no words.

Today is one of those days when everything that I had planned to post seems totally unimportant. I have no words. My heart is aching for the Pearson family. I have never met this family, but the Lord has impressed them on my heart ever since I heard about their sweet Paxten.

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Yesterday, Paxten was welcomed into the arms of Jesus. As parents we know that there is no better place for our children to be, but it is still unimaginably painful when we are asked to say goodbye to our babies here on earth far sooner than we ever expected or dreamed.

I am astounded by the loving words that Paxten's mama and daddy posted today. Blake and Libby are standing firm on God's truth and promises. They know that while they grieve, they grieve with HOPE.

Last week we were studying 1 Thessalonians in BSF. I was really struck by this passage describing the Lord's return...

Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. According to the Lord's own word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left till the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage each other with these words.

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18

My BSF notes said, "Far from being deprived of this experience, those who have died in Christ will be the first to enjoy it, for they are already fully alive and conscious in Him." Even though I know that Cora is in the arms of Jesus, alive and healed, so often when I am talking about her it is in the context of death. I loved thinking of Cora as fully alive and conscious in Him. How incredibly awesome. And I can't tell you how much I long for the day when I will be united with Cora and meet the Lord in the air. We will be together, forever with the Lord. I have tears streaming down my face just thinking about it. And I can imagine that the Pearson's have a new longing for the day when they too will be united with sweet Paxten and spend eternity with the Lord. A day when there is no more pain or sorrow. What a glorious day that will be!

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Please take a minute right now and pray for the Pearsons. And continue to pray for this family as the Lord brings them to mind. They have a long road ahead of them as they move forward without Paxten in their arms. I am so thankful that Paxten is in the arms of Jesus. What an impact this little girl has had, and will continue to have because of the testimony of her parents, for His Kingdom. And I am so thankful that her parents can cling to Jesus when their world feels like it has come crashing down...when their hearts are full of sorrow as they desperately miss their precious baby girl.

Sending much love and prayers to the Pearsons!

pray for paxten

This is the sweet little girl I mentioned in my post on Monday. Her name is Paxten Pearson. She is 22 months old and was diagnosed with leukemia in December (2010). Please join me in praying for this sweet family and for the healing of their precious daughter. My heart aches for Paxten. My heart aches for her mama and daddy. I am praying that the Lord would give them perfect peace at a time when their life feels anything but peaceful as their world has been turned upside down. You can get updates and read Paxton's story on their CaringBridge Page.

You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. 

Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal.

Isaiah 26:3-4

quilt fabric & a few other things

I have received quite a few comments and emails asking what fabrics I used in Griffin's quilt and how I chose them...and since I never get around to answering all of your question...here you go...

I buy most of my fabrics from fabric.com, quilthome.com, or locally (quilt shop, JoAnn, Hobby Lobby, Hancock Fabrics). Hawthornethreads.com and etsy.com are also great places to look too.

I knew that I wanted a red, chambray blue, and gray color scheme for the quilt. I just started searching those colors until I found prints that I liked and thought would look good together. Matching colors is a little bit of a gamble online, but I only ended up with one print that I didn't like. I usually buy online because there is a much better selection and the prices are generally cheaper. Plus they deliver it right to your door and you don't have to drag your two little boys out to look at fabric. Definitely a bonus!

These are the twelve fabrics I chose (plus white for the background):

Michael Miller Ta Dot Stone
Michael Miller Quarter Dot Red
Micahel Miller Children at Play Dot to Dot Blue
Michael Miller Children at Play Racer Stripes Blue
Michael Miller That's It Dot Cherry
Michael Miller Mini Mike Orchid Gray Dot Duo Grey
Michael Miller Dumb Dot Peppermint
Michael Miller Rouge et Noir Stitch Petal Red
Annela Hoey Sherbet Pips Playdot Red (from local quilt shop)
Moda Bella Solids--white, blue, gray (from local quilt shop)
Dark gray polka dot (from Hancock Fabrics)

My mom is using this pattern for the quilt. She finished piecing it and then we decided to make a few adjustments...which has taken awhile. Hopefully it will be off to the quilter next week!

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A few pictures from the phone...

1. The boys got a new ride.
2. Brothers.
3. Happy baby + happy hippo.
4. Riding his bike with milk and snack on board (of course).
5. Helping dad.
6. Uncle James is home from China. Yay!

You can link your Instagram pics up too at Life Rearranged.

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DaySpring's after Christmas sale ends Monday. Most of the Christmas stuff is 25% to 75% off. Make sure to check it out...you might score a good deal!

The Numbers of Faith items are also 50% off. Here are a few of my favorites:

Let Your Light Shine - Tealight Candleholder

$14.00 $6.99

Child of God - Layered Wall Art

$20.00 $9.99

And if you like the Life Collection, you can get a really good deal on the 4 piece place setting...

Life Collection - 4 Piece Place Setting

$48.96 $20.00

...or just the bread plate, which is my favorite.

Life Collection - Bread Plate
$5.99 $2.99

You can check out all other sales and monthly specials here.

And if you find something you can't live without here are some coupon codes:
Use code 15OFFGIFTS to receive 15% off gifts.
Use code 10off60 to receive $10 off orders of $60 or more.

Have a great weekend!

Disclosure: DaySpring affiliate links used

griffin {four months}

Thank you all for the kind words of encouragement you left on my last post. This blog has been one of the many, many unexpected blessings that has come out of losing Cora. I am so thankful for my readers and your prayers on behalf of my family. I know...without a doubt...that God is using Cora's death for good and to bring glory to Himself. How awesome that we serve a God who can bring such beauty out of ashes. I am thankful that although we will not get to see the big picture until we get to heaven, the Lord is so graciously allowing us to see glimpses of how He is using Cora's story in so many different ways to bring people closer to Himself. Praise God! And although these January days still tend to be hard, they are also filled with a sweet baby who turned four months. How did that happen already??

* * * * * * * * * * * 

 Griffin was so squirmy for his four month photo shoot. Hands in his mouth, rolling on his side, chubby feet in the air, sweet smiles, squealing at his mama...this is Griffin at four months.

You've definitely got those cute baby rolls. Mac babies don't come any other way, right?! At four months you weigh 17 pounds 7 ounces and are 26.2 inches long. You are wearing 3-6 and 6-12 month clothes. You almost skipped right over the 3-6 month size! We just finished up your size 2 diapers and now you are starting to wear size 3.

You are so sweet. Not only do you remind me of your sissy in looks, but your personality is more and more like hers everyday. You smile with those blue eyes of yours and I keep wondering if they are going to stay blue...another similarity to your sissy. Your smiles are pure sweetness and I love sitting and talking to you. We found out you are very ticklish too. Those first giggles came this month. And you started giggling at your daddy too...he can always make you and your brother laugh!

The moving has begun. You are grabbing and holding anything you can get your hands on. And if you are not grabbing at something you are sucking on your little fingers...or your whole fist. You are wiggly and even rolled over already! I was so surprised because your brother and sister didn't roll over until they were like six months old!

You love watching your brother. He still doesn't pay a lot of attention to you but he does think your baby toys are cool. You took your first bath together and Levi thought it was awesome to be able to dump water on you. Someday you will be able to dump water on him too! You are babbling all the time and can be pretty loud. What am I going to do if I get two little boys who talk all. the. time.?

Happy four months sweet boy! You are so loved.

Love, Mama

Griffin  I  1 month

Griffin  I  2 months

Griffin  I  3 months

these january days

These January days are always hard for me. Yesterday was the anniversary of the day we took our Cora to the hospital. Not a day that I necessarily want to remember or relive, but a day that is forever etched in my mind. That day our lives were turned upside down and our family was changed...forever. The next day we reluctantly handed our sweet girl off for surgery and the doctors confirmed that Cora had cancer. In many ways I still grieve that day. We were so, so thankful that Cora made it through surgery...that the doctors seemed so hopeful for her chances of recovery...that the Lord was going to allow us more days with our daughter...that there was an army of prayer warriors rising up behind us. I am still so thankful for all of those things, but those moments we spent with Cora before her surgery were the last moments I spent laughing and playing with my daughter...the daughter that I had grown to know and love so much over our almost eleven months together. We saw glimpses of our sweet Cora again through the ups and downs of her seventeen days in the hospital, but she never returned to the same little girl that her mama knew so well. So, I grieve that day. And that is why I think these calendar days of January and February tend to be so hard. They are not just numbers to me. They represent days that I battled for my daughters life. Days that are attached to so many hard memories. Days that I know have a purpose, but often wonder why God didn't allow them to end with the healing of my daughter. Days that are still hard to understand.

These January days are often marked with tears, and flashbacks, and doubts, and fears. I think the Devil knows that my husband and I are vulnerable on these days and he uses them to test us. It is on these days that we often start to question God again or fear creeps in and we can't seem to find peace. We have to battle to keep our minds focused on Truth and remind ourselves that Jesus is the only answer to our deepest needs.

These January days are hard but they are also filled with reminders of a God who cares about the details of our life. Our God, who has been so faithful to us through death and heartache. Remember last year? It was on January 22nd that we found out we were expecting our sweet Griffin. I know that wasn't a coincidence. The events of that day felt as if God was sending a gigantic hug straight from heaven to us. A hug that we desperately needed. And this year has been no different. {Don't get the wrong idea, there is no announcement this year!!} We didn't find out we were expecting again...but the day was filled with reminders of a personal God who understands our pain, even three years later.

I am pretty sure that every song we sang at church on Sunday was picked just for me. There was one  that really stuck out though...a new song that I have heard but hadn't really paid attention to before. You should listen to it too. The message is so good.


He is peace...when my fear is crippling.He is truth...even in my wandering.He is joy...the reason that I sing.He is life...in Him death has lost its sting.
I needed to sing those words yesterday. I needed to be reminded of the peace, truth, joy, and life my Savior offers to me on these hard January days...and everyday. And I need to remember to run into His arms for strength to face the day when I feel like hiding under the covers instead. The riches of His love will always be enough.
After church a friend stopped me and was sharing about a little girl who is battling for her life in Kansas City right now. She has leukemia. She is the firstborn and only child to her parents who are from Wichita. I don't have a link or many more details, but my heart just ached as I can understand a little of the pain and fear her parents are experiencing. And I was reminded that I am not the only one facing pain and heartache right now. In fact, there are so many that have really hard things going on in their lives right now. It reminded me to keep looking outward instead of focusing on myself. It reminded me that I needed to be on my knees praying for others too. And it reminded me that in all of these hard circumstances, the riches of His love will always be enough.
We were making our way out of church (as I was processing through some of these things) and a sweet lady stopped me to introduce herself. She had been reading my blog for awhile and wanted to tell me how much she appreciated some of the things that I had shared. I was so humbled. Not because I have an amazing story to tell or great things to write about, but because He is using this little blog to speak Truth to others. I love that. It is my prayer that God continues to use the Truths that I have been standing firm on to encourage you and remind you that the riches of His love will always be enough.
I didn't fully process all these little parts of my day until I was sitting at home talking with my wise hubby last night. He commented that it was pretty neat that the Lord prompted that lady to stop and introduce herself to me on a day that I really needed encouragement. So true. Even though I might not have realized it at the time, none of those things were a coincidence. I am so thankful for a Heavenly Father who speaks so personally and directly to me. Sometimes, I just have to stop and listen...because He is there.

And I can't forget that these January days are filled with the smiles and laughter of two little boys this year. My, how quickly life changes. There is nothing better than having my arms full (literally, because these two are heavy!!) when my heart is feeling sad. These boys are such a blessing and joy to me...especially on these hard January days. 

These January days...My heart will singno other NameJesus, Jesus

his big boy bed

He has been right beside me ever since he was born. I like to keep my babies close...there is something comforting about being able to peek over and see my babies sleeping. But eventually they outgrow the bassinet and I have to let go and move them to their own room.

Cora and Levi both moved out of the bassinet and into their cribs around three months. They were both sleeping through the night by then and it was a pretty natural transition. 

But Mr. Griffin is just about four months and still no sleeping through the night for him. He's not sleeping but he definitely is growing. We thought since he was head to toe in the bassinet that maybe it was time for his big boy bed. Maybe. 

We are on day three of sleeping in his crib. The first night was rough. I did a lot of stumbling back and forth between his room and my room with very sleepy eyes. 

But the next two nights went so much better. 

I think he is liking having a space of his own...even if that space isn't quite finished. :)

And I can still peek in and check on him...I just have to walk a little further.

Griffin loves to be swaddled. He's getting big enough now that he wiggles his little hands and feet out. I'm sure it won't be long before he has outgrown the swaddling too. I am loving the aden + anais swaddle blankets with him. I was given some as a gift and they are the best! If you haven't tried them you definitely need too. I have these and these from Target...and there are so many more cute prints!

everyday

I am feeling tired lately...like the perpetual tiredness. Oh, you know that feeling too? It is probably because of that sweet baby who has decided he doesn't want to sleep through the night...ever. But a certain busy two year old definitely can wear me out too. These winter days tend to get long when the three of us are stuck inside all day. The everyday can get tiresome and monotonous. But there are so many sweet things about the everyday that I don't want to forget. What a blessing it is to see the everyday through the eyes of a two year old.

Everyday after you wake up from your nap you want to watch a "moo-vie". And not only watch a movie, but you always request milk and a cheese stick too. The funny thing is that you would hardly even watch a movie until a few months ago and now all of a sudden you are obsessed. We made a rule that you can only watch one movie after your nap...to keep you from asking to watch movies all the time (although you still ask!). You always choose the same Veggie Tales movie and you pretty much have it memorized...and so do I.

Everyday you pull a chair into the bathroom when I am getting ready. (Okay, so I don't really get ready everyday, but on the days that I do...you are there too.) You always bring in the red chair and a few toys to play with. And of course you bring snacks and milk too...you don't go many places without those two things. Every once in awhile I wish that I could have a little privacy, but I know I would miss your company so much.

Everyday you do some sort of farming. You prefer to go to the real farm with dad, but if you can't you do your farming at home. You have tons of tractors and you are always pretending to haul poop  (manure) and corn. You also like to set up all your little cows in the pen and feed them hay...you take such good care of those little cows. If you could choose, you would spend everyday in your jammies too. You like to be comfy and cozy!

Everyday you play the piano and sing at the top of your lungs. Papa plays the piano with you whenever you visit him and you have decided that you like to play at home too. You always need music just like Papa. It can be any book though. It is so awesome to hear you belting out songs like "Holy, Holy". I hope you always love to sing your heart out. And you still have your milk and snacks...just in case you get really hungry while you are playing your songs. :)

Everyday you ask to play "pee-dough". Your mama doesn't always have the energy to get out all the play dough stuff and make a big mess, but the play dough comes out quite often. You got new play dough toys for your birthday and you are loving them. This particular day your Uncle Owen stopped in to play with you. You thought that was pretty awesome. You love when people spend time with you.

I love that I get to spend everyday with you, Levi. What a gift. You are turning into quite the little character as a two year old. This is just a small peek into our everdays. Nothings special, but things I don't ever want to forget.

a few oldies

Okay, so they are not really that old. But when your babies are growing up so fast, three months ago seems like a long time! My friend Laura took these when she was here visiting...Griffin was two weeks old. 

Our first family picture with two boys. Look how little Griffin was...and those cute dangling baby feet!

A daddy and his boys. Nothing sweeter.

Laura also took a few big brother, little brother pictures. I am laughing as I think back to this little photo shoot because Levi was SO not interested. I am amazed Laura got the shots that she did.

Levi tried really hard...he just does everything so fast. When you tell him to hug his brother, he does...for about one second. When you tell him to hold his brother, he does...and then pushes him off one second later. 

When you tell him to lay by his brother, he does...and then one second later he is ready to play. When you ask him where his brother's nose is, he shows you...he just honks it really hard. At least that only lasts about a second too! 

Such is the attention span of a two year old, right?

But it is always worth trying. Because every once in awhile you catch a moment like this. This is the one that we used on Griffin's birth announcement. My favorite. Pure sweetness.

Thank you for these precious pictures of my boys, Laura!