The Macs: June 2010

reminders

About a week ago Joel and I both felt this wave of sadness coming over us again. It never fully goes away, but the intensity definitely comes in waves. Usually it comes at different times for each of us. But this time we are both feeling it. As we began talking we realized that these feelings were probably because Levi is getting closer and closer to the stage we remember Cora at. All the new things he is learning and doing, those are the last memories we have with Cora. And while those memories are so precious and we are experiencing so much joy now watching Levi go through those same stages, it is hard. It makes us miss our little girl. It is all those little daily reminders...

One night we were sitting at the table eating dinner and Joel was holding Levi in his lap. Levi started sucking on the edge of the table. We laughed as we remembered Cora doing the exact same thing. We remembered when her bottom teeth came in she even started gnawing on the table. I had forgotten all about that. I reached down and felt the edge of the table where she always sat in her sassy seat. They were still there. The whole edge of the table was covered in her teeth marks. A reminder.

We are reading lots of books with Levi now. Cora always LOVED to read and I think Levi is finally starting to like it too. It took him a little longer. :o) He likes one of Cora's favorite books, Moo, Baa, La La La! The last page says, "It's quiet now. What do you say?" Joel always changed the words to "It's quiet now. What does Cora say?". Now every time I read it to Levi I hear Joel saying Cora's name in my head before I say, "It's quite now. What does Levi say?". A reminder.

I hear the walker rolling through the house and I can't help but remember looking down and seeing Cora at my heels. Except this time there is no mistaking between the two of them. Cora just slowly tip-toed around in her walker. She moved a little at a time. Levi runs in his walker. He is fast and he is everywhere! A reminder.

Levi has been chowing down on his baby food lately. He loves it. I gave him squash today and as I gave him a spoonful he flashed me this adorable smile that reminded me so much of a picture we have of his sister with squash all over her face. A reminder.

And when Levi starts to get a cold or is not feeling the best. When we start to worry that maybe something is wrong. When we debate about whether we are paranoid parents or if we should be taking him in to see the doctor. When I wait in the pediatricians office, I can't help but have my mind wander back to the day when we thought Cora just had a bad ear infection and found out she actually had cancer. A reminder.

And then I began thinking.

I began thinking of all the reminders of God's great love for me.

The reminders that are right in front of me but I am often too busy to notice. As I began thinking through the past week there were so many things that came to my mind. So many reminders of God's love for me...

A card that came in the mail this week. Just a note to let me know that this friend was still praying for me. I so needed that encouragement. She assured me that my sorrow is not forgotten. A reminder.

Joel was at a meeting a few days ago. They were talking about some things related to what we had been through with Cora. He was having a hard time with it and a buddy noticed and came and put his arm around him. I loved hearing him share that with me. I loved that a tough guy was willing to show my husband love and support. A reminder.

As I walked out of church on Sunday in the middle of the service to feed Levi we were singing Amazing Love. The words kept running through my head all day.
Amazing love,
How can it be
That you, my king, would die for me?
I love those words. God's love for me is amazing. So amazing, that He has already met my greatest need. A reminder.

I have had the opportunity to share my story with several people lately. I love that Cora is part of that story. I love that the Lord is still using her short life to reach people. A reminder.

And of course Levi. The sweet little boy I get to spend my days with. I am so blessed to be his mama. Although everyone says that he looks just like his daddy (and he does), I love that I can see a little of his sister in him too. Levi's life is a gift. And a huge blessing from the Lord to our family. A reminder.

Sometimes we get overwhelmed with life or with our circumstances. We get overwhelmed with the things that are pressing on our emotions and the things that are just plain hard. We forget to look for the Lord's provision that is all around us. We even forget to remember how the Lord has provided and been so faithful to us in the past.

Today will you look around for those reminders?

Will you look for the Lord's love and provision that is all around you?

Then I thought, "To this I will appeal:

the years of the right hand of the Most High."

I will remember the deeds of the LORD;

yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.

I will meditate on all your works

and consider all your mighty deeds.

Psalm 77:10-12

(I remember Joel posting these verses on one of our very hard days in the hospital with Cora. It seemed like every time we turned around we were plowed over with more bad news. But today, just like that day in the hospital, I am reminded that the God we serve is faithful no matter what we are going through.)

sitting by the pool

Last week I bought a little blow up pool for Levi.

And over the weekend Joel got it all set up for him.

We weren't sure how he would like it since he wasn't a huge fan of the ocean.

But he really loved it.

I think he could have stayed out there all day.

Did you notice who is sitting up like a big boy?

Yep, the sitting up makes him pretty happy too.

He is pretty sturdy most of the time.

And the rest of the time someone is there to catch him.

When he got tired of the water, he was content to just sit in this chair.

And talk to his dad.

He loves his dad.

I think we are going to be spending lots of our summer evenings out here.

Just sitting by the pool.

levi eats cereal

Are you ready for your first bite of food Mr. Levi?

Levi thought he was pretty big stuff sitting up in the highchair.

I thought he would love cereal.

But he wasn't so sure.

Probably because it didn't taste like that ice cream

his daddy gave him a few weeks ago.

I would be disappointed too buddy.

And then he started fighting his daddy for the spoon.

He didn't care so much about the cereal part.

We tried again.

And even managed to get a little in his mouth.

But really he still just wanted the spoon.

We took it away from him and he wasn't very happy.

So, like good parents, we gave him what he wanted.

