...what a relief and a praise! Please know that as I read your updates I will be praying for you to allow yourself to enjoy this pregnancy and second baby addition to your family. May God continue to meet your needs right when you have them--whether they be needs of grief and sadness over the loss of Cora or joy and celebration of the new life growing inside you. It is a miracle indeed. Blessings to you both from strangers/friends in Goshen, Indiana.
Angie Thieszen

June 20, 2009 at 10:16 PM  
Anonymous patti said...

oh how exciting! i just love the "little peanut" first photos. congrats to you both. praying you have an easy pregnancy and a healthy little one on the way!

June 21, 2009 at 12:11 AM  
Blogger Paige said...

What an amazing parents and family you all are. I am praying for you and just know that the Lord will feel your hearts with joys are take care of you two.

loves & hugs from Kentucky

June 21, 2009 at 2:52 AM  
Blogger The Jones' said...

I am so glad to hear your little one is doing well! I will keep praying for you and Joel as you both walk this journey together.

June 21, 2009 at 10:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Today is 06-21-09

Jess This Is for Joel.

There was a Dad
Who had a daughter.
Swung her.
Chased her.
Hugged her.
Loved her.
Praised her.
Taught her.
Oh, what happiness
he brought her!

Happy Dad's Day
from that daughter
in heaven.

Love you, Dad.


That what she would say is she was
here. Joel you were the best father ans deserve to celebrate this day.

we love you

The Leon's family

June 21, 2009 at 11:16 AM  
Blogger Christine said...

Praise the Lord for the beginning to a new and exciting journey for your family! What a tremendous blessing.

Please wish Joel a Happy Father's Day from us here in Georgetown, Texas. I pray that he would be surrounded with the Lord's love and encouraged today. Love and prayers to you both, Christine

June 21, 2009 at 1:28 PM  
Blogger Susan said...

What an expected roller coaster of emotions. As if we're not emotional enough in pregnancy, but this is not your normal pregnancy. This is such a special one, this little one who will be joining "The Macs" will bring such joy and happiness to a much deserving family.

I could "feel" your conflict as you wrote of the morning of your appointment. I'm sure there will be those feelings many times throughout your pregnancy, but I know Cora would want you to be happy and joyous just as she would have been to be a big sister.

Many, many blessings to you.
Praying for all to continue to be well and for little one to grow and grow.

Praising God with you for New Life!
Susan in Indiana

June 21, 2009 at 6:07 PM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

What a beautiful brother/sister Cora is going to have! She will always be with you!!!!!! Praying for you!

June 21, 2009 at 8:49 PM  
Blogger Ang said...

I am so excited that God has allowed another precious miracle to be your lives! I will be praying for you guys!!

June 21, 2009 at 8:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't help but think that Cora is looking down from Heaven, so excited she is going to be a big sister. While she will never meet him/her here on Earth, they will meet in Heaven <3

June 21, 2009 at 8:59 PM  
Blogger Maddie's Mommy said...

The due date for my daughter was Jan. 2 also.. She was born Dec. 26, 2007...Maybe you'll have a Christmas Miracle :)

June 21, 2009 at 11:02 PM  
Blogger Lexie Loo, Lily, Liam & Dylan Too said...

You are in my prayers every day.
I am glad to hear that the new baby is doing well.
Thinking of you always!

June 22, 2009 at 12:14 AM  
Blogger Danyele Easterhaus said...

a new journey...and lots of love and jo9y to be earned and shared along the path! horray and more congrats to you!

June 22, 2009 at 7:38 AM  
Anonymous Audrey said...

How wonderful to be able to be "along" with you as you blog about your new pregnancy. As I read your thoughts about Cora not being able to meet her new sibling, I was reminded about something my parents wrote in the Bible they gave me for my graduation. Before we were even born, He knew our name. (Isaiah 49:1,3) I have no doubt that Cora does know her sibling because she is right there as our mighty Potter molds her/him with His hands.

He did and continues to do so much with Cora's life, what an amazing legacy this little one is going to be born in!

June 22, 2009 at 9:02 AM  
Anonymous Toni :O) said...

Yay! Such a great picture of your new precious wonderful! I can only imagine your pain, grief, sorrrow, joy and excitement all mixed in together. Cora is right alongside both of you on this journey. It was the gift of her life that has led you to be the wonderful parents you are and this new baby will benefit so much from Cora's special gift. Best wishes for a continued happy and healthy pregnancy. Thank you updating all of us and sharing your lives with us. I feel blessed, so blessed, to be a part of your blog world. Continuing to send you love and hugs for support from Michigan and I continue to pray for you daily.

June 22, 2009 at 9:15 AM  
Blogger Tara said...

isn't that heartbeat the sweetest sound. before you hear it, and while they are searching for it, there is such anxiousness. but the moment that you can hear it... it's just the sweetest sound. and the little sonogram... how adorable! congrats! i am 16 weeks pregnant right now... and we are so excited! january will be here before you know it!!!

June 22, 2009 at 10:02 AM  
Blogger Jessica Davis said...

congratulations! I missed the big announcement but couldn't be happier for you!

May God bless you and your newest little one. I will continue to pray for everyone's good health!

June 22, 2009 at 9:09 PM  
Blogger Zoe said...

I am so glad for you - babies are such miracles... I found your blog some time ago - just after Cora went to be with Jesus, and her story gripped my heart. My baby was just around 10 months old at the time I found your blog, and I just cried for you, and hugged my girl a little tighter. I've tried to keep up with your blog since then, and am always encouraged by your amazing grace and trust and transparency in what must be such a difficult and heart-wrenching journey...
I will pray that this new little life will grow strong and healthy, and that you will be able to rest and enjoy the miracle and joy of pregnancy.
p.s. so fun that you were born in Japan - just saw that on an older post... we are living in Japan now - my husband is in the military. And our baby was born here too! 5 yrs of infertility, God blessed us with 2 babies, one by adoption and one by birth, 6 months apart.... God is amazing!

June 23, 2009 at 12:58 AM  
Blogger Snoodle Family said...

Congratulations! I am so excited for you! My prayers are with you during this time.

June 23, 2009 at 6:23 AM  
Blogger Ashley said...

Congratulations on the new baby on the way, what a little blessing! We will be praying for you and the baby! We received a dress, onsie and a blanket that you made as a gift from Lori Riley from St. Francis, KS., where my husband is from. I just love the dress! Our daughter is wearing it in my latest post! Every time she wears it, I pray for you and your family. Sweet Cora is such a special girl, reading about her life brings me such joy! We pray you continue to feel well during your pregnancy!

June 23, 2009 at 8:21 AM  
Anonymous said...

Oh my heart is filled with such joy for you!! I have not read your blog for a long time and what an awesome suprise to see a little miracle of love growing!!! My heart still hurts for you both, I can't image the pain you have experienced. Know that we are praying for you and I look forward to more posts about the baby on the way!! ~Natalie Owen from Oneill NE - friends of Jerald McClenahan

June 23, 2009 at 3:47 PM  
Anonymous M. Cummings said...

This weekend I lost my third baby to miscarriage. I know that God is good in all things. But it is so hard to lose our children. So *very* hard. Reading your blog both encourages me and brings me to tears. I know the feelings. All too well. Although three of my children are not here in my arms, I am confident that they are praising the Lord in heaven. And that *is* a good thing.

June 23, 2009 at 7:01 PM  
Blogger Vincent Family said...

I am so excited for you! You guys are in my thoughts and prayers.

June 23, 2009 at 10:08 PM  
Blogger e.m. said...

Oh.. how exciting ..and hard. Of course, Cora will know your new little one...who do you think is with his/her soul right now (waiting to be born)? It is sad to think about your loss but how lucky for your new little one to have your beautiful sweet Cora as an angel by their side. Congratulations!

June 24, 2009 at 1:22 PM  
Blogger In This Wonderful Life said...

Congrats! So exciting. I will be praying for you guys!

June 24, 2009 at 2:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am so excited for you as you heard the heartbeat of your precious little baby. Will keep praying for you as your heart aches for your precious Cora. Love the dresses you are making.
Karyn in Florida

June 24, 2009 at 3:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have been reading your blog for a while now but have never commented. I just wanted to tell you that I have been praying for your family for a long time and I am so excited to hear you are expecting. I cried when I read your update today. Your unending faith is such an inspiration to me. I will continue to keep you and your husband in my prayers! God Bless You!

June 24, 2009 at 8:34 PM  
Blogger Rachel said...

God is so good. His timing is perfect! Praying for you.

June 24, 2009 at 9:11 PM  
Blogger BEK said...

Sending you prayers of strength and joy!

June 25, 2009 at 4:01 AM  
Blogger Marlene said...

I am thrilled to read that you are expecting a baby - congratulations! You continue to be in my prayers. This baby is so blessed already to have such wonderful parents. I could say more, but words really can't express my feelings for you guys! I will be in prayer for a healthy pregnancy :)

June 25, 2009 at 8:22 AM  
Blogger drea :: dre of white stables said...

Praise the Lord for good news! That first sound of the heart beat is so very precious. Congratulations again. I pray for a healthy pregnancy & baby.

June 26, 2009 at 3:03 PM  
Anonymous Paula said...

I am smiling and so happy for you! Sending love....

June 26, 2009 at 8:56 PM  
Blogger Lindsey said...

My heart wants to explode with emtion. Happy and Sad. That little one growing inside you is sure lucky. I am sure Cora sent him/her to you, and I am sure she told that little one about the amazing parents they share! Congrats.. I can not think of two more deserving people to receive this gift!

June 27, 2009 at 12:30 AM  
Anonymous A "Friend" praying for you in MD said...

We have been away and I hadn't checked your blog in a while. I rejoice with you in this new little sweet one that God is knitting together for you. Praise HIM! Many blessing and much comfort is what I pray for you all!

June 27, 2009 at 10:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I haven't been on for some time. Just read that you are expecting again. I cannot be happier for you both. It is hard to feel like you are leaving something behind. I was pregnant with twins after trying 6 years to conceive and miscarried one of them. On one hand I was heartbroke, on the other, so excited. You will get through it...Cora will see to it.
Congrats and best wishes!

June 29, 2009 at 6:51 PM  
Blogger Mae said...

I will be saying extra prays for you and your husband during your pregnancy! I am so happy for both of you!

July 2, 2009 at 11:37 AM  
Blogger Ravan said...

While Cora may not be here for you to see the interaction between her and your new little bundle of joy (once they get here), I'm certain she's showing them the ropes in the heaven. I mean, who better teach your new baby how to melt your heart than sweet Cora, who has melted not only yours, but SOOO many other people's hearts. I bet, once your little bundle of joy is here, you'll see them doing things that only Cora did.
Just a way Cora to let you know she'll always be with you and that she's done her part as 'big sister'

July 5, 2009 at 10:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Congratulations on the bundle of joy on the way! I love reading your blog and think of your family often. Thanks for keeping us updated! :)

July 6, 2009 at 9:04 PM  

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