And then he decided he wanted the bowl too.

Levi's been eating cereal and trying a few veggies for about three weeks now.

He actually is a really good eater.

Are you surprised?

But he is very easily distracted.

He wants to hold and touch everything around him.

And he is so wiggly.

I don't think I need to worry about him getting enough to eat though.

When the first thing people say to him is,

"Wow, you are a good eater!"

or

"Your mama must feed you well."

I think he is doing just fine!

speaking of dads...

I know Father's Day is over, but I had to tell you something about my dad.
He is great.
I mean really great.
And he is a wonderful grandpa too.
Even Levi thinks so.

So, this post is for those of you who know my dad.

You may remember in November of 2008 when I asked for prayer as my dad under went surgery. My dad and uncle are both doing great! And now they are wanting to help others who are facing a similar situation.

Here is an excerpt from a letter my dad recently sent out:

As you may remember, November 10, 2008 I donated one of my kidneys to my younger brother David who was suffering from a degenerative kidney disease. Thankfully the transplant procedure went flawlessly and my brother and I are both doing well. David and his wife have been living in Calgary Canada and he and I have been looking for a way to help others with similar kidney disease and transplant needs. As such we have both decided to walk in a 100 kilometer fundraising benefit for the Kidney Foundation of Canada in the Calgary area. The Kidney March will be conducted over three days from September 10-12 (walking roughly 20 miles per day) and each of us has pledged to raise at least $2200 apiece. That is where you can help me out. I will do the walking (and all the preparation necessary to walk that far – feet don’t fail me now) if you would be willing to donate to the cause. Your contribution is tax deductible and can be made on line at the Kidney March website:
http://fundraising.kidney.ca/site/c.tvI5IeNSJsE/b.5767581/k.BDFA/Home.htm

My dad has been walking like a crazy man to get ready for this. Seriously. I went over to my parents house the other night to pick up Levi and he had just gotten back from walking...and it was ten o'clock at night!

So, if you know my dad or if kidney disease is close to your heart, I know my dad would appreciate your support. To donate, follow the link above. On the upper right corner of the home page their is a "donate" tab. Click "sponsor a participant". Search for Don Beverlin to pull up my dad's fundraising page.

Today I am especially thankful for my dad. I hope you all had a wonderful Father's Day celebrating the dads in your life too.

father's day

Joel,

I love watching you as a daddy.

It is the best.

Cora loved you so much.

And Levi loves you so much already too.

Our kids are so blessed to have you.

And I am too.

Happy Father's Day.

strawberries

When we got back from Florida I was so excited to find that our strawberries were ready to be picked. I LOVE fresh strawberries. They are sooooo yummy. Way better than the ones from the store.

My little helper came along. He was glad to hold the basket for me.

Maybe next year he can actually help me pick the strawberries. And eat the strawberries too.

He was pretty intrigued. He only touched the basket though...not the strawberries.

I loved how he wrapped his little feet around the basket to hold it. Look at those cute baby toes.

Would you have guessed that my strawberry patch is hiding amongst all those weeds? Not as pretty as the strawberries, huh? I love gardening. But I hate pulling weeds. Can you tell? And somehow I still get strawberries...which makes it even harder for me to want to pull weeds. Every once in a while my father-in-law shows up and pulls weeds for me. He is super nice like that. But then I feel bad because I should be pulling the weeds myself. My father-in-law and I have big plans of making raised beds in this part of the garden and replanting the strawberries for next year. I can't wait. But I might have to be a better weed puller if we go to all that work!

Since I took these pictures I actually got ambitious one day. I pulled lots of weeds. Lots of very tall weeds. And the next morning I woke up covered in chigger bites. It was bad. I have been itching like crazy ever since. All of those little chigger bites are reminders of why I do not like to pull weeds...I may never pull one again. Or at least next time I will be smart and wear bug spray.

if the screaming on the airplane wasn't enough...

...this probably was.

I asked my sister to hold Levi up while I ran and got a diaper and wipes.

She could barely handle it.

She even had to have her husband plug her nose.

And all of that fuss was over this.

A normal up-the-back poop.

It really wasn't even that bad.

You've seen worse, right?

I think she recovered though.

She just prefers when he's clean...and smells good.

Someday, Aunt Anne will be ready to give Levi a cousin.

Someday.

In the meantime, I'll try to be a good sister and wait patiently.

And not bother her about it.

This doesn't count as bothering, does it?

levi {five months}

My brain struggles to wrap around you being five months old already.
Actually you are getting close to six months old as I write this.
You are growing and changing so fast.
I was feeling a little sad about you "growing up" the other day.
Your daddy said I shouldn't be sad because you are FINALLY getting fun. :o)

At five months you are moving ALL the time.
Your daddy and I can't believe how much you move.
It must be a boy thing!

You are cruisin' around in your walker.
You love that thing.
It is so funny to see your little legs maneuver around our house.

You figured out where your toes are.
You are always grabbing those little toes of yours.
Just like your sister did.

You are such a good sleeper.
You sleep through the night and are starting to take good naps.
Your mama is seriously spoiled.

You put everything in your mouth.
EVERYTHING!
I think you are ready to try some real people food.
(And since I am late in writing this post, you already have.
More on that soon...)

You have lots of smiles.
And giggle a little too.
You are a pretty happy baby...except on one particular airplane ride.

I think your daddy is right.
You are getting so fun.
And we are loving every minute of it